Colin parked the car, and ordered everyone to get out. He then wrote a three-page apology to the owner of the car and left her a bunch of flowers.

“Colin, you will go down as the nicest carjacker in history,” Brad mused.

“Just because we wrongfully took off with the woman’s car doesn’t mean we can’t be magnanimous when we return it,” Colin defended.

“Mag what?” Chip asked.

“Look it up,” Colin replied and led the way back into the hotel.

“So are we leaving now?” Greg piped up.

“We can’t until we know how we got to Melbourne in the first place. We still don’t know half of what’s happened to us,” Wayne stated.

“Wayne’s right. Some of us might need to go back to the casino,” Chip nodded.

“I suggest we all have a break and catch up again for dinner,” Ryan announced.

Everyone agreed and went their separate ways. Drew caught Ryan before he went into his room.

“Ryan, can I, ah…” Drew flustered a little.

“Drew, stop thanking me, ok? You would’ve done the same for me,” Ryan mused.

“Yeah, course,” Drew smiled unconvincingly.

Ryan looked at Drew suspiciously and then turned to go into his room.

“One thing though,” Drew piped up.

“What,” Ryan sighed, turning back around.

“Did you have to shove the barrel in the back of my head?” Drew asked.

“Weren’t scared, were ya?” Ryan smiled, knowing full well that Drew had been cacking himself.

“Me? No, I was just acting…knew it was you all along,” Drew lied.

“So peeing your pants was acting?” Ryan said seriously.

“I didn’t pee my pants,” Drew laughed.

“Sure, buddy,” Ryan nodded, patted Drew on the back, and then entered his room.

Drew let out a sigh and looked up and down the corridor. He wasn’t quite sure what to do. He realised he must look like a dork just standing there outside Ryan’s hotel room. He eventually decided he’d go and eat as he’d missed out on breakfast thanks to the whole kidnapping thing.

Back in the lobby he found Colin was looking equally as lost.

“Hey Col, what ya doing?” Drew asked.

“Oh, nothing really,” Colin replied wistfully.

“Well I’m heading to a café, it’s just around the corner, you’re welcome to come,” Drew offered.

Colin thought for second. “Are you paying?”

“Of course I’m paying,” Drew smiled.

“Well then I’d be delighted to join you,” Colin mused.

“You really are a disturbing man,” Drew said, shaking his head.

“No, just Canadian,” Colin grinned as they wandered out into the street.

Brad and Chip decided to play pool in the hotel bar. They’d had several games before being approached by two men who had been drinking at the bar.

“You gonna be finished with that table soon?” one asked.

“Hadn’t planned on it,” Brad smiled.

“You don’t think that’s a bit rude?” scorned the other man.

“Not really,” Chip perked.

The men looked taken aback and then one piped up. “We’ll play ya for the table.”

Chip and Brad looked at each other.

“Ok. but let’s make it interesting. $100 and the table to the winner,” Brad said, raising and eyebrow.

“Deal,” both the men said together.

Brad and Chip wiped the floor with the two men and were more than happy to pocket the money.

This gave Chip and idea.

“Reckon we should start hustling?” he asked.

“Of course…we need beer money,” Brad smiled as their next victims approached.

Wayne chose to go for a walk. It was a beautiful afternoon, even for inner city Melbourne, and Wayne was lapping up every beam of sun.

He walked until he came to a park and began to wander down a leafy path. He was tempted to start singing, but last time he’d done that, people had assumed he was busking and threw coins.

Wayne walked until he found a nice tree near a pond and sat on the grass. He felt the world would almost have been perfect at that very moment if there wasn’t (a) the fear that his wife was going to kick his ass back home and (b) he wasn’t paranoid about the whole gold g-string thing.

Wayne closed his eyes and began to meditate. Actually, he’d never meditated before, it just seemed like the thing to do. Suddenly he heard a rustling, then a cracking, and finally a “WOOSH.”

Wayne opened his eyes as something fell into his lap. He let out a girlie scream and began to panic as the thing quivered between his thighs.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” asked a bearded man.

“I…dd…don’t know…g…g…get it off me,” Wayne stuttered.

The man looked amused. “I don’t want to frighten the poor thing any more than it is.”

“JUST GET IT OFF ME.” At that moment Wayne wished he hadn’t yelled. The thing between his legs dug its long claws into his nether regions and he felt his eyes begin to water.

The man crouched down and gently removed the creature and Wayne let out a whimper.

“What the hell is that?” he breathed.

“It’s a possum, mate,” the man replied. “Did he claw you?” he added.

Wayne nodded furiously.

“Might want to see a doctor,” the man stated and the walked off with the possum.

Wayne rolled onto his side and clutched his groin, much to the confused and horrified looks of the locals.

Greg still ached, but what was more painful was the boredom of the hotel. There was no way Greg could stay in the hotel room a moment longer. He was likely to go quite mad, if he hadn’t already.

He mentally made a list of things to do in Melbourne. In the end he decided to catch up with a few friends. Sure it was just another excuse to get drunk, and trying to explain why he was there was going to be insane. But it was something to do, and it was a way to get a break from the others.

Who to call though? He knew most of the veterans of the comedy scene. Maybe he’d call them all, organise a party. Then he could just tell the whole damn story once. The down side to going out was that there was still someone who wanted him dead.

So now he had a choice, a $5000 party and a death wish, or keep watching TV and save his meagre existence.

Greg let out a sigh and grabbed the TV guide.

Ryan looked up as he entered his room and did a double take. There, perched on his bed, was a bleached blonde, tanned, model-like babe.

“Am I in the wrong room?” he asked, bewildered.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to just barge in,” the babe smiled.

“Right…so you’re here why?” Ryan queried.

“I ah…thought you might be needing this. You kinda forgot it,” the babe replied, handing Ryan his wallet.

Ryan couldn’t help but look shocked. How could he not notice his wallet was missing? Wait a minute, he couldn’t even remember if he’d had it with him in the first place.

“Thanks,” he mumbled. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“That’s ‘cos I didn’t tell you,” the babe perked. “Why am I not surprised you don’t remember.”

“I suspect I was totally inebriated,” Ryan stated.

“That’s an understatement. For the record it’s Azaria…or Miss Maslin’s to you,” the babe chided.

Ryan’s mouth fell open. “Oh,” he gasped. “I heard we got on well.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Azaria mused.

“Did we…you know?” Ryan asked even though he didn’t want the answer.

“Well…” Azaria began.

“RYAN I THINK MY BALLS ARE BLEEDING CAN YOU…ohhhh.” Wayne stopped and looked from Ryan to Azaria and back again.

“Wayne, this is so not what you think,” Ryan gasped, “and what do you mean your balls are bleeding?”

“Possum landed between my legs,” Wayne said wide-eyed.

“I should probably go,” Azaria piped up and headed toward the door.

“Wait, you didn’t answer my question,” Ryan squealed.

“Do you really want to know the answer?” Azaria asked.

Ryan’s mouth flapped but nothing came out.

“Didn’t think so,” she smiled, blew Ryan a kiss and left.

Ryan looked at the wallet in his hands, opened it and checked everything was there. He made a point of avoiding the photo of his family and then put it in his pocket. He then turned to Wayne who was still freaking out by the door.

“C’mon then…let’s get your balls seen to,” Ryan sighed and wandered over to Wayne to escort him out of the room.

“What did you want to know?” Wayne asked.

“Mind your own business” Ryan scorned.

“You didn’t screw her did you?” Wayne continued.

“No,” Ryan grumbled, looked at the expression on Wayne’s face and growled, “NO,” louder. “If you keep that up I’ll throw ya to the possums.”

“Oh very funny,” Wayne hissed.