“I can’t believe he just did that,” Gina whispered to Fenny.

“Really?” Fenny replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Ok, maybe I can,” Gina mused as the four men on stage headed back to their seats after Colin had licked all their ears.

“Now for a game we call ‘Scene with an Audience Member’,” Drew perked, grabbing the microphone and getting to his feet. “Today it’s going to be different though, we’re having two people,” he added as he walked along the front of the crowd. “We’ll have you,” he grinned, grabbing Ritza’s hand.

“Oh, please don’t come in this direction,” Gina breathed.

“Too late,” Fenny replied.

“And you,” Drew beamed, grabbing Fenny and missing the pained look on her face.

“Oh, crap,” Gina mumbled.

“Ok, your scene is, you’re two couples at a cocktail party who are getting drunker and drunker,” Drew chuckled.

Ryan shook his head and mouthed, “No,” while Colin chuckled.

“Oh boy, is this going to be interesting,” Greg mumbled.

“Please let them be nervous and quiet,” Brad whimpered.

“Are you kidding, they’ve been glaring at each other all evening. It’s going to be nasty,” Greg perked.

“I hate my life,” Brad whined and sunk lower into his seat.

“Would you like another drink?” Ryan perked.

“Certainly darling,” Fenny replied, deciding to be professional, and took a mimed drink from Ryan.

“Haven’t we met before?” Colin asked, extending his hand to Ryan.

“No, but I think I’m your wife’s gynecologist…I just can’t tell from this angle,” Ryan replied, shaking Colin’s hand.

“You’ve obviously never been to a cocktail party before,” Ritza remarked snidely to Fenny. “Just look at that dress.” The audience chuckled.

“I happen to think it’s unique,” Fenny declared. If Ritza was going to throw the first punch, Fenny was going to put up a good fight. “Besides, it’s better than looking like something from ‘Whores ‘R’ Us’,” she scorned, earning a startled, “Oohh,” from the crowd.

“Drink?” Ryan peeped to Colin.

“Sure,” Colin swallowed.

“At least I’m dedicated to my husband. You wouldn’t catch me screwing one of his best friends,” Ritza hissed and clutched Colin’s arm.

“Oh fuck,” Greg breathed and covered his face with one hand.

“Sure, that’s right, bring that up. Why can’t anybody get over it?! I make one god damn mistake and I’m stuck paying for it the rest of my life,” Fenny retorted. The audience went silent.

“Oh what, you think he’s going to forgive you and come running back? He loves me you stupid Yankee bitch, get over it,” Ritza snapped.

Ryan looked wide-eyed at Colin and shrugged.

“Darling, don’t you think you should calm down?” Colin said meekly.

“Fuck you!” Fenny growled at Ritza. “He still loves me, you demented Aussie bush pig. Ever wonder why he didn’t tell you the truth about what he does? Ever wonder where he was going during the day?” she snapped with more venom than she knew she had.

Ritza leapt forward and Colin grabbed her, while Ryan took hold of Fenny.

“Oh dear,” Gina muttered and looked over at Brad and Greg. Brad had slid right down in his seat and was covering his face. Greg caught Gina’s eye. “DO SOMETHING,” she mouthed.

Greg didn’t even ponder; he leapt to his feet and grabbed the microphone from Drew’s desk.

“Hi, I’m Proopy Springer and you’re watching, ‘Things That Never Get Resolved’,” Greg perked. “Today we’re talking to couples who argue about completely different things,” he wandered in front of Ryan, Colin, Ritza and Fenny. “Now Jim your, let’s call her wife, seems to be a bit heated up about something you know nothing about. How does that make you feel?” He shoved the microphone close to Ryan’s mouth.

“Confused Proopy…very confused,” Ryan scorned.

“And how about you Bob?” Greg continued, shoving the microphone in Colin’s face.

“Oh, just bloody wonderful,” Colin growled as he struggled with Ritza.

“As you can see, this type of behaviour is hard on the husbands of these fine women.” Greg nodded with false seriousness. “But why do these poor women resort to this bitter, incensed state? Let’s find out,” Greg announced. “Now, Fenny…why do you insist on arguing about things your husband knows nothing about?” he mused.

“Well Proopy, the simple reason is, YOU RUINED MY LIFE,” Fenny yelled.

Greg gave a weak giggle. “Thank you for that Fenny. How about you, Ritza?”

“That cheating skank is trying to steal my lover,” Ritza hissed.

“Husband,” Greg mumbled.

“For god’s sake Greg, end the skit,” Colin begged.

Greg turned promptly to the audience. “And now for my final thought. It doesn’t matter what your snivelling, petty arguments are about as long as someone wins in the end. Goodnight,” he perked and then exhaled slowly.

Ritza broke away from Colin and dashed off the stage. Brad went after her. Ryan let go of Fenny and she wrapped her arms around herself and walked in the opposite direction of Ritza, mumbling to herself.

Gina leapt up and raced over to Greg. “Go and make sure Fenny’s alright,” she ordered.

“Now?” Greg said with slight disdain.

“Yes, I’ll deal with Drew, Ryan and Colin. Go,” Gina scorned. Greg nodded and made his way backstage.

“What the hell just happened?” Ryan asked.

“Green room,” Gina breathed and led the way backstage, heedless of the confused mumbling of the crowd.

“There had better be a good reason for what just happened,” Drew scowled.

“Oh you’re gonna love it,” Gina mused as the four of them piled into the green room and closed the door.

“Fenny, wait up, will ya,” Greg gasped as he caught up with Fenny in one of the corridors.

“Go away, Greg,” Fenny breathed as she stopped and tried to calm herself down.

“I can’t. I’ve been ordered to make sure you’re ok,” Greg half-mused.

“Ordered? Oh, Gina, right?” Fenny sighed.

“Maybe,” Greg said coyly. “Anyway, we’re talking about you,” he added.

“I hate that bitch,” Fenny scowled.

“Who, Gina?” Greg asked, confused.

“No. Ritza,” Fenny replied.

“Yeah, I kinda think Brad is the only one who really does like her,” Greg perked and leaned against the wall.

“She keeps insulting me and she doesn’t even know me,” Fenny huffed and joined Greg leaning against the wall.

“Hey, she tried to kill us—well it was apparently her sister’s idea, but she did hold a gun to us,” Greg grumbled.

“Excuse me?” Fenny gasped.

“Forget I just said that,” Greg smiled.

“Why won’t anyone tell me what happened in Australia?” Fenny huffed as she tilted her head up and closed her eyes.

“Because a lot of shit happened that we’re just no ready to talk about yet,” Greg replied.

There were a few seconds of silence.

“So, taking instructions from Gina huh?” Fenny mused.

“No. She merely suggested I make sure you were ok,” Greg replied.

“You said she ordered you to,” Fenny continued.

“I was joking,” Greg huffed.

“Of course you were. So, uh, what were you two doing for so long in that office earlier?” Fenny perked, deciding maybe a change of the subject would be good.

“Are you insinuating we had sex? Because if you are, you’re so off the mark,” Greg scoffed.

“So what were you doing then?” Fenny asked.

“Can you hear yelling?” Greg asked.

Fenny looked at him suspiciously.

“Thanks Brad…thanks a fucking lot. Now I look like a total idiot,” Ritza sobbed.

“Oh baby, I didn’t know Drew was going to pick you guys,” Brad cooed and wrapped Ritza into a hug.

“I feel so humiliated,” Ritza whimpered.

“I’m so sorry,” Brad breathed. Not as humiliated as me, he thought.

“That stupid bitch ruined everything,” Ritza continued.

“Well actually, she’s quite good at improv,” Brad said gingerly.

Ritza pulled away. “Oh great, so I was the only one up there who wasn’t a bloody expert.”

“I guess,” Brad shrugged.

Ritza let out a grunt and crossed her arms. “So where were you during the day Brad?” she asked

“You want a list?” Brad asked.

“Were you with her?” Ritza asked.

“Depends what you mean by ‘with’?” Brad muttered.

Ritza let out a loud, “Oh”, turned around and stormed off down the corridor.

“RITZ,” Brad called after her.

“LEAVE ME ALONE,” Ritza screamed back.

Gina turned around and faced an impatient looking Drew, Ryan and Colin.

“Ok,” she breathed. “I guess you want to know why your audience participation segment turned into an episode of Jerry Springer?” Drew scowled as Colin and Ryan nodded furiously. “I beg you to keep this to yourselves,” Gina said seriously.

“That’s funny coming from a journalist,” Ryan mused and then shut up.

“You know Ritza is Brad’s – ugh – woman. Well Fenny, the other chick, is Brad’s ex,” Gina began.

“So they’re jealous,” Colin shrugged.

“It gets worse. Before Fenny started seeing Brad, Greg had a fling with her. They had another fling…when she was heavily involved with Brad,” Gina finished.

Drew’s mouth was hanging open and Colin looked perplexed.

“Greg cheated on his wife,” Ryan said, disgusted.

“Hey, not everyone’s marriage is perfect, you know,” Gina spat.

“Well that explains the tension between the two guys,” Colin shrugged.

“How did Brad find out?” Drew asked.

“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask those involved,” Gina shrugged.

“So does Brad still have the hots for Fenny?” Ryan asked.

“I think he might,” Gina replied.

“I think Brad and Fenny make a nice couple,” Colin smiled.

“Well, we don’t like Ritza away,” Ryan mused.

“Why are we gossiping like women?” Drew asked.

“Because we can, dammit,” Ryan perked. “You know what the problem is now,” he added.

“Now what?” the other three asked in unison.

“We’ve got a $50 bet that no one has won,” Ryan sighed, looking at Colin.

“Maybe we should give it to Brad…get him on the real Springer show,” Drew chuckled.

“Or Greg for marriage counselling,” Colin countered.