“Fucking hell, I hate that joke about Julia Gillard,” Paul muttered as he sat in his office studying the script for that week’s show. He made a note next to the line with a pencil and continued reading until there was a knock at the door. No one usually knocked, they usually just walked in and sprawled themselves in a empty chair. “Enter!” he called in his best lord of the manor voice.

“Hi,” Gina said meekly as she stepped into the room.

Paul dropped his pencil onto the desk and raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”

“Yeah hi, it’s nice to see you too,” she quipped and crossed her arms.

“Come to gloat some more, have you?”

“Gloat?”

Paul slowly got to his feet. “Well it was pretty convenient that Levi turned up, wouldn’t you say?”

“It’s Lee, for fucks sake, it’s LEE!” Gina snapped. “I came here,” she continued through gritted teeth, “to apologise for LEE’S uninvited appearance and how I was sorry for how uncomfortable that made you.”

“Good,” Paul spat. “Do you have any idea how I felt seeing you pawing each other like that?”

“Yeah, actually, I do,” Gina spat back. “I felt the same damn way every time you went home to Freya.”

“Freya!” Paul gasped. “You’re still fucking on about that?”

“Yes I’m still on about that.”

“You need to move on.”

“Like you did? Keeping me around for the sex but then making me befriend your fucking mistress.”

“MOVE ON!”

“We were married, McDermott, MARRIED!” Gina hissed. “At least we’re not now and whatever I do with LEE is none of your damn business.”

“I risked my life for you.”

“Oh here we go,” Gina rolled her eyes. “Here comes the stories of your heroism.”

“I shot a man in the balls for you.”

“I pistol whipped a Mafia leader for you.”

“I saved your arse in that club in Glasgow.”

“Oh please, MOVE ON!”

“You move on.”

“I have,” Gina sneered. “Fuck you Paul, I’ve had it,” she added and stormed out.

Paul stood breathing heavily a moment before he snatched up a book from his desk and threw it against the wall. It left a large dent in the paint work.

“Everything all right in here little buddy?” Mikey asked, gingerly stepping into the room.

“Just fucking fantastic,” Paul growled.

“This isn’t awkward at all,” Clare mumbled and Paul shot her daggers.

“This isn’t my fault,” he huffed.

“Well…” Mikey mused and looked at the wall.

“Ah, you made her befriend your mistress,” Clare gasped. “Which I didn’t know and quite frankly I’m disgusted by.”

Paul’s face fell. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

Seven Days, 2 hangovers and lots of ice cream later…

“More beer!” someone yelled and another batch of stubbies were thrust into the hands of the Good News Week cast, crew and guests. Paul cracked the top off the latest offering and drank deeply. It was a nice feeling to have another successful show completed. All the guests had been extra silly and he’d laughed until it hurt. He brought the bottle to his lips again as the small crowd began to hush and one of the crew members pushed through them toward Paul.

“Uh, Paul.”

“Yes mate.”

“There’s this guy that wants to meet you,” the crew member said rather breathlessly. “He won’t take no for an answer.”

“Oh.” Paul licked his lips. Oh hell, it couldn’t be a heavy? Surely not. Not here, not now. He glanced around for some sort of weapon and decided his beer bottle would have to do. “Better show him in,” he nodded, taking a deep breath and concluding that it would be hard to abduct him among so many witnesses.

“Ok,” the crew member said rather reluctantly and dashed out of the room. A moment later the room fell into an awed hush as a large figure stepped in the door. His head was shaved, showing the tattoos that crawled up his neck. A small goatee barely covered the scars on his face and his great bulk sent the nearest puny writer backing into the corner. The gathered crowd looked from the large man, to Paul and back, waiting to see how this encounter was going to end.

“Beven!” Paul gasped. “Holy fuck.”

“Paul, sorry to barge in and everything,” Beven said apologetically.

“Think nothing of it,” Paul mused. “Would you like a beer?”

“Were you going to glass me with that bottle?”

“Maybe.”

Beven shook his head. “I would’ve snapped your back with my left knee.”

“I know.”

“This is uncomfortable,” Colin Lane declared, wide-eyed.

“So what brings you here, mate?” Paul asked as he made his way over to Beven.

“Its Ritz,” Beven babbled. “She’s in labour!”

“What?” Paul gasped. “I didn’t even know she was pregnant.”

“Well it wasn’t exactly planned…”

“Still, you’ve been there before, right? With your son?”

“No, no I was busy putting the Richardson twins through a meat grinder.”

“Of course you were,” Paul blanched and then shook his head. “So…”

“So I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing,” Beven winced. “And I saw you on the telly in the waiting room and…”

“Freaked out?”

“Sorta.”

“You’ve killed people and yet this is more terrifying?”

“I don’t see your point.”

Paul allowed himself a small chuckle. “What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t really have any friends, could do with some moral support.”

“I’ll rally the troops, shall I?”

“What?”

“Long story,” Paul sighed. “Let’s get out of here and get a cab.”

Gina lay curled on the couch watching Underbelly, enjoying the senseless killing and idly declaring, “done that, and that, done that twice,” as the events unfolded. She reached for another Malteser as Mark Moran got fatally shot putting out his bins, and was interrupted by her phone ringing. She paused the DVD and answered her phone without looking who was calling.

“Hello?”

“Genie.”

Gina sat up suddenly and her Maltesers scattered across the couch and onto the carpet. “Shit.”

“Please don’t hang up.”

“I spilt my chocolate.”

“Oh.”

“What do you want, Paul?”

“Ritza’s having a baby, now, you’ve gotta get the others and meet us at the hospital.”

“Us?”

“Beven and Me.”

“Oh, right.”

“Gotta go we’re here.”

“Ok.”

Paul ended the call and Gina sat in stunned silence a moment. Lewis looked up from his place at her feet and gave her a knowing look.

“Don’t judge me,” she frowned as she clambered up from the couch dialling Fenny’s number.

“Hello?”

“Fen, where are you?”

“About to order dinner with Artie.”

“You’ve gotta cancel your plans.”

“Why?”

“Ritza is in labour, we’ve gotta get to the hospital.”

“Of course.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

“Wait what? Why do I have to go?”

“Moral support, apparently,”

“But I hate births and babies.”

“Fen.”

“I’m hungry.”

“I’ll give you vending machine money.”

“Fine, but if Artie stops talking to me for a week I blame you.”

“I see that as a positive,” Gina chided and ended the call and dialled Brad’s number.

“Gina, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, I am a married man and you can’t just use me for my body.”

“You’re an idiot, Sherwood.”

“And I’m a little bit tipsy.”

“Well now you have to get in a cab and get to the hospital?”

“Why? Is Fen hurt?”

“No, but Ritza is in labour.”

“Oh my god!”

“And Beven has asked us to come for moral support.”

“I’m already out the door,” Brad’s breathless voice declared and she heard a door slam.

“Ok then,” Gina mused, deciding Brad was a little too eager by anything with a full uterus. “See you there,” she added and ended the call.

“Have you ever been at a birth?” Beven asked as he and Paul hurried up the corridor to the maternity wing.

“Yes,” Paul winced at the memory. “Official cameraman.”

Beven looked at him strangely as they reached the waiting room. “Now what happens?”

“You go into the birthing suite and help your woman bring that bouncing baby hitman into the world.”

“What if I don’t?”

“She’ll probably break your back over her left knee.”

“Right,” Beven took a deep breath but didn’t move.

“Now mate, go now,” Paul chided and watched as Beven headed a little further up the corridor and turned right. Paul let out a sigh and slumped into an empty chair. Thankfully this waiting room was empty.

“This baby better come quick,” Fenny groused as she stalked into the room and sat heavily at one end of a couch. “I’m hungry.”

“There’s a vending machine in the lobby,” Paul suggested as he unbuttoned his suit jacket.

Fenny looked at him strangely. “Did you come from a taping?”

“No Fen, I always suit up on weekends.”

Fenny poked out her tongue and Paul wrinkled his nose as Brad raced into the room.

“Is it born? What is it? How much does it weight?”

“It’s not even crowning, mate,” Paul mused. “You sick baby-loving freak.”

“Birth is a beautiful thing,” Brad pouted and sat on the edge of the other free chair. “I wish Lilly’s birth had been filmed.”

“That’s so wrong I don’t even have words to express it,” Paul frowned and looked up as Gina entered. She said nothing but sat next to Fenny on the couch.

The room fell silent and silence dragged on to an uncomfortable level. Fenny glanced at Brad. They hadn’t spoken since that one night of drunkenness and it hardly seemed like it was about to be resolved any time soon as Brad was clearly in insane father mode. For a moment she wondered if he was now only aroused by women who were gestating. Mortified by the thought, she glanced at Gina who was busying herself playing Bejewelled on her cell phone. Knowing about the fight she’d had with Paul it surprised Fenny that her friend didn’t look at all angry, just nervous and a little flushed. Paul on the other hand, she observed, kept shooting looks in Gina’s direction. It was obvious he desperately wanted to talk to her but was hoping she’d get the ball rolling.

“Well, birth or no birth,” Fenny announced with mock cheerfulness. “I’m starving and you offered me vending machine money,” she added and raised an eyebrow at Gina.

Gina’s forehead wrinkled and she sighed as she fumbled her purse out of her bag and handed Fenny a handful of change. “Bring back some Skittles or M&Ms.”

“You’re talking to me here,” Fenny mused as she got to her feet. “The machine will be out of order or it’ll eat my money.”

“Good point,” Gina nodded. “I’ll expect my money back then.”

Fenny shot her an amused look as she headed out of the waiting room. “Come with me, husband, and let’s work off some of that nervous energy,” she added and patted Brad on the head.

“Huh?” he blinked and looked at her.

“Walkies, come,” she whistled and Brad looked at her like she’d lost her mind entirely before he got up and followed her.

Gina glanced up from her game of Bejewelled and caught Paul looking at her. They stared in silence. Each getting more and more uncomfortable as the silent seconds dragged on.

“Need to pee,” Paul suddenly declared.

“Gotta make a call,” Gina gasped.

They stared a moment longer before Paul leapt up and almost ran from the room while Gina fumbled with her phone.

Fenny slotted some of the small change she had into the machine and then studied her options. There wasn’t much of a choice, salt or sugar or both and a possible heart attack and type two diabetes. Still, she was hungry and vending machine edibles were her only option.

“Cheese and Onion Chips or Prawn Crackers?” she announced over her shoulder to Brad. “No? What about a Snickers? Some weird natural candy snakes? They don’t have preservatives that’s kinda healthy right? What about a Wagon Wheel? I mean that’s cookie, chocolate and marshmallow?” Fenny shot a look in Brad’s direction and noticed, as she suspected, he wasn’t paying attention at all and was looking at his cell phone. “Waiting on a call?”

“No,” he replied running his thumb over the buttons. “Missing my little princess.”

“Well you did go halfway around the world searching for your long lost wife,” Fenny mused and then bit her lip as she pondered her next question. “So is this like when she was born?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t there,” Brad sighed still looking at his phone. “I was performing in some tiny ass theatre somewhere.”

“Oh.”

“See, Ella never pressured me to be involved. The baby was an accident, after all,” he swallowed. “But as soon as I saw her, man, everything changed. She was so tiny, and pink and warm and squishy.” Brad looked up and smiled. “The first time I saw her she was screaming her head off, purple with rage. I took her from El and started singing to her whatever came into my head and she just snuggled in and went to sleep.”

“Daddy’s girl from the beginning, eh,” Fenny smiled, unable to avoid the pure joy that was radiating from Brad as he talked about Lilly. She realised then that she’d never really bothered to ask about Lilly’s birth before and felt suddenly mortified. This was something so precious to Brad and she’d been, well, been rather selfish when she thought about it. Fenny felt her cheeks flush. “I’m sorry I’ve never asked before.”

“It’s ok,” Brad shrugged. “It’s in the past and I didn’t handle the whole situation well with you anyway.”

“No, it’s not all right,” Fenny frowned as she moved toward him. “I can see in your face how much she means to you and while, granted, her arrival into the world wasn’t the best situation ever and you’ve certainly had huge moments of stupidity since her birth, you’re the best daddy I have ever seen…”

“How is your Dad by the way?”

“He just bought a plasma that takes up nearly an entire wall of the living room. They had to buy a smaller couch to compensate.”

“Why?”

“So he can watch Harry Potter in Blu Ray.”

“Forked out for the Blu Ray player as well, eh?”

“No, couldn’t afford it after buying the television.”

“Oh,” Brad looked amused and Fenny couldn’t help but smile at the daft look on his face.

“Unlike my father though, you are a great daddy,” she chided and playfully tugged the front of his shirt.

“Do I call her?”

“Wait until tomorrow. She’ll be sleeping now.”

Brad nodded and clasped the hand that was playing with his shirt. “I’m glad you asked.”

“Me too,” Fenny breathed as they studied each other a moment. She moved a little closer. Deciding whether to attempt to kiss him or not when they were interrupted by a whirring and clunking.

“Sick! Free Burger Rings!” a teen boy enthused as he retrieved the orange packet from the tray at the bottom of the machine.

“You have got to learn to decide, then put the pennies in, woman,” Brad chided and shook his head.

Gina looked up as Paul reappeared with two plastic cups. He walked over to the couch and she looked at him curiously.

“Tea,” he announced and held one of the cups out to her.

“Thanks,” she said quietly and took the cup. “For a moment there I though you were going to tell me you couldn’t find the toilet, had to pee in cups and didn’t know what to do with them now.”

“That only happened once,” Paul moaned as he sat down beside her. “Let it go.”

“No, it was both weird and icky,” she said stoically as they narrowed their eyes at each other. Paul started mumbling all manner of ridiculous threats and Gina felt her resolve crack and she began to giggle.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” he wailed as he rested his head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry I was an arsehole.”

“You were more a humongous dickhead,” Gina chided as she rested her head against his.

“I just, I can’t get used to the fact you’re not mine any more.”

“I know, hon,” Gina sighed and kissed the top of his head. “Besides, I know I’d find it hard to get over me too.”

Paul lifted his head quickly and pouted. “Here I am pouring my heart out to you, and what do I get in return, huh? This harshness is uncalled for.”

“Suck it up, princess,” Gina chided and broke into giggles until she watched the expression on Paul’s face change from stunned to mischievous. “Oh god.”

“Was it really that hard to choose a packet of chips and a candy bar?” Brad mused as he and Fenny approached the waiting room door. They paused and shot each other a curious look as they were greeted by giggles and squeals.

“I don’t think I want to know,” Fenny winced as they hesitantly approached the door and stood stunned at the scene before them. Gina was pinned to the couch as Paul straddled her. His hands firmly pinned down her arms and his face close to hers and he made a series of phlegm collecting noises in his throat.

“Don’t you dare, McDermott!” Gina shrieked as she wriggled about beneath him.

Paul made another hacking, snorting throaty noise, “Don’t think I can hear you right Coleman,” he said, pretending his mouth was full of spittle.

“Could you guys be any more super inappropriate,” Fenny gasped and tried her best to look very angry. Feeling she was failing, she quickly drank a mouthful of Pepsi and elbowed Brad.

“Women are bringing life into the world and you guys, you’re…”

“Giving good reason as to why they shouldn’t,” Fenny cut in. Brad looked down at her and narrowed his eyes.

“Honey, no.”

“If they were my children I’d have my reproductive bits sealed in concrete and dropped into the deepest part of the ocean.”

“Gee, thanks Fen,” Paul chided as he climbed off Gina and settled back onto the couch. “Nice to know I’m so unlovable.”

“You’re not unlovable,” Gina smiled and patted his thigh.

“You divorced me!”

“Un-cohabatative, yes,” she soothed. “Unlovable no.”

“Oh,” Paul sighed. “Wait, does that mean you still love me?”

Gina open and closed her mouth a couple of times. “Y’know I’m having sex with a man much younger than you.”

Paul looked dumbstruck and then managed a feeble, “Well yeah, thanks for that information. I’ll keep it tucked away for the moments when I can’t decide whether to drink until I pass out or chuck myself from the bathroom window.”

“I’ve gotta know,” Brad swallowed. “Dude, why the bathroom?”

Paul’s face fell into a childlike pout. “It’s the only one I can reach.”

Fenny snorted with laughter, “Sorry, I know you’re hurting and all, but I got the image.”

The waiting room television was well into showing infomercials when Beven burst into the room in an ill-fitting hospital gown.

“Wake up, you fuckers!” he snapped as he noticed his four friends were all fast asleep in their preferred seats.

“Gah, don’t pistol whip me,” Brad gasped then realised he wasn’t in a hotel room with a gun to his head. The rest of the gang slowly woke, rubbing their eyes and yawning. “Shit the baby’s here!”

“What is it?” Gina asked as she ran her fingers through her hair.

“It’s a girl,” Beven beamed and Brad leapt up and wrapped him in a hug. “A tiny little girl.”

“Congratulations, man.”

“Yeah, congrats mate,” Paul added as he walked over and shook Beven’s hand. 


“Come see her,” Beven enthused and he smiled at the bleary faces before him. No one felt brave enough to refuse so they followed him down several corridors to a private room. It was bare inside apart from an exhausted looking Ritza who was gently holding the sleeping bundle in her arms in bed.

“Hey guys,” Ritza smiled, only taking her eyes of the baby for a second.

“Wow she’s…” Gina began.

“A baby,” Brad cut in.

“Yep,” Fenny nodded.

“A girl one,” Paul added.

“Does she have a name?” Brad asked looking slightly dew eyed.

“Milla,” Ritza replied as she ran a gentle finger over the child’s head. “Do you guys want a hold?”

The four glanced at each other with Fenny, Paul and Gina sharing looks of wanting to do anything but. Followed quickly by the unspoken knowledge that Brad would need to be stopped.

“Isn’t she gorgeous, Brad,” Fenny beamed as she slid beside him, her arm creeping around his back.

“She’s beautiful,” he sighed. “Ritz can I…” Brad stopped abruptly screamed and doubled over clutching his side.

“Oh gosh his kidney is playing up again,” Fenny said rather unconvincingly.

“We should probably go,” Gina declared and Brad whimpered. “Let you guys rest.”

“Ok,” Ritza giggled despite her tiredness. “When things settle down you’ll have to come over and we’ll have a proper celebration.”

“Sounds great,” Paul beamed. “We’ll be there,” he added as there was a moment of uncomfortable smiling and goodbyes.

“I hate you,” Brad spat as they headed out of the hospital to Gina’s waiting beetle in the car park.

“It was for your own good,” Fenny insisted as Brad continued to rub his side.

“Where did you even learn to do that, huh?”

“I didn’t just sit around when I left you, you know.”

“Obviously.”

“I caught the plane to France with Eric.”

“Eric?”

“The FBI guy, y’know, the one working with Otto.”

“Oh, that Eric.”

“He was good company.”

“How good a company?”

Fenny raised her eyebrows and gave Brad a tight smile and they climbed into the back of the car.

“Fen?”

“She didn’t root him,” Gina yawned dropping into the driver’s seat. “Now, who’s going where?”

“I want to go home,” Paul said sleepily as he slid into the car beside her.

“Sherwood?”

“I’m easy.”

“Fenella?”

“Whatever.”

“I’m going to slap someone soon,” Gina frowned and she started the engine. They drove in silence as the radio station that was tuned in played endless easy listening tunes. Eventually Gina pulled up outside her own apartment and Paul slid out of the car and pulled the seat forward so Brad and Fenny could get out. “If you don’t want to sleep together one of you can sleep on the couch. I’m sure you can work out the arrangements yourself.”

“The couch is too small for me,” Brad huffed and Fenny cocked her head at him.

“There’s no way in hell I’m getting kicked out of my own bed.”

“Let’s go, McDermott,” Gina sighed and Paul climbed back into the car as they took off leaving Brad and Fenny to argue it out.

It was a good thirty minutes before Gina arrived at Paul’s apartment. She stifled a yawn as she put on the brake.

“Thanks for driving me home,” Paul said gently. “I know you’re exhausted. You could’ve just made me catch a cab.”

“I had an ulterior motive,” Gina sighed. “I wanted to apologise for being awful earlier.”

Paul shrugged. “Its the truth, isn’t it?”

“You know it’s the truth.”

“That you’re fucking a much younger man.”

“That’s not the bit I was thinking of.”

“I know,” Paul sighed and looked over at her. “I hate this.”

“Me too.”

“And him.”

Gina gave a tired laugh and reached over to squeeze Paul’s hand.

“You could come upstairs and sleep in my bed you know.”

“I know.”

“I want you to.”

“I know.”

“I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and be kissed awake in the morning.”

“Aw Pauly,” Gina breathed. “I want that too.”

“So why are we still sitting here?”

“Because it hurts too much.”

“One night, please,” Paul pleased squeezing her hand tightly.

“No,” Gina swallowed. “I won’t go back there, I won’t.”

“Fuck,” Paul whispered. He pulled her gently into his arms for a hug, dropped a kiss on her forehead and then pulled away. “You’re killing me, Genie.”

He closed the door and she drove home in tears.