25 – White Wedding

As she crammed the last piece of toast into her mouth, Gina looked up at Paul who was sitting diligently across from her looking like a five-year-old who was waiting for praise after doing something good.

“It was very nice,” Gina said blankly as she grabbed her glass of juice and took a mouthful. “Really.”

“Sorry, I’m being paranoid,” Paul winced. “I mean, this is kinda the first time I’ve cooked you anything.”

Gina giggled. “Christ, so it is.” She grabbed the plate, knife, fork and glass and got to her feet. Before she could move, Paul had leapt to his feet and taken the dishes from her. He then started to wash them along with several other unwashed pieces of crockery. Gina couldn’t help but look bewildered as she sauntered over to him and rested a hand on his back.

“Have you had a religious experience?”

Paul averted his attention from the dishes for a moment to look at her. “Not since I last took LSD.”

“Have you done something wrong that I should know about?”

“I used one of your pink girlie razors.” Gina raised an eyebrow at him. “They’re good for my sensitive skin.”

“There’s nothing you want to tell me?”

“Only that I love you,” Paul cooed, “and I’m sorry for all the bad shit I did recently.”

Gina’s face broke into a bashful smile. All her attempts at being strong willed and unemotional were failing. “I’ve got to go to bed,” she breathed and brushed her lips against his.

“I’ll be there soon,” he said with a wry smile and he was, but to Gina’s amazement he simply slid into bed, snuggled in and fell asleep. She wasn’t sure if she was enjoying Paul the adult as much as Paul the man-child. Still, at least they were together, uninhibited and happy, and that made a damn change.


Brad woke and stretched an arm out to wrap around Fenny. His eyes sprung open when he realised she wasn’t there. He sat bolt upright and scanned the room; her clothes were still scattered around the bedroom. This eased the paranoia that gripped him slightly. Brad slid out of bed and pulled on his boxers before sauntering out of the bedroom. He found Fenny sitting in the kitchen on the draining board and looking out of the window as she sketched.

“It’s a great view,” Brad announced as he stopped to scratch his stomach and run a hand through his hair.

“You’re not wrong. I noticed it when I was getting a glass of water…” Fenny’s voice trailed off as she stopped to concentrate. Brad wandered over and rested his head on her shoulder as he looked at her drawing.

“The shadow is wrong there,” he announced, pointing to a shadow being cast by the bridge.

“Thanks Picasso.”

“My pleasure,” Brad mused and kissed her cheek. “Have you had breakfast?”

“You want me to make something?”

“When you’re ready,” Brad sighed and looked back at the view. “Fen, remember last night…”

“It’s kinda hard to forget.”

“Remember the bit about me wanting to marry you?”

Fenny stopped sketching and looked sideways at Brad. “Yeah,” she said cautiously.

“Well, I think it’s time we stopped skirting around the issue and just did it.”

“Get married?”

“Yeah, here, in Australia.”

“When?”

“If I could organise it…today.”

“Today!” Fenny gasped. “Shit Brad, what about family, friends, the reception…”

“Do you really want your family there?” Brad cut in.

“Good point,” Fenny nodded.

“Gina and Paul can be the witnesses and I’ll organise everything else,” Brad smiled. “So, are you up for it?”

Fenny ran through a mental list of all the bad things that could happen. “Oh what the hell, if you can organise it I’ll marry you.” Brad surprised her by pulling her into an excited kiss. He then pulled away and started singing “we’re getting married” while doing a silly little dance that made Fenny laugh so much she nearly fell on the draining board.


“Hey sleeping beauty, wake up.”

Gina opened one eye and then the other and saw Paul sitting on the bed next to her with a mug of tea in one hand, the other was on her hip.

“What time is it?”

“Time you were getting ready for work.”

Gina sat up and looked at the clock. It was 7am. It was 7am and Paul was awake and had made her a cup of tea. Crap, alien Paul hadn’t been beamed back to his home planet.

“It’s unnatural to see you out of bed at this hour,” Gina mused as she sipped her tea.

“I think it makes a change from all the times you’ve dragged me out of bed.”

“And you don’t need to do nasty things with ice cubes to get me up.”

“I thought about it but I decided to take the gentle approach.”

“We really need to sit down and talk,” Gina sighed.

“Why?”

“The nice, happy thing – it scares me.”

“It scares you,” Paul said dumbfounded. “How?”

“I’m not used to it, I kinda like you when you’re grumpy,” Gina cooed and placed her mug on the bedside table.

“I just think it’s time I grew up a bit, took some responsibility.”

“Hon, no offence, but why start now?”

Paul narrowed his eyes. “I’m offended that you’re not happy that I’m happy.”

“It’s not that I’m not happy, it just freaks me out a bit. Well, a lot.”

“Freaks you out?” Paul huffed, getting to his feet. “I thought this is what you fucking wanted? After all the shit that’s happened with Freya and even everything before that with Greg, she asked me if I loved you and I do, I really do. It hadn’t actually occurred to me before how fucking much, and if that’s not good enough for you then for fuck’s sake, please tell me what is?”

Gina leapt out of bed and wrapped her arms around Paul. “That was just perfect.”

“You deliberately pissed me off, didn’t you?” Paul scorned.

“Worked a treat,” Gina grinned, kissing him gently. “I better get ready for work now,” she added and pulled away. Paul watched as she left the room and a grin spread back across his face.


A couple hours later, Brad swaggered up to Paul’s apartment and knocked on the door. He started whistling Billy Idol’s “White Wedding”‘ as he waited. A few seconds, later Paul appeared doing up his jeans.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Sherwood?”

“I need your help.”

“I’m not into hiding bodies. Anymore,” Paul mused and moved aside to let Brad in.

“Actually, it’s got nothing to do with corpses,” Brad smiled. “Fen and I are getting married.”

Paul looked at Brad curiously. “Seriously?”

“Dead set, mate,” Brad announced in his best Aussie accent.

“Fuck, when?”

“Today.”

“TODAY!”

“If I can organise it, which is why I need your help.”

“Hold on, today as in before midnight? What did you do to Fen? Hold a gun to her head?”

“She said yes, now are you going to help me or not?”

“How can I help you?”

“You’ve done the wedding thing before, and I have next to no idea where to even start.”

Paul crossed his arms and thought for a minute before he started pacing the living room. “You want minimum of fuss right?”

“Yeah,” Brad nodded.

“Well, how do you fancy getting married on the beach at sunset?”

“That’s perfect.”

“And it’s free.” Paul grinned. “It also means we can dress casual, no renting of suits.”

“Brilliant.”

“The hardest part is going to be finding a celebrant,” Paul muttered. “But I’m sure we can find someone to marry you even if it’s a rabbi.”

“What about the reception?” Brad asked.

“Nice dinner at a restaurant,” Paul shrugged. “How many people are invited.”

“Just you and Gina.”

“Aw mate,” Paul smiled, then his eyes went wide. “And I’ll call Genie later, make her take Fen out to get something nice to wear.”

“Good plan,” Brad nodded. “What about rings.”

“I know a great jeweller, gives me discount because I’m famous,” Paul smirked. “Generally, I wouldn’t use it to my advantage, but hell you’re a friend.”

Brad leapt forward and wrapped Paul in a hug. “You are the best friend a man could have.”

“Steady on mate, I’m not a dog,” Paul mused.

“Sorry, I think I’m over excited and slightly nervous.” Brad grinned sheepishly as he let go of Paul.

“Yeah, just wait there. I’ll finish getting dressed and we’ll go,” Paul declared and dashed off into his bedroom.


Gina arrived at work with an added sense of enthusiasm that had been missing from her life recently. It lasted right up until she sauntered into her office and found Freya dabbing her eyes with a handful of pink tissues.

“Good morning,” Gina perked as she dropped her bag onto the floor next to her desk.

“Oh god, sorry Gina,” Freya sniffed. “I just felt everything well up on me and this is where I ended up.” She descended into another flood of tears. Gina let out a small sigh, but even though Freya wasn’t her favorite person, she hadn’t actually done anything to her other than play hide the non-fat, meat-free sausage with Paul. Gina put a comforting hand on Freya’s shoulder and crouched down to talk to her.

“Freya, I know not telling you I was married to Paul was wrong and I really am sorry. I should have ignored him and my own selfish desires and been honest with you.”

Freya looked up from her tissues, a look of surprise on her face. “Yes, you should have. I thought we were friends.”

“I know, what you have to realise now is that you’ve got to move on. Go out and find yourself a new man and forget Paul.”

“You make it sounds so easy,” Freya breathed.

“It can be. You’ve got to eat more chocolate, it eases the pain, believe me.”

Freya clutched the tissues in one hand and got to her feet. Gina stood up as well, concerned by the annoyed look on Freya’s face.

“You’re telling me to get over him? Don’t you think that’s just a little bit contradictory, when it’s quite obvious you couldn’t?” Freya huffed.

Gina narrowed her eyes. So much for being kind and understanding. “If you haven’t noticed Freya, he doesn’t seem to be quite over me either.”

Freya let out another huff. “You’re not good enough for a man like him.”

“Oh, tell me what you really think,” Gina sarced.

“He needs a woman that can keep him in is place.”

“You’re right, and I kept him right between my thighs on the kitchen floor during your little dinner party.”

Freya’s mouth fell open. “It’s just sex, that’s all you are to him, a fuck. We’re not like that, we clicked, and we talked. I don’t know why he’d go back to you, YOU,” she spat, looking at Gina with complete contempt.

A wry smile spread across Gina’s face. “Firstly, he never left me, secondly he loves me, he tells me the moment I wake up, every time I leave the room and the second before I fall asleep, and thirdly, you whiny, naïve, possessive sack of rotting tofu, if you don’t leave my office in the next second I’m going to staple you to the nearest partition and stuff greasy hamburgers down your scrawny, vegetarian throat, while Kimberly the work experience girl tattoos ‘WENCH’ into your pert left buttock – GOT THAT.”

Freya’s eyes went Bambi-like and she fled Gina’s office with tears cascading down her cheeks. Gina closed her eyes and took several deep breaths.

“Touché,” Amanda grinned as she poked her head in and winked.


“That’s way too tight for her,” Brad announced, pointing to the photograph of a gown-clad woman in an old issue of Bride magazine.

“Does nothing for her hips,” Paul agreed.

They’d been waiting in the stark reception area of the third celebrant they’d approached.

“Why do they always have to pick the strapless ones,” Brad sighed, pointing to another photograph.

“Wouldn’t be so bad if she had decent tits,” Paul shrugged.

“Like two aspirin on an ironing board.”

“I don’t mind small breasted women, but I’ve seen bigger ones on a 13 year old.”

“Yeah, you would.”

“Hey!”

“Excuse me are you the gentlemen who are planning a wedding?” piped up a small plump woman in a navy blue dress, her hair a short wavy perm.

“Yeah that’s us,” Brad perked as he got to his feet, dropping the magazine back on the table. Paul leapt up as well.

“I recognise you,” the woman mused, looking at Paul.

“Did we sleep together once?” Paul teased.

The woman laughed and they shook hands. “I’m Barbara by the way.”

“I’m Paul as you know, and that’s Brad,” he nodded and motioned to Brad.

“Lovely. Now I should tell you I usually don’t carry out these type of ceremonies,” Barbara mused.

“You don’t do weddings?” Brad asked.

“Not of this nature, it’s not actually legal here…”

“Legal,” Paul muttered. “NO! Babs, not that kind of…we’re not…I’m already…”

Brad looked at Paul who was flapping about. “What are you on about, pipsqueak?”

“She thinks it’s US getting married,” Paul scorned.

Brad looked at Barbara who looked back confused. “No, nononono, Paul’s just helping me organise. No, we’re not…ha…ahem. No, I’m wanting to marry my fiancée,” he babbled, “as you do. She’s a woman.”

“Oh well then, that should be fine,” Barbara smiled, sounding relieved. “When did you want this to take place?”

“I was hoping today, well this evening.” Brad winced, waiting for another rejection.

Barbara narrowed her eyes. “Well, you’re in luck, we had a cancellation just before. She ran off with her Tae Bo instructor.”

“Bitch,” Paul said without thinking and then got embarrassed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“So you can do it?” Brad gasped.

“I certainly can, in fact I’d be delighted.”

“YES!” Brad and Paul cheered and hugged each other and then Barbara.

“And what about you?” she asked, smiling at Paul.

“Me? I’m already married,” Paul replied.

“Ever thought of renewing your vows, very popular nowadays.”

“Now that would surprise Gina,” Brad perked, nudging Paul.

“Gina,” Paul a grin spread across his face. “Ok, I’ll do it.”

“DOUBLE WEDDING,” Brad declared and wrapped Paul in another hug.


Fenny kicked off her shoes and got herself comfortable on the couch before grabbing half her sandwich to start on. The second the bread reached her lips, Gina came flying into the room.

“What are you doing, get your shoes on we have to go shopping.”

“But I’ve just sat down to eat lunch,” Fenny whined.

“You don’t have time to eat, you’re getting married in a few hours.”

“I’m what?”

“Getting married? You did know about this right?”

“Sort of, I just didn’t think Brad would succeed.”

“Well aren’t you just the eternal optimist.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, I just didn’t think he had a hope in hell of organizing an entire wedding in a day.”

“Well he has and so you need a nice frock,” Gina declared, snatching the sandwich away from Fenny. “Come on.”

Fenny let out a loud sigh and grabbed her sneakers. “Please tell me I don’t have to get some posh dress all taffeta and puffy sleeves?”

“Fen, you’re getting married on the beach at sunset, you won’t even need shoes,” Gina gushed.

“The beach,” Fenny cooed getting to her feet. Gina nodded. “YES!” she squealed and wrapped Gina in a hug. Gina cracked up and hugged her back before Fenny grabbed Gina’s hand and dragged her toward the door. “Come on, I’m getting married I need a dress.”

“You are seriously a nutbar,” Gina mused as they fell out the door giggling.


“It’s not that big a deal, really,” Paul sighed as he leant against the glass casing. Brad had pored over several rings but couldn’t decide.

“There’s nothing that really appeals to me,” Brad shrugged.

“There’s got to be at least one,” Paul scorned as he watched Brad smile.

“That one,” he announced, pointing to understated silver, Celtic style ring with a small diamond that glinted in the light.

“Hey, that’s really pretty, and really different, which is really very Fen,” Paul announced.

“You’ve stopped making sense,” Brad mused.

“Really?” Paul smirked. “Hey and you can get the bloke’s equivalent.”

“I plan to,” Brad nodded. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well if you’re going to renew the vows you should at least get her a new ring.”

“You’re determined to make me spend money, aren’t you?” Paul mused and looked at the rings. He studied them for a long time. “That one,” he smiled pointing to a ring that consisted of a thin sliver band joined by a small heart in the middle. The heart had a tiny diamond outline.

“Fuck, you are serious,” Brad gasped, looking at the price tag.

“It almost matches that necklace I got her in Paris,” Paul shrugged and got a plain band for himself.

“So, where next?” Brad asked as they set about paying for the rings.

“We need something to wear, I imagine,” Paul replied.

“What do you wear for a beach wedding?”

“Well I don’t think the girls would be up for bikinis.”

“Neither would I,” Brad mused.

“I think you’d looked lovely in a two piece.”

“Thanks,” Brad smiled and handed over his credit card.

“You’ve got the man boobs,” Paul sniggered to himself.


“What about this?” Fenny asked, pointing to a long sleeved, dark blue dress.

“No,” Gina cussed. “Think beach, you’re fucking Californian, for Christ’s sake.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Fenny sighed.

“It doesn’t have to be fancy, just…right,” Gina muttered and pored through another rack of dresses. “This one,” she perked and thrust a dress into Fenny’s arms.

“It’s white.”

“You’re getting married.”

“So?”

“Try it on,” Gina demanded.

Fenny let out a huff and disappeared into a cubicle. She pulled off her t-shirt and jeans and pulled on the white dress. It was light and airy and flowed to just above her feet. It had a shirt slit up either side and Fenny couldn’t help but smile; she loved it.

“You got it on?” Gina asked and pulled back the curtain. “Wow.”

“It’s the one,” Fenny announced.

“Definitely,” Gina agreed with a smile. “Hey, you’re ringing,” she added as Fenny reached for her jeans and pulled the curtain back. She pulled her phone from the pocket of her jeans and answered.

“Hello.”

“Hey, soon to be wife of mine,” Brad chirped.

“Hey,” Fenny smiled.

“Gina’s filled you in on everything?”

“Yeah, she’s even found me my dress.”

“Oh, what’s it like?”

“Bradley, I can’t tell you that…sheesh.”

“You’d look gorgeous in a potato sack.”

“I’ll assume that’s a compliment.”

He laughed. “I need you to do me a favour.”

“I’m listening.”

“Paul’s going to surprise Gina, he’s set it up so they can renew their vows.”

“Aw, that will be a surprise.”

“Exactly, so make sure she gets a nice dress, too.”

“It’ll be my pleasure,” Fenny cackled. “Anyway, I better go. I’ll see you tonight.”

“I should hope so, too.”

They giggled as they ended the call and then Fenny shoved her phone back in the pocket of her jeans.

“I take it that was Brad,” Gina teased from the other side of the curtain.

“Of course,” Fenny smirked. “Hey, now we’ve got my dress we’ve got to get you one too.”

“Me? You’re the bride.”

“And I demand as my maid of honour, bridesmaid, and witness that you have a new dress,” Fenny mused, poking her head out of the curtain.

“Fine,” Gina sighed and headed off to search the racks again.


Brad opened the cubicle door and looked at himself in the mirror; the light coloured pants and bright Hawaiian shirt made him laugh. He’d always pictured himself in a suit or top hat when he got married, but for some reason what he had on felt more than right.

“This sure beats a fucking suit,” Paul declared, appearing in much the same as Brad.

“I can’t believe I’m getting married,” Brad announced as they looked in the large wall mirror.

“Yeah, well it’s too late to back out now,” Paul mused as his phone rang, he dashed back into the cubicle to grab it. “Hello, yeah that’s right…yeah, yeah…ah huh…thankyou…eight o’clock, right, cheers.”

“Restaurant?” Brad asked.

“Yep, table for four, booked for eight,” Paul replied with a smile.

“Oh man and to think, last night I was single, sort of,” Brad laughed.

“And I’ve nearly been divorced twice,” Paul perked.

They laughed for a few moments, fell silent and then Paul looked at Brad with a wry smile. “We’ve got a few hours yet, let’s have a mini bachelor party.”

“Yeah,” Brad nodded. “But we can’t get totally smashed.”

“No, I did that the first time,” Paul laughed as they headed back into their cubicles.

“Paul,” Brad announced and peeked over the top of the cubicle.

“Yeah mate,” Paul replied.

“I’m scared.”

“Ah never mind, a few shots of tequila and your nerves will evaporate.”

“A few shots of tequila with you and I’ll be snogging the waitress and doing dick tricks,” Brad jeered.

“Hey, it is a party,” Paul laughed.