As Drew woke, he could already feel the massive hangover that was going to pound his brain all day. He rolled onto his back and began massaging his temples. It didn’t help one iota.

He stretched out, grabbed his glasses from the bedside table, and put them on. He opened his eyes and suddenly his hangover seemed very insignificant.

Insignificant compared to the five armed men surrounding his bed.

Ryan and Greg were watching Days of our Lives, and had concluded that either they were lucky enough to have drunk so much recently that it would take several gallons of the strongest spirit to affect them, or they were still too drunk to notice.

“I think she should leave him,” Greg sighed.

“No, no, her third half cousin is going to come back and tell her that it was actually his stalker who pretended to be her ex-husband that cheated with her best friend’s sister,” Ryan said poignantly.

“YOU HAVE TO COME NOW,” Wayne babbled as he stormed into the room.

“Don’t ya hate when it’s demanded like that?” Greg mused, looking at Ryan.

“What’s the problem, buddy?” Ryan asked.

“I just saw Drew being escorted from his room by five armed dudes,” Wayne said, wide-eyed.

Ryan and Greg looked at each other.

“Who put you up to this? Col? Brad?” Greg asked.

“I’m not lying guys, see for yourself,” Wayne pleaded and pointed to the window.

Ryan leapt up and hurried to the window. “Shit, they’re getting into a car. Well, several cars,” he gasped.

“What are we gonna do?” Wayne squealed.

“Follow them,” Ryan said wistfully.

Wayne was sent to collect everyone as they raced outside into the street.

“Ry, we don’t have a car,” Greg stated.

“I had thought of that,” Ryan scorned and dashed over to a young woman who was just getting out of her car. “Excuse me, you wouldn’t mind if we borrowed your car would you? It’s an emergency,” he rushed and snatched her keys.

“I am so, so sorry, we’ll bring it straight back,” Colin apologised profusely.

“GET IN THE CAR, MOCHRIE,” Brad yelled.

Colin apologised again and hurried into the passenger seat next to Wayne while Greg, Chip and Brad filled the back seat.

Ryan had forgotten the woman was much smaller than he was and had found his knees up around his shoulders. He hurriedly moved the seat back only to hear Greg let out a yelp.

“Sorry, buddy,” he breathed, slammed his foot down and sped off after the guys who’d taken Drew.

They caught up with the armed men at the lights. It was at this time they noticed the music that was playing: the Dawson’s Creek soundtrack.

“Make it stop please,” Chip begged.

“Col, find some better music,” Ryan ordered.

Colin opened the glove compartment and rifled through the copious CDs that were in there. Eventually he found some appropriate music: AC/DC. The movie-like car chase went into full throttle.

Ryan was doing well above the speed limit as the buildings gave way to fields and asphalt to dirt. The kidnappers took a sharp turn, which kicked up a mass of dust, blocking everyone’s view. Ryan took the same turn, blind, and spun out.

They sat in what would have been silence if AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” hadn’t been thumping out of the speakers. Everyone was sporting the stunned gazelle look.

“Is it possible for your testicles to actually retract back up?” Brad asked.

“I wish I’d worn the brown underpants,” Chip gasped.

“Thanks for nearly fucking killing us, Stiles,” Greg grumbled, rubbing his ribs.

Wayne let out an inaudible scream and Colin looked unhealthily pale.

“That was so cool,” Ryan eventually smiled and then put his foot down again as his friends screamed hysterically.

It didn’t take long for them to catch up to the kidnappers. Ryan slowed down and they watched the two cars turn up a track into a copse of trees.

“I’m gonna take a wild guess and say there’s a house in there where they’re taking Drew,” Ryan stated.

“How can you be so sure?” Wayne asked.

“That’s how it works in the movies,” Ryan replied meekly.

“Here’s a zany question: now that we’re here, how are we going to get Drew back?” Greg asked.

“Same way we got you back,” Chip shrugged.

“With cleaning implements?” Greg sacred.

“Got any better ideas?” Brad asked.

“We need to be armed,” Greg demanded.

“Where are we gonna get guns from?” Chip queried.

“They’ve gotta have spares somewhere,” Brad chimed in.

Everyone nodded in agreement. “Is anyone here actually able to use a gun?” Colin asked.

“I am,” Ryan said almost disgruntled.

“Just because you were in Hot Shots does not qualify you as mentally stable enough to use a gun,” Greg stated.

“Hey!” Ryan hissed.

“Can we stop fighting and just go and get Drew?” Wayne demanded.

“Ok, ok, going,” Greg sarced and winced as he got out the car.

They began walking up the track, still bickering.

“I do know how to use a gun,” Ryan defended.

“Get over it, man,” Chip sighed.

“I’m just saying…”

“Ryan, shut up,” Brad hissed.

“But…”

“Ryan,” Colin spat

Ryan fell into a sulk and fell behind.