Fenny stood glancing around the lobby, hoping Gina would hurry up. Not only was she starving, but several hotel patrons were looking at her strangely.

“Come on,” Gina hissed, marching straight past Fenny. Fenny was caught off guard by Gina’s abruptness and hurried to catch up with her.

“Slow down,” Fenny insisted, “I’m an artist not an Olympic speed walker.”

Gina slowed as she stepped out into the street. “Why are men such bastards?” she declared.

“Because they have the inability to decipher the difference between good, wholesome, normal, intelligent activities and those which don’t involve their dicks,” Fenny scorned.

Gina looked at her curiously. “My, we have been burned.”

Fenny narrowed her eyes. “So why have you gone from sappy love puppy to angry, bitter woman?”

“Because that little shit opened his mouth,” Gina huffed.

“You had a fight?” Fenny gasped.

“If him telling me he doesn’t need me and me telling him to fuck off constitutes a fight, then yes,” Gina grumbled.

“He said he didn’t need you?” Fenny queried.

Gina nodded and then stopped outside a restaurant. “Pretty much.”

“Is this where we’re eating?” Fenny asked.

“It’ll do,” Gina sighed and reached out to open the door.

“You don’t think you’re overreacting?” Fenny asked as they stepped inside.

“Can we like, not talk about this?” Gina asked.

“A problem shared is a problem halved,” Fenny mused.

“Is it? Well, let’s talk about Brad and his illegitimate child, shall we?” Gina snide.

“You are just spiteful,” Fenny huffed and marched off to find a table.

“Please stop crying,” Brad groaned as he paced the bedroom in the dark, Lilly in his arms screaming at the top of her lungs. “I’ve changed your diaper, fed you, played games with you, sang to you, watched the Teletubbies three times…. What more do you want?”

Lilly let out another wail and Brad held her up to his shoulder and patted her back. It didn’t help and she just kept screaming. He was at a loss. He didn’t want to call Ella since she really did need the break. He could call Greg, but what use was he? Although Lilly did seem to like him. Maybe he should call Ryan – he was a dad, he’d know what to do. But the thought of waking Ryan at 2am was a little too scary, and Brad didn’t want to get him in a bad mood. Brad placed Lilly in his bed and slid in beside her. As he watched her sobbing, he wished he could turn back time. What he’d give to be making love to Fenny, rather than trying to calm a screaming baby. He gently stroked one of Lilly’s pink, wet cheeks.

“When you fuck up, Sherwood, you do it spectacularly,” he sighed.

Fenny and Gina had said little after dinner and had both headed back to the hotel straight after. Fenny didn’t know what Paul had said exactly, but whatever it was, Gina was nothing short of livid. Annoyingly, Gina’s mood had passed on to Fenny and she’d found herself wanting to scream at everybody. As they stepped out of the elevator, Fenny grabbed Gina’s arm.

“Whatever he said, I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” she soothed.

“Night Fen,” Gina said coolly and headed for her the door to her room. She pushed the door open and stepped into the pitch black room, and immediately stumbled over Paul’s jeans, which he’d left lying on the floor.

“Shit,” Gina breathed and stuck her hands out to find the bed. She groped her way along the side and eventually found the light switch. The small bedside light illuminated the room and Paul’s sleeping figure. He didn’t even stir. Gina stripped off her clothes and pulled on her pajamas. She pulled back the covers and felt compelled to shove Paul onto the floor. It wouldn’t have been the first time, either. She didn’t, and climbed into bed, making sure to lie as far away from him as possible.

Fenny sat channel surfing. She should have been more tired than she was, but no matter how many infomercials she watched, it didn’t make her drowsy. She’d settled on a black and white movie when the phone rang. It took her by surprise and she dropped the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Fen, it’s me, Brad.”

“Brad, do you know what time it is?”

“No, did I wake you?”

“No, I was watching a bad movie, how did you get my number?”

“That’s a long story, and one I’m in no mood to go into.”

“Is that Lilly screaming?”

“Yes, and I don’t know what to do.”

“And you think I do?”

“You’re a woman.”

“It doesn’t mean I have any mothering instinct.”

“Well you should.”

“Have I told you about all my childhood pets?”

“Fen, I’m desperate…she’s been screaming for two hours.”

“Call her mom.”

“No, I want to do this on my own.”

“Yeah, and calling me is doing it on your own>”

“Well, it’s late and I’m going crazy.”

“I’d ask Gina, but she’s in a vile mood.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing, Paul upset her,” Fenny said as she heard Lilly let out another awful wail. “Is she hungry or something?”

“No.”

“Need a diaper change?”

“No.”

“Teething?”

“What?”

“Getting her teeth?”

“Oh my god, what do you do if they’re doing that?”

“I don’t know, ask your mom.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“She doesn’t know.”

“Brad!”

“I know, I know…I should tell her she’s a grandmother.”

“Yeah, I think she might appreciate that.”

“You know she’ll kill me.”

“Well she’ll have to get in line behind me.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Well, if you thought with your brain instead of your…”

“I was drunk.”

“And yet you were sober when you fucked Ritza, amazing.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“Well, you get yourself into these impossible situations where everyone else suffers.”

“I’m such a fuck up,” Brad breathed and then scolded himself for swearing in front of Lilly.

“You’re relationship challenged, but you’re pretty darn fine in every other way,” Fenny soothed.

“Thanks, I feel the same way about you.”

Fenny giggled. “This is the most we’ve talked in months.”

“I know. Hey…” Brad paused. “Guess what?”

“Japanese warriors have silly hairdos?”

“No, Lil’s asleep.”

“Oh, well…I guess you should do that, too.”

“Yeah, I probably should.”

“Well, it was nice to talk.”

“Yes it was…I miss you.”

“I know,” Fenny breathed. “Night, take care of Lil.” She ended the call and sunk back into the bed. The jet lag seemed to suddenly catch up with her and she soon fell asleep.

Gina opened her eyes and checked the clock. It was 7:30 am. She turned over and slapped Paul’s arm.

“Ow, what the fuck was that for?” Paul grumbled.

“You have to get up,” Gina huffed.

“Well you could have told me that without the brutality,” he whined as he sat up and stretched.

“Yes, but hitting you makes me feel so much better,” she snide.

“You’re not still in a shitty mood about last night, are you?” he sighed as he searched for the clothes he’d thrown around the room, half asleep the previous night.

“You better believe it,” she hissed.

“I was tired and angry.” Paul smelled his shirt, decided it smelt bad and staggered over to his bag to find a clean one.

“Oh, I know that, that’s not what I’m annoyed about.”

“Ok,” he nodded, “want to give me a clue?”

“If you don’t know, I’m not telling you,” Gina spat and pulled the covers over her head.

Paul shrugged and disappeared into the bathroom, trying to work out why women were so completely mental and if they had a disorder that stopped them from actually discussing problems and instead turning them into cryptic crossword clues.

“Question 12, a puerile incident brought on by lack of sleep and fucked up publicists. Answer, not sure but my wife is phenomenally pissed off and has decided to not talk about it and instead fire off a stupid game of ‘guess what fucked up thing I said?’ ” Paul mumbled as he turned on the shower.

Fenny woke feeling surprisingly rested and decided to go and see if Gina had cheered up. She padded out of her room and knocked on the hotel room door. Several seconds passed before Gina answered.

“Morning,” Fenny smiled.

“Yeah, come in,” Gina grumbled and crawled straight back into bed.

“You guys still fighting?” Fenny mused.

“Technically she’s fighting,” Paul declared as he appeared from the bathroom, buttoning up his shirt.

“How can only one of you be fighting?” Fenny asked curiously.

“Because I’m not entirely sure what I’ve done, and Gina’s doing that thing all bloody women do,” Paul scorned.

“Which is?” Fenny asked.

“If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you,” Paul announced in a high pitched voice.

“Well, you should know,” Fenny agreed.

“Don’t you start,” Paul chided as he pulled on his shoes.

“You can hit him if you want,” Gina offered.

“Hey, there’s an idea,” Fenny cooed.

“You two are horrible. I’m leaving before you get violent. I’ve got to look pretty for TV,” Paul chided and grabbed his suit bag.

“We wouldn’t gang up on you, don’t want to see you cry like a girl,” Fenny mused.

Paul narrowed his eyes. “So, I’ll see you guys tonight?”

“Don’t count on it,” Gina huffed.

Fenny rolled her eyes. “I’ll try and cheer her up before then.”

“You can put her in a sack and throw her in a river for all I care,” Paul jeered and ducked as Gina’s pillow flew over his head.

Brad rolled over and wearily opened his eyes. It was 11am. He closed them again and started to drift. Then he sat bolt upright. It was 11am, he was supposed to be meeting the others for a workshopping session at ten. “Shit.” Brad leapt out of bed and began pulling on his clothes. He tripped twice and landed spread eagled on the bed. He scrambled back to his feet and hurried into the bathroom to quickly tame his hair, and use some deodorant. Then he grabbed his car keys and bolted out the door. Half a second later he dashed back in; he’d completely forgotten Lilly. She was still asleep and he scooped her up into his arms as the phone rang.

“NO,” Brad whined as he hurried back into the living room and answered the phone,

“Hello, make it very, very quick.”

“Brad, it’s Ella,” came the barely whispered reply.

“Ella, what’s wrong?”

“I’ve got a bug or something. Could you please look after Lilly just for another day?”

Brad looked at the sleeping child in his arms. “Yeah, course I can.”

“Thanks.”

“Not a problem, you get well now,” Brad perked and hung up. “Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap,” he whined and began to gather Lilly’s things. Looked like the guys were going to get an introduction after all.

It was just after 9pm when Gina and Fenny arrived at the Channel 10 studios in Melbourne. It was totally different from anything in LA: much, much smaller.

“So, are we using your usual method of getting in?” Fenny asked.

“I can’t see why we can’t go in with the audience,” Gina said curtly.

Fenny crossed her arms and looked at Gina, knowing that Gina had the patience of a gnat.

“Fine,” Gina sighed and led Fenny toward the entrance. They breezed past security and Gina led the way down the corridor. She noticed a short, young man approaching them.

“Hey Gina,” perked the young man.

“Hi Rove,” Gina smiled. “This is Fen, she’s American.”

“Hello Fen,” Rove grinned and shook her hand. “Gina, being American isn’t a disability,” he added.

“Yeah, it’s a genuine source of entertainment,” Gina chided.

Rove laughed and looked at Fenny. “You should hit her for that.”

“I plan to,” Fenny agreed.

“So, is he in the green room?” Gina asked.

“Yeah, freaking Marina out,” Rove mused. “Go down there if you want,” he added pointing down the corridor.

“Thanks,” Gina smiled and led Fenny away.

“So he was who?” she asked in a hushed voice.

“The host of the show,” Gina mused.

“No, really? But he’s young and good looking?” Fenny gasped.

“Yeah, sure beats Letterman,” Gina perked as they stopped outside a door labelled ‘Green Room.’

“We going in?” Fenny asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be the good wife,” Gina replied and opened the door. There were the night’s musical act sprawled on a couch in one corner; a lonesome looking stand-up comedian, and Marina Prior seated in an armchair, which Paul was sitting on the arm of. He looked up as they entered and excused himself from Marina.

“She’s talking to you then?” Fenny chided.

“Yes, we’ve dealt with the whole freaky thing,” Paul mused.

“You’re such a slob,” Gina sighed and began to adjust his tie.

“I’m wearing a suit, I’m trying,” Paul whined.

“Those are like, seriously shiny shoes,” Fenny mused. “They look like something from the Spice Girls.”

“Yes thankyou, just ruin my confidence,” Paul declared.

“Just letting you know we’re on in two,” Rove chirped, poking his head around the door.

There was a chorus of “Thanks mate,” and then everyone went back to what they were doing.

“We better get to our seats,” Fenny perked.

“Yeah,” Gina nodded. “Behave,” she added, turning to Paul and giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Would I do anything less?” Paul smiled.

“YES,” Marina called from her armchair, Paul shot her a bemused look and she shrugged.

“I’m so, so sorry I’m late,” Brad babbled, dropping the baby bag at his feet.

“Dude, you can’t bring Lil here,” Greg declared.

“Ella’s sick, so I have to,” Brad grumbled.

“She’s pretty cute,” Ryan perked as he wandered over to take a closer look at the bundle in Brad’s arms.

“Did you bring her stroller or something for her to sleep in?” Colin asked.

“Crap,” Brad groaned.

“We might have something in the props department,” Drew suggested.

“My god, Drew had an idea,” Greg jeered.

“I’ll go look,” Wayne offered and hurried off.

“Can I have a hold?” Ryan asked.

“Sure,” Brad mused and gratefully handed Lilly over to Ryan.

“She’s a great sleeper,” he cooed.

“Not last night she wasn’t. Hey, what do you know about teething?” Brad sighed.

“Don’t expect to sleep for a while,” Ryan chided.

“Well that’s helpful,” Brad grumbled as Ryan took off with Lilly to introduce her to everyone.

“Lilly, I’d like you to meet Drew,” Ryan cooed.

“So Lilly, what’s it like to be the result of a drunken night of infidelity?” Drew jeered.

“We’ll just ignore Drew. he’s a moron,” Ryan scorned and wandered over to Colin. “Lilly, this is Colin. You’ll be pleased to know you have more hair than him.”

“Only on her head,” Colin stated.

Ryan looked at Colin strangely and moved on without further question. By then Lilly had woken up.

“Lilly, I’d like you to meet…”

“We’ve met,” Greg huffed as Lilly gave him a big smile.

“I think somebody wants to come to Unkie Greg,” Ryan teased.

“Unkie Greg is going to say some very nasty words to Unkie Ryan if he doesn’t go away soon,” Greg scorned.

“He doesn’t mean it,” Ryan perked and thrust Lilly into Greg’s arms. Lilly instantly went for his glasses.

“Oh no you don’t,” Greg announced and quickly freed them from her hand.

“You know, this isn’t getting any workshopping done,” Drew piped up.

“Well, we happen to like Lilly better than work,” Brad chided.

“Speak for yourself,” Greg huffed as Lilly grabbed his glasses and started to suck on them.

“Gorillas doing aerobics, huh?” Fenny mused.

“Yeah, wasn’t expecting that one,” Gina giggled as Rove introduced Paul and Marina. The crowd whooped as they hurried toward the interviewing couches, Paul nearly tripping over Marina after being an idiot.

“Rove,” Paul grinned.

“Hi handsome,” Rove jeered as they hugged and then flumped into the seats. Paul sat with Marina on a couch and Rove sat in his own chair. They chatted about The Witches of Eastwick and what a challenge it must be for Paul to play the devil. There was talk about how raunchy it was, and about Marina having to sing with her legs around his waist.

Fenny nudged Gina. “You should help him rehearse.” Gina looked back tersely.

After the promotion talk was out of the way, the conversation moved onto how they’d all spent time busking.

“It was more like begging with song,” Paul chided, cracking Rove up and then delving into a story about getting a 500 strong crowd in Montreal to yell “Fuck Off” at the police. The interview has progressed reasonably well, nothing embarrassing had been revealed and Paul had only insulted the audience twice.

“Now, Paul, I have to ask you something,” Rove smiled.

“Yeah,” Paul said wearily.

“I’ve heard rumours that after a break from rehearsals, you returned quite battered. You had like, broken ribs, a black eye, cut lip…What happened?”

Gina and Fenny’s mouths fell open. “Oh shit,” Fenny breathed.

“He’ll be right,” Gina mused.

“I lost a fight with a couch,” Paul said bluntly, and the audience laughed. “I was helping a mate move and what I didn’t realise was his new place was upstairs. So he pulled and I pushed. And that was fine, until we got just past the landing and his phone rang. Let’s just say, there’s nothing you can do when that much yellow leather is screaming towards you.” Rove doubled over laughing and Marina just shook her head.

“Nice save,” Fenny breathed.

“A yellow couch,” Gina giggled, feeling annoyed because she was supposed to be angry with him.

Rove cut to a commercial and Paul and Marina left the stage. Gina grabbed her bag and got to her feet.

“Where are you going?” Fenny asked.

“Back to the hotel,” Gina replied.

“Not staying for the rest of the show?” Fenny said surprised.

“I’m not really in the mood,” Gina muttered.

“Oh well, I’m staying to see more of the gorillas,” Fenny perked.

“Later,” Gina mused and clambered her way out of the audience.

Fenny didn’t last until the gorillas. She got bored by the middle of Hugh Grant’s interview and decided to hunt out Paul. She found him back in the green room chatting to a tall, thin woman.

“Hey Fen, this is Corinne,” Paul perked.

“Hi,” Corinne smiled.

“Where’s Genie?” Paul asked, suddenly realizing she wasn’t there.

“She went back to the hotel,” Fenny replied.

“Oh,” Paul breathed. “Anyway, nice to catch up,” he added, turning back to Corinne. He hurried a goodbye then led Fenny into the corridor.

“Is there anyone you don’t know?” Fenny mused.

“Not really,” Paul sighed. “I thought she was in a better mood.”

“Who, Corinne?”

“No, Genie.”

“I think you telling her that you didn’t need her kind of pissed her off,” she declared.

“I never…oh yeah,” he breathed.

“On the up side, we loved the couch thing,” she perked.

“Man, I can’t believe he asked that,” he grumbled.

“Nice bit of improv. You should go on Whose Line,” she jeered.

“Show them real sex appeal,” he grinned.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” she scorned.

“Oh yeah, forgot Bradley,” Paul chided as Fenny shoved him through the electronic doors.

Brad kissed Lilly on the head before he gently placed her in her portable cot and wandered back into the living room. He fell, absolutely exhausted, onto the couch. He’d escaped from work early and now all he wanted to do was sleep. Well, actually he wanted to call Fenny and tell her everything, but he’d have to settle for pizza, beer and an early night instead. He just hoped Lilly wouldn’t wake until at least 6am. Give him the chance to regain some lost sleep. Brad suddenly realised how hard it must be for single parents and he just hoped Ella got better soon.

“Did that really happen in Montreal?” Fenny asked as she and Paul stepped out of the elevator.

“Oh yeah, one of the more tame things,” Paul mused.

“You never cease to surprise me,” Fenny perked.

“Good,” he grinned. “Wish me luck,” he added as he wandered toward the hotel room door.

“Pfft, you’ll be fine,” she perked.

Paul entered the room and was surprised to see Gina in bed. She’d been kind enough to leave a light on. He stripped off his suit, cleaned off the plastered on make up, ruffled his hair and then fell into bed. He snuggled up to Gina and she edged away

“Don’t,” she scowled.

“Fine,” Paul huffed and turned over. If she wanted to fight, so be it, but he could fight too.