“I’m bored,” Paul announced, thrusting the magazine back into the pocket on the seat in front of him.

“What do you want us to do? Pull out our travel sized Twister mat, grab a few stewardesses, slap on bikinis and start the first ‘mid-Pacific Twister championship’,” Gina asked.

“Or use our plastic forks to threaten the staff. March into the cockpit and demand the captain start a karaoke competition,” Fenny added.

“I like both those ideas,” Paul nodded. “Could we combine the two and have you two threatening people in bikinis?”

“You’re a strange little man,” Fenny sighed, shaking her head.

“I wonder how hard it is to hijack a plane,” Paul announced, to the gasps of the people in front of him.

“You’d have to do it in a unique way though,” Gina perked.

“Take me to Cuba, or I’ll make you eat the food,” Paul giggled.

“No, no…Take me to Cuba or I’ll insert the life raft up your arse…and pull the cord,” Gina grinned.

“Take me to Cuba or I’ll pour my orange juice on you…If I could open the bloody thing.”

“Take me to Cuba or I’ll ram my mini pack of salted peanuts up your nose.”

“That’d be assault with a salted weapon,” Paul mused.

“Could you imagine trying to hijack a plane with a sausage?” Gina declared.

“Do what I say, it’s pork…and it’s loaded,” Paul growled pretending to hold out a sausage, and then giggled.

“You wouldn’t dare pork me?” Gina gasped.

“On all fours, squealing like a pig,” Paul grinned.

“Ok stop now, you’re starting to disgust me,” Fenny announced, grabbing her pillow and blanket.

“Disgust you? We haven’t even started,” Gina laughed.

“You know Fen’s problem,” Paul mused looking at Gina.

“I think I do,” Gina smiled.

“Sexually frustrated,” they said together and then started giggling again.

Fenny pulled the blanket over her head. “I’m disowning the pair of you.”

“She needs to find a good man and settle down,” Paul said poignantly.

“Yes, one that can cook, clean and give her multiple orgasms,” Gina agreed.

“Shut up,” Fenny’s voice, muffled by the blanket, announced through giggles.

“Is she ok?” a voice piped up. It was a stewardess who had noted Fenny’s attempt to hide under the blanket.

“She’s fine, just needs a good root,” Paul perked, and then yelped when Fenny kicked him in the shin.

“Did you see that?” he whined, looking pathetically at Gina

“Yes, and you deserved it,” Gina added.

Brad dropped the portable cot, two overnight bags and a large teddy in the living room of his apartment. He stopped to catch his breath. In the wake of Fenny’s leaving he had decided to try and hide his loneliness by giving Ella a break and taking Lilly for the night. Lilly herself was fast asleep in the papoose that was strapped to his chest. He wandered into the bedroom and quickly arranged some pillows so he could put her down and the set up the cot.

He was just about to place her on the bed when there was a knock at the door. Brad kept hold of Lilly as he wandered back through the living room and opened the door. He expected it might have been Ella, but was surprised when it turned out to be Greg.

“Brad,” Greg announced, curiously looking at Lilly in Brad’s arms.

“Greg, what are you doing here?” Brad grumbled.

“Looking for Gina,” Greg said, still looking slightly horrified

“She’s not here,” Brad sighed. “She went with Paul and Fenny back to Australia,” he added and moved aside to let Greg in.

“Australia?” Greg gasped. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Brad shrugged. “Here take this,” he muttered and thrust Lilly into Greg’s arms.

“Brad, no…Ohhh,” Greg groaned and followed Brad, Lilly in his arms, into the centre of the living room. “What is this?” he huffed.

“It’s a baby, Greg, people have them all the time,” Brad sarced.

“I know it’s a baby, fuckwit,” Greg spat.

“Hey, don’t curse in front of my child,” Brad warned.

“Your child,” Greg half laughed.

“Yes, my child. Her name is Lilly,” Brad breathed as he carried the portable cot into his bedroom.

“But Fenny never…”

“It’s not Fenny’s. Lilly is the result of a stupid one-night stand,” Brad hissed.

“So that would explain why Fen has fu…ah…gone back to Australia,” Greg muttered. “Your child smells,” he added.

“So change her. You know how to change a baby right?” Brad scorned.

Greg looked at him blankly.

“You’ve never changed a baby?”

“I’ve never had need too.”

A wry smile crept across Brad’s face. Well if life was going to be hell, he might as well get the enjoyment of watching Greg deal with baby poo.

“The smaller pink bag in the living room. All you need is in there.”

“I’m not changing this skin-covered bile carrier for you,” Greg insisted.

You feel the water on your fingers; it’s warm and tranquil. It sends a tingling all the way from the tips of your fingers to the top of your head and the ends of your toes.

Gina was trying hard to listen to the relaxation channel on the plane’s radio. She was trying because Paul was bored and fidgety. It had been okay until Fenny had fallen asleep. He’d spent the time trying to suffocate her and whining that his shin was broken. Now, however, he’d taken to playfully kissing Gina’s neck and sliding his hand further and further up her thigh.

“Paul, if you move that hand any further…” Gina began.

“No one can see, we’re hidden by these lovely grey, itchy blankets,” Paul chided and teasingly kissed her neck again.

“What are you on? You hate this kind of public affection,” she sighed, giving up on her headphones.

“I’m not tired, I’m bored and I’m a bit…”

“Yeah, you would be.”

“Three words,” he smiled and then whispered into her ear, “Mile high club.”

“What about it?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t you think it’d be fun to join it?”

“Are you saying you haven’t?”

“Well, nearly…I never…No.”

“Well I never, I would have thought you of all men would have done the deed midair.”

“Yeah, thanks for the support, darlin’,” he huffed, “I suppose you have, have you?”

“Years and years ago,” she mused.

“Really?” he gasped.

Gina nodded and Paul pouted.

“Oh hey, everyone’s asleep but us, let’s throw caution to the wind,” Gina perked, and chucked the blanket on the floor. Paul looked a bit shocked, and tentatively undid his seatbelt.

“Not going to back out on me, are you?” Gina grinned.

“Of course not,” Paul mused.

“Stay still, you little…” Greg grumbled through gritted teeth as Lilly rolled off the changing mat and dangerously close to the coffee table. He grabbed her and placed her back on the mat, then gingerly undid the plastic strips of her diaper. The smell was stomach-churning, and Greg fumbled for a diaper sack. He deposited the diaper in the sack, tied it up and chucked it across the room as far away from him as possible. He grabbed a couple of wipes, feeling quite uncomfortable as he cleaned her up and put the fresh diaper on. Greg was surprised at his own achievement.

“Hey, I’m not bad at this diaper changing thing,” he mused.

Lilly gave him an appreciative toothless grin, and Greg couldn’t help but smile back.

“SAY CHEESE,” Brad laughed, as the flash of his camera startled Greg and cracked Lilly up.

“What are you doing?” Greg spat.

“I’m sorry, Greg Proops smiling at a baby…it was a moment worth savoring,” Brad grinned.

“You’re not going to grow up to be a big jerk like your father, are you?” Greg asked Lilly. She cooed appreciatively.

“Don’t instil evilness in my child,” Brad scorned.

“Do you mind, Lilly and I are having a private conversation,” Greg declared.

“Fine then, I’ll go and heat up her bottle,” Brad mused and disappeared into the kitchen.

“So, I’m going to assume Fen wasn’t too happy when she found out about Lil,” Greg said as he followed Brad into the kitchen, Lilly sucking on his pinkie.

“No, she was less than amicable. I’d say close to hysterically angry,” Brad replied as he placed Lilly’s bottle in the microwave.

“Can you blame her?”

“I don’t think it’s Lil that’s the problem,” Brad sighed.

Greg caught Brad’s eye and knew instantly what he was getting at. “Yeah, she has every right to be pissed at you.”

“I just want to spend some time with Lilly.”

“It’s called a balanced lifestyle, dude,” Greg scorned as he took the bottle from Brad and began to feed Lilly.

“Oh and you can talk,” Brad countered.

“We’re not talking about me here,” Greg scowled.

“You left your wife for a fantasy, man,” Brad mused.

“Gina loves me,” Greg said sharply.

“No, she loves Paul. She told you that, didn’t she? When you were just friends.”

“She was confused, ok. We have something special,” Greg huffed.

“So special that’s she’s gone to Australia with her husband. And I mean husband, they burnt their divorce papers.”

Greg looked at Lilly. What would Brad know. He’d been so caught up with his kid, he wouldn’t even remember if he’d changed his underwear recently.

“Why am I feeding your child?” Greg announced, looking miffed.

Brad shrugged. “I don’t know, and it’s a bit freaky.”

“You took your time,” Gina mused as Paul slid into the tiny plane toilet cubicle.

“I got accosted by a stewardess, she kept trying to give me lemon-scented towelettes,” Paul scorned.

“Aww,” Gina mused and pulled him to her by his shirt lapels.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Paul grinned as he brought his lips to hers. Gina’s hands slid up the back of his neck and through his hair. His worked their way up her back.

“Jeez this is romantic,” Gina breathed.

“The smell’s a bit potent,” Paul agreed and began to fumble with Gina’s belt.

“No, that’s you, babe,” Gina giggled. Paul giggled as well and they slapped a hand over each other’s mouths. The giggling was soon replaced with more lustful kissing and Gina groped for Paul’s belt and quickly undid it. She was starting on his shirt when the plane jerked violently. The seatbelt light flickered on and the captain’s voice resonated throughout the plane.

“Would you please return to your seats and put on your seatbelts. We are experiencing some mild turbulence, it shouldn’t last long, but will you please remain seated until the seatbelt light goes out. Thank you.”

“Do we go back?” Gina breathed.

“Fuck it,” Paul chuckled and moved his hands beneath her shirt as the plane jerked again. Paul stumbled backwards, tripped over the toilet and ended up jammed, legs in the air and pants around the ankles, between the toilet and the wall. Gina covered her mouth, and stepped forward to help him. The plane jerked again and she flew into the sink and gagged, totally winded.

The turbulence woke Fenny. She yawned and grabbed her glasses from the pocket on the back of the seat in front of her. She stretched and was about to question where Gina and Paul had gone when they returned together. Paul was rubbing his lower back and limping slightly, while Gina was rubbing her stomach.

“Don’t ask,” Paul breathed and he gingerly sat back down.

“It’s not a pretty story,” Gina groaned and rested her head on Paul’s shoulder.

Fenny looked at the pair of them and burst out laughing. “Oh guys, you don’t have to say a word.”