Fenny read the previous day’s TV guide for the fifth time. She still wasn’t sure what Brad had watched and what he defined as a documentary. She’d narrowed it down to “The History of Sex” and “Bikini Queens,” and was more than certain it was the latter. Lilly began to sob from her playpen and Fenny hauled herself off the couch and wandered over. She didn’t have to get too close to know what was wrong.

“Oh wow, you stink,” she grimaced and reluctantly picked the child up. Fenny carried her to where she’d set up the change mat and gently placed her on it.

“This so isn’t cool,” Fenny grumbled as she grabbed a diaper bag and a handful of baby wipes. She unbuttoned Lilly’s romper suit and half closed her eyes as she removed the diaper and stuffed it in a perfumed bag as quickly as possible.

“Methinks I’ll have to get the air freshener,” Fenny mused as she quickly cleaned Lilly up and stuck a clean diaper on her. “I’d complain too if I had lie around in my own bodily wastes.”

Lilly gurgled and Fenny gently stroked her soft pink cheeks. The tender moment was interrupted by a knock at the door. Fenny lifted Lilly into her arms and padded over, fighting Lilly’s attempts to get her glasses as she opened the door.

“He injured himself,” Gina declared as she sauntered past Fenny into the apartment.

“It’s a scratch,” Paul huffed, throwing his arms in the air.

“What did he do?” Fenny asked, still fighting Lilly.

“Show her,” Gina ordered.

“It’s nothing” Paul scowled.

“Have you got any antiseptic?” Gina asked.

“In the bathroom,” Fenny replied, distracting Lilly with a rattle.

Gina marched off to the bathroom. “I’m fine,” Paul called after her.

“Well, what did you do?” Fenny asked.

“I’ll show you,” he mused with a coy smile and began unbuttoning his shirt.

“You’re too young for this,” Fenny informed Lilly and covered her eyes.

Paul slid his shirt off one arm and removed the tissues he’d stuck over the wound. “Ow Jesus,” he winced.

“Ew, that looks painful,” Fenny cringed.

“Come into the kitchen,” Gina ordered upon returning.

“Yes Mum,” Paul sarced and followed. She pulled out a chair and he sat obediently.

“Now Lil, take note. Men act all tough and brave, but when they’re injured, they cry like girls,” Gina mused as Fenny leaned against the breakfast bar with Lilly on her hip.

Gina poured a small amount of antiseptic on a few cotton balls and then dabbed it on Paul’s wound. He hissed though his teeth and was trying his hardest not to scream obscenities.

“You know babe, you might need a trip to the doctor,” Gina sighed.

“She’s right, it looks pretty icky,” Fenny agreed.

“That’s your professional opinion, is it?” Paul huffed as Gina dabbed on some more antiseptic. “Ow, that bloody hurts, you evil woman,” he hissed.

“Be glad it wasn’t somewhere more sensitive,” Gina scorned.

“What, like his ego?” Fenny cackled.

“That’s right, pick on the injured one. My arm could be hanging off and you’d just mock me,” Paul wailed.

Gina and Fenny rolled their eyes and Lilly burst into giggles.

“Oh look, the only one who finds you funny doesn’t actually understand you,” Gina cooed as she put the lid back onto the antiseptic.

“They share the same habits, though,” Fenny perked.

“Fine,” Paul declared as he got to his feet. “I’ll walk away from this battle, but later, when you least expect it, me and the kid, we’ll get ya’s.” He puffed out his chest and marched out of the kitchen.

“He didn’t get hit in the head as well, did he?” Fenny mused.

“If only,” Gina sighed and listened as Paul slipped into the bathroom. “You’ll never guess who I ran into when I went to get ice cream.”

Fenny thought for a second. “Greg,” she gasped.

Gina nodded.

“And?” Fenny asked, shifting Lilly to her other hip.

“Not a lot, really. He told me he loved me and sent me wild with a kiss. The usual,” Gina shrugged.

“No, the usual is a lustful bout of sex,” Fenny countered.

“Speaking of lustful sex…I watched a doco with Brad last night,” Gina perked, trying not to imagine the countless times she’d had great sex with Greg.

“You did? It sent Brad rampant,” Fenny gasped.

“Really? It was the history of sex, nothing too exciting, really.” Gina shrugged and caught a disappointed look on Fenny’s face. “But Brad being a guy, hey, even cream cheese is a turn on, right?”

“How did you know about that?” Fenny asked.

“Lucky guess,” Gina shrugged, and was relieved to hear the bathroom door open. Paul wandered into the kitchen in only a towel, looking miserable.

“The hot water has made my arm feel numb, I don’t think that’s good.”

“See, I told you, you’re going to the doctor’s,” Gina cussed as he wandered back out again.

“I’ll take him if you like. Lilly’s running low on supplies, so I can pop to the store as well,” Fenny offered.

“You sure?” Gina asked.

“Yeah, Lilly’ll enjoy the walk,” Fenny replied and handed her to Gina. “Look after her while I make myself look more human and less Ozzy Osbourne’s love child,” she added.

“So how far is it to the doctor?” Paul asked.

“A couple of blocks away,” Fenny replied, stopping to put Lilly’s hat back on. “Actually, I have an ulterior motive.”

“Oh yeah?” Paul mused, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

“I remembered what I did last night. The dancing, the singing, and…” Fenny began, her voice trailing off.

“The trying to rape Paul?” Paul chided.

“Yes, thank you,” Fenny muttered. “I feel so ashamed, I mean I can’t remember everything I said…”

“No? The phrase ‘buns of steel’ mean anything to you?” Paul asked.

“Crap, I was hoping that was a Brad bit,” Fenny grimaced. “Please tell me you haven’t told anyone?”

“I’d been drinking too, you know,” Paul whined.

“You didn’t tell Gina,” Fenny gasped.

“She’s my wife, she has a right to know that her drunken best friend tried to get into the velvet,” Paul declared.

“I’m surprised she hasn’t tried to kill me,” Fenny spat.

“Genie wouldn’t do that,” Paul retorted.

“You wanna bet? You should have seen her after she caught me in bed with Greg,” Fenny declared.

Paul stopped at glared at her.

“Shit, even when I’m sober I say the wrong thing,” Fenny cussed. “It was ages ago, before you guys had even laid eyes on each other again. She yelled at me a lot. Don’t look at me like that, Paul, you’re scaring me…I’m sorry, I’ll just shut up now and never speak again. because when I do I fuck things up.”

Paul’s face went form angry to an impish grin. “You freak so easily.”

“You’re not angry?” Fenny peeped.

“Maybe a little,” Paul perked. “Come on, let’s get to the doctor’s before my arm falls off or something.”

Gina shoved her and Paul’s wet towels, swimming gear and salty smelling clothes into the washing machine and hunted for the powder. She was scooping up a cup of blue granules when Brad appeared at the door.

“Disposing of the evidence, hey?” he asked.

Gina jumped and dropped half the powder on the floor. “Don’t do that,” she cussed and crouched down to clean up the mess.

“Sorry, here let me help,” he offered, grabbing a cloth and crouching down to help her.

“You’re finished early,” she babbled, avoiding looking at him.

“Yeah, I got bored and made up my lines. He liked them so much he left it that way,” Brad perked.

They looked at each other at the same time. Gina swallowed. “Fen took Lilly for a walk.”

“Great, I’m glad they’re getting along better,” he babbled.

“Me too,” she breathed. She quickly turned away and stood up. “You’ll be pleased to know Fen’s remembered the events of last night.”

“What events? Oh, those events,” Brad mused, shaking his head as Gina turned the washing machine on.

“She ah, wanted to see the doco…because you were so rampant apparently,” Gina continued, still avoiding looking back at Brad.

“You know that had nothing to do with that documentary?”

“I had my suspicions,” she nodded and leant against the washing machine, her arms crossed.

He nodded. “So are you really having naughty, kinky dreams?”

“Oh yeah, all the time.”

“Anyone I know?” he mused, leaning back against the doorframe.

“Someone you know very well,” she nodded.

Brad studied Gina for a moment. “Can I guess?”

“I don’t care.” She shrugged and grabbed Paul’s shirt from the basket of clothes needing ironed and began to fiddle with it.

“Is it me?” he grinned.

She looked up and caught his eye. “Shit,” she breathed and dumped Paul’s shirt back in the ironing. “Don’t ask my why, because I can’t tell you.”

“So, all that stuff we talked about last night, that was from your dreams?” he asked.

“Yep, and so is the pool table idea now,” she sighed.

“Really?” he gasped.

“Oh yeah. I mean in my perverted mind I’ve got you off in water, called you daddy, ripped a tuxedo off your back, and scored at pool,” she declared, looking at him hopelessly.

“I’d like to say I’m appalled but, for some bizarre reason…” he stopped himself and swallowed. “Fen must never know.”

“No one must ever know,” Gina agreed. “Do I need therapy?”

Brad gave her a coy smile. “I’ll be the psychiatrist.”

“I’d rather you were the couch,” she purred, raising an eyebrow.

“Ever done it on a washing machine?” he asked with a wry smile.

“I’m a quick learner,” she countered.

They held each other’s gaze for a moment, both knowing that their harmless flirting was starting to get dangerous. Brad loved Fenny, he was crazy about her, but the idea of doing something wrong, perverted and kinky was so wrongly tempting. Gina already felt totally screwed up; she adored Paul and had never been happier with him, and granted she cared deeply for Greg, but right then and there, Brad Sherwood and the washing machine were looking like a fun idea.

The phone suddenly burst into life. Brad dashed off to answer, Gina sunk to the floor as she let out a long gasp. The sexual tension that had choked the room had been unsettling and almost freakish. Damn Brad for being so devilishly handsome, damn her for being so easy and damn them both for being fiery Sagittarians, the horniest sign in the zodiac.

“Well, will you live?” Fenny asked as Paul reappeared from the doctor’s surgery.

“Yeah, he gave me two stitches and a lollipop,” Paul mused. “You get everything you needed?”

“I think so: diapers, wipes, formula… Do babies need anything else?” she asked.

“I dunno,” he shrugged. “So, you getting into this mothering thing?”

“God no,” she sighed as they headed back toward the apartment. “I mean Lilly is gorgeous, but I don’t want to be her mother.”

“Not even stepmother?”

“I might want my own kids with Brad, in my own time. Not one from a one night stand.”

“Brad’ll be crushed if you do reject Lilly. If you want Brad, you’ve gotta want his spawn as well.”

“Such is my life,” she sighed. “So what about you, any desire to be a father.”

“Oh yeah, I really want something to pass my insecurities onto,” Paul sarced.

“Does Gina know how you feel?”

“Yeah, and she told me that when she wants kids, she’ll have them whether I like it or not,” he mused.

“Does that bother you?”

“Nah, it wouldn’t be fair, she’s got a womb and might as well use it one day.”

“That’s so diplomatic of you,” she mused.

“Isn’t that what you do when you love someone, you go with it? Whether it’s a new hobby, a job, buying a house, or kids. You do it because you love them and you want them to be happy,” Paul said philosophically.

“What about your own happiness, though?” she said pointedly.

“Well, I find if you’re in love with someone and they’re happy, you’re usually pretty happy too,” he smiled.

“I hate you. You’re always right,” Fenny cussed.

“I’ve got buns of steel too,” Paul chided.

“No, don’t torment me,” she whined.

“Seriously, have you like been feeling my arse without me knowing?” he asked cheekily.

“So not answering that,” she countered.

“I’m not complaining if you have, it’s just, well…slightly freaky,” he jeered.

“Right, you can push Lilly the rest of the way,” Fenny declared, stopped the stroller and then marched off.

“HEY,” Paul called as he watched Fenny disappear around the corner.

“That was Ella,” Brad announced as Gina wandered into the living room, finally feeling calm enough to face him again.

“How’s her Dad?” she asked.

“He’s fine, she’s going to pick Ella up after dinner,” Brad replied.

“I’m sure Fen’ll be relieved.”

“Bully for Fen,” he mumbled and flumped into an armchair.

“You’ve really taken to being a dad, hey?” she smiled as she sat herself on the couch.

“I love it,” he perked. “I even thought about getting custody, until I realised that was just insane with my job.”

“You could always become a regular Joe, get a sensible job in an office,” she teased.

“I’d get bored and start impersonating all the people on the radio.”

“Whatever you do, I’m sure Lil will love you anyway.”

“I hope so. Ella’s been talking about moving somewhere better, in the country. She doesn’t want Lilly to grow up a spoiled LA kid,” he breathed.

“Do you blame her?” she asked.

“No, but I’d go crazy if I couldn’t see my little girl everyday,” Brad replied miserably.

“What about when Ella finds herself a man? Lilly’s going to have a step dad one day too,” Gina pointed out.

“You know, I’d never even thought of that,” he sighed and they both looked up as they heard the key in the lock.

“Worry about it when it comes to it, man. Right now it’s a non-issue,” she smiled.

“I’ll do that,” he smiled back, as he hopped to his feet.

Fenny wandered through the door smiling broadly.

“Where’s my child?” Brad gasped.

“Coming. Paul and I had an altercation and I made him push her back,” Fenny mused as they heard Paul’s voice down the corridor,

“WATCH THE CHILD…WHAT? AH, GET A HAIRCUT YA TOOL.” He then appeared with Lilly at the door. “Some people are so rude.”

“Princess,” Brad beamed and lifted Lilly into his arms. She gurgled and cooed and smiled as he smothered her in kisses.

“And what did the doctor say?” Gina asked as Paul flumped next to her on the couch.

“He gave me two stitches and said I was old enough to know better,” Paul sighed.

“Smart man,” Gina chided.

“If I could think of something witty to say, I would,” Paul announced blankly.

“I got some more diapers and formula,” Fenny said as she wandered over to where Brad was cooing to Lilly.

“Thanks, Ella’s coming to pick her up after dinner, though,” Brad said, not taking his eyes from Lilly’s beaming face.

“Right,” Fenny grumbled and wandered off into the bedroom.

“He’s not a bright man, is he?” Paul sighed.

“No, he makes Tori Spelling look like a genius,” Gina agreed.

“I can hear you,” Brad scorned.

“Can you? Good, because once again, you’re ignoring your future wife, you dickhead,” Paul spat.

“We’re not engaged anymore if you remember correctly,” Brad countered.

“You love her though, don’t you? Or are we just imagining that entire disgusting lovey-dovey talk you guys do?” Paul retorted.

“Do you have a point?” Brad scorned.

“Fenny is feeling rejected. Did you even say hello to her, man?” Paul groused.

“Give the child to me,” Gina ordered, getting to her feet.

Brad let out a huff and passed Lilly to Gina.

“Now go in that bedroom and don’t come out until Fenny is feeling loved, yeah?”

Fenny lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. It felt like her relationship went one step forward, two steps back. Just when she thought she could tolerate Lilly, Brad sent her emotions into a large pile of shit again. She looked at the door as it creaked open and Brad appeared. He shut it behind him and crawled all the way up the bed, falling down next to Fenny.

“I know, I know, Brad, you’re a selfish, uncaring, unfeeling, arrogant, rude, self-obsessed prick,” he declared and propped himself up on one elbow.

“Yep,” she agreed.

“Sorry again. I’ve just missed Lilly like crazy today,” he sighed.

“But you haven’t missed me,” she grumbled.

“No, the fact that there’s a rather large bunch of flowers on the kitchen table that I bought to thank you for taking care of Lilly today and the tingles I got when I saw that adorable painting in the kitchen would indicate that I’ve thought of you and missed you a lot.”

“You bought me flowers?” she peeped.

“You can check if you don’t believe me,” he offered.

“I believe you,” Fenny cooed, reaching up to caress his cheek.

Brad leaned forward and brought his lips to hers, Her hands ran though his hair as his wrapped around her body, holding her close.

“I’ve heard you remember last night,” he mumbled through kisses.

“All the good bits.”

“If it wasn’t for my fear of letting Paul near my offspring, I’d re-enact it for you,” he smiled.

She giggled and pulled him in for another long kiss.

“Here,” Gina mused and plonked Lilly in Paul’s lap,

“Oh no, don’t give the kid to me,” Paul groaned.

“She likes you,” she pointed out as Lilly dribbled on his shirt.

“Oh, yay for me,” he sarced.

“Don’t be horrible, it doesn’t suit you.”

“Yes it does, it’s what I get paid for.”

“Smart arse,” she chided, as their lips edged closer.

“Jesus, ahhhh,” Paul squealed.

“Oh what a surprise, an interruption,” Gina sighed.

“Sorry, the child decided to take tiny fistfuls of my chest hair,” he gasped as he pried Lilly’s hands from his chest hair and carried her over to the playpen. He set her next to her moose, and as he did, her bottom lip began to quiver.

“You are pure evil,” he grumbled and picked her up again, walked back to the couch and flumped next to Gina. “You can sit on my lap, but you have to leave my grotesque amount of body hair alone,” Paul informed Lilly. She gurgled appreciatively.

Gina teasingly nibbled Paul’s ear. He giggled and then caught her in a kiss. Gina slid a hand onto his chest to make sure Lilly didn’t interrupt this time.

“You do realise I have to get up and feed my child,” Brad announced, breaking off a kiss.

“Let them do it,” Fenny breathed.

“I want to do it,” he mused and reluctantly clambered off the bed. “You coming?” he asked.

“Unfortunately not,” Fenny mused.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Gina,” Brad chided as Fenny slid off the bed into his arms and another kiss.

“We never get to do this enough,” she sighed.

“I know,” he agreed and led her out of the room.

They both paused when they entered the living room. Gina and Paul were playing tonsil tennis while Lilly happily sucked on the cuff of Paul’s shirt.

“Must you do that in front of my kid?” Brad announced.

“She’s gotta learn one day,” Paul mused. “Oh man, she drooled on my shirt.”

“And so did Lilly,” Fenny giggled.

Gina burst out into giggles too.

“I’ll go and get her bottle ready,” Brad sighed, shaking his head.

“I’ll bring the child then, shall I,” Paul huffed and got to his feet, following Brad into the kitchen.

“Hey Sherwood, I’ve been thinking,” Paul announced.

“That’s always a good start,” Brad mused.

“I’m serious, man,” Paul scorned. “I think we should do something romantic for the girls, dinner or something. Considering I fucked up the first attempt.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Brad perked as he made up the formula. “How would we get them out of the apartment while we do it?”

“I don’t know, send them shopping or something. And with two of us, if we stuff it, one of us can go and get take away.”

“I like your way of thinking,” Brad chirped and handed the bottle to Paul.

“What? No,” Paul gasped as Lilly began to scream. He shoved the teat into her mouth and she sucked happily.

“So when shall we have this dinner?” Brad asked.

“As soon as possible, I want to do it before I have to go back to Melbourne,” Paul replied.

“Ok, we’ll kick them out tomorrow then,” Brad enthused.

“Kick them out,” Paul said curiously.

“Yeah, easiest way. We’ll just tell them to get out and not come home until dinner,” Brad chuckled.

Paul sniggered. “Harsh but effective.”

“It’s like the way I make love,” Brad mused.

“But you’re always so gentle with me,” Paul cooed in a camp voice, making himself laugh.

“That’s because you’re more than just a bitch to me,” Brad declared in a husky voice.

They both cracked up laughing hysterically.

“Any idea what they’re laughing about?” Gina asked turning to Fenny.

“I really, really don’t want to know,” Fenny sighed.