The six men approached the house, which turned out to be an old homestead, and looked at each other blankly. Ryan led the group to a large window and they all gingerly peered over the top.

They could see Drew slumped on a couch and blindfolded, while the man who appeared to be the ringleader paced in front of him. The other four men stood around with their guns cocked. The Whose Line men all ducked down from the window.

“So what do we do now, Mr Survival?” Greg whispered to Ryan.

“We need to be armed,” Ryan replied.

“And where are we gonna find guns?” Wayne sighed; he was bored of the conversation the first time.

“Let’s walk around the house and look in the windows, she what’s available,” Brad suggested.

Everyone agreed and they crept off together.

It wasn’t until they were around the back of the house that they found a room that appeared to be a small arsenal.

“Told ya we’d find something,” Ryan mused.

“And how are we going to get them? Powers of the mind?” Greg scorned.

“Maybe the window is open,” Colin suggested and gave the window a jerk. It moved up several centimetres.

Wayne helped Colin open the window fully as quietly as possible.

“Who’s going in, then?” Brad asked.

“Chip,” Ryan replied.

“What? Why me?” Chip whined.

“You’re the quickest,” Ryan said matter-of-factly.

Chip grumbled an obscenity and then hoisted himself through the window. He worked quickly, supplying everyone with ammunition and weapons. He was just about to hoist himself out when he heard the door creak open. Without a second thought he dropped to the floor and scurried under the bed. The others made themselves scarce.

It wasn’t one of the thugs that entered the room, it was a woman. She was a tall redhead and was sporting a singlet that left little to the imagination. She took little notice of the room, and instead sauntered over to the wardrobe. She opened the wardrobe and pulled out what was clearly a change of clothes. This wasn’t just a mini arsenal it was this chick’s bedroom.

They guys could hardly watch (but they forced themselves) as she stripped down to only a barely there g-string and then sat on the bed brushing her hair.

“Please let her get dressed soon,” Colin mumbled, covering his eyes.

“Yes, it’s terrible,” Greg nodded, tilting his head a little.

“You think they’re real?” Ryan piped up.

“Ryan,” Colin scorned.

“I wouldn’t mind finding out,” Brad chuckled.

The conversation was interrupted by a crackle and then: “Lemur to giraffe…lemur to giraffe…what’s going on?”

Everyone jumped a mile before realising that Chip had handed Ryan a walkie-talkie.

“Lemur, this is giraffe, there’s a naked woman above you…I repeat, a naked woman,” Ryan replied.

“It is good naked or bad naked?” Chip whispered.

“Oh it’s good,” Greg mused, snatching the walkie-talkie.

“Hey guys, I think Chip’s been sprung,” Wayne piped up, pointing to the window.

The woman, still clad in only a g-string crouched down to look under the bed. She let out a squeal. Chip leapt out and tried to quiet her.

“Please, please don’t scream, I’ll leave straight away, forget I was here,” he pleaded while trying to avert his eyes.

The woman grabbed some clothes and hurriedly pulled them on. “You’re a yank?” she spat.

“Sorry,” Chip shrugged.

“Are you a friend of Ritz’s?” she asked.

“Who? Oh…no, no, no…I’m, ahh, lost. I was hiking and stuff and wandered off the track…” Chip rambled as his eyes darted back and forth to the window.

“What’s out there?” asked the woman, dashing over to the window and staring out.

The others had taken refuge behind trees.

“Nothing…animals…big animals,” Chip breathed.

The woman looked at him unconvinced. Chip began to panic, he was running out of options. There was only one thing to do. He rushed forward, grabbed the woman, bundled her into the wardrobe and locked the door. Chip then clambered out of the window and over to where his friends were hiding.

“How long do you think she’ll stay locked in the wardrobe?” Colin asked.

“Long enough, I hope,” Chip panted.

“So what’s our next move?” Brad queried.

“Well, we know they’re situated in the front room. So we need to cover all the exits. There’s a bedroom door over the far side, the kitchen door and the front door,” Ryan announced.

“I’ll take the bedroom. I’m kinda good at it now,” Chip sighed.

“Kitchen,” Wayne half smiled.

“Front door,” Brad offered.

“Excellent. Col and Greg, you guys can go to the window, it gives that whole ‘you’re surrounded’ effect,” Ryan ordered.

“Super,” Greg sarced.

“What are you gonna do?” Colin asked.

Ryan gave a wry smile. “Wait and see. Now let’s get in position and when I give the word you make yourselves known, ok?”

There was a unified, “Yeah.”

Chip found the right bedroom and crept in the window. Wayne found his way through the back door and into the kitchen. Brad got ready behind the front door and Colin and Greg crouched down at the window.

Inside, Drew was more than cacking himself. It wasn’t just the guns that scared him or the fact he was blindfolded, it was the other things the men had promised. Kneecapping, knife wounding and something with a rat he’d rather forget.

The thing Drew found hardest to comprehend was that his captors couldn’t see there was no way in hell he was a pimp and drug baron. You would think they’d be able see he was Drew Carey, comedian and sitcom star.

“Where’s the stuff, Crispin?” hissed the ringleader, putting the barrel of his gun closer to Drew’s face than he would have liked.

“I told you, I don’t know. I’m not Ritz Crispin,” Drew spat.

The ringleader cackled. “I’m not an idiot, Crispin, and my patience is really wearing thin with you.”

“I don’t know where any drugs, women, or stolen goods are. Hell, I don’t even know where my car keys are,” Drew half joked.

“This guy’s a joke, let’s just get rid of him,” scowled one of the armed heavies.

The ringleader pondered the idea.

“Don’t suppose I could go to the bathroom while you decide?” Drew asked.

The ringleader let out a heavy sigh. “You,” he snapped at one of the armed heavies. “Take him.”

Drew was escorted to the toilet with a gun in his back and then walked back to the front room the same way. The ringleader looked pitifully at him and then grabbed his keys.

“I’ll leave my men to deal with you, Crispin. Have fun in hell,” he growled and then stormed out the front door, making Brad, Colin and Greg scurry in different directions.

“Who’s going to do the honours?” laughed one armed heavy.

“Me,” said another armed heavy in a low voice. “Get to your knees, Crispin,” he added.

Drew couldn’t help but whimper as he slid off the couch to his knees. He listened as the armed heavy walked up behind him and pushed the barrel of the gun into his head.

“Oh god, oh god,” Drew breathed.

A gunshot rang out and echoed around the house and the plaster from the ceiling fell to the floor.

“DROP YOUR WEAPONS,” a voice yelled.

“Ryan, you fucking bastard,” Drew gasped.

“Hey tall guy, think you can take us all on?” laughed an armed heavy.

“I won’t, but they will,” Ryan grinned as Brad kicked in the front door, Wayne leapt out of the kitchen, Chip dashed out of the bedroom and Colin and Greg jumped up at the window.

“Fucking hell,” screamed one of the armed heavies.

“Now I’ll ask you again. Drop your weapons,” Ryan spat.

The arm heavies panicked and dropped their weapons.

“Tie ’em up, boys,” Ryan ordered.

While the others began restraining the heavies, Ryan bent down and removed Drew’s blindfold.

“You bastard, you bastard, you bastard,” Drew babbled.

“Hey, I’m a bastard with a gun,” Ryan perked, helping Drew to his feet.

Drew was lost for words but eventually managed, “I love you”

“You can worship me later,” Ryan chided. “C’mon, let’s get outta here,” he added.

As they walked back to the car there was a lot of adrenaline-induced conversation. From, “Did you see me,” to, “I could have taken the all on.”

“Ryan man, where did you get the balls to do that?” Drew gasped, still in awe.

“Actually, it answers something Greg and I were pondering earlier,” Ryan mused.

“And that was?” Wayne queried.

“I am still drunk,” Ryan chuckled.

“I’ll drive back,” Colin offered, snatching the keys from his friend.