“It looks so…” Adele paused as she studied Aidan’s crumpled bicycle in the trunk of her car. “Tortured.”

“Tortured?” Aidan said blankly and looked again. “You make it sound like a sculpture or something.”

“Well it could be,” she shrugged. “Just paint it gold and put up a little plaque next to it describing how it portrays the painful reality of modern transport.”

Aidan pondered a moment. “Y’know, that’d probably work.”

“Of course it would,” she smirked. “I’m a promotional genius.”

“I was gonna say you’re clearly insane,” he mused. “But we can go with genius.”

“I’ll make you walk home and keep the modern art for myself,” she chided as they slid into the front of the car. “I’ll be wealthy and you’ll still be teaching bored housewives and neurotics like Jo.”

“Oh hey,” he chuckled. “The other students don’t compare to Jo, Jo actually has talent.”

“How nice of you to observe,” she mused and looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

“It’s my job as a teacher to…why are you looking at me like that?” Aidan asked, looking vaguely uncomfortable at Adele who was smirking.

“Feigning interest,” Adele chided and refocussed on the road ahead. “So Jo’s your top student then?”

“It’s a toss up between her and Stan,” he replied. “Stan just takes the easel at the back of the room and paints breasts even when we’re using a vase of flowers as a still life.”

“Oh that’s charming,” she giggled. “I have one guy who sends me endless porn manuscripts. The latest was about a guy who was a successful lawyer during the day and a transsexual crime fighter at night. I mean who’s gonna read that?”

“He didn’t write a book called The Banker’s Wife about a woman who turns to sadomasochism to combat the intense boredom of her marriage and to experiment with a bevy of attractive lesbians?”

Adele stopped at a red light and looked blankly at Aidan who looked innocently a moment, and then broke into a cheeky smile. “If I answer that question I may be forced to change my mind about you.”

“You already have an opinion on me?” he gasped mockingly as the lights changed. “Does it involve the word ‘freak’ at all?”

“Actually I was thinking, based on your taste in literature and that jumper, that you’re the kinda guy that hangs around schools and parks with a bag of sweets and a handy cam.”

Aidan looked at Adele offended. “Gee thanks.”

“You asked.”

“I asked if it involved the word freak.”

“Freak, paedophile,” she shrugged. “Same thing.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Want to know what I think of you?”

“Sure,” she perked, pulling the car to a stop outside his block of flats. “Shoot.”

He looked at her a moment, tried to come out with a decent sentence but ended up huffing. “You’re mean.”

“Ouch,” Adele chided. “You’ve bruised my ego now.”

“I need my bike,” Aidan groused as he got out of the car. Adele popped the trunk open and Aidan retrieved his bike before returning to the passenger window. “And don’t think I’m thanking you for the lift.”

“Ok, don’t think I’m paying for your bike repairs,” Adele smiled and watched Aidan flounder.

“Thank you,” he said briskly and turned to leave, before stopping and turning back. “I’ll see you tomorrow at dinner,” he added before trying to storm off but getting tangled in his bike and stumbling into another resident who he was forced to apologise to profusely.

Adele watched the whole scenario giggling. “Oh, I like him.”

Ben strolled into the kitchen where Joaquin had taken refuge from the endless sporting anecdotes, an in-depth discussion on the state of Pamela Anderson’s breasts, and a debate on which Hilton sister would be better in the sack. “So you and Leo are an item, huh?” he asked out of nowhere.

“Are you insane?” Joaquin gasped. “Oh wait, of course you are.”

“Me? You’re the one that’s sat there saying nothing all night or hiding out in here, and do you realise how many bathroom breaks you’ve had?” Ben retorted, opening the fridge to hunt out yet another beer.

“I’m sorry, but I really didn’t have much to add to that fabulous debate about the Hilton sisters,” she scorned. “And why have you been noting my bathroom breaks?”

“You could have suggested something to talk about,” he countered. “I mean, from what Leo told me about your parents, you’ve gotta have some great stories.”

“No,” she spat. “My parents are not to be talked about, thought about, or even have their existence acknowledged.”

“Ok fine,” he groused, looking at her like she was insane. “Continue to be crazy and hide in here,” he added and headed back into the living room.

Joaquin frowned deeply a moment before letting out a groan and making her way back into the living room. She sat uncomfortably in a vacant armchair and realised after a few seconds Leo and Ben were watching her. “Yes?”

“Just remembering what you look like,” Leo chided. “You’ve been in the kitchen 35 minutes.”

Joaquin frowned deeper and then suddenly broke into a smile. “So Ben, what was Leo like at school?”

Ben chuckled and Leo looked mortified. “He was head of the geeks.”

“We weren’t geeks!” Leo wailed, beer splashing from his bottle onto his glasses.

“He was head of the chess, math and science clubs,” Ben continued. “Oh, and he was regularly found trapped in his locker.”

“You locked me in,” Leo whimpered. “I was claustrophobic.”

Joaquin couldn’t help but giggle. “So at what point did you guys become friends?”

“Oh, we grew up together,” Ben perked. “Still, I had to beat him up in high school to look cool in front of my friends. Didn’t want them thinking I was friends with a geek.”

“Oh that’s warm,” Joaquin chided. “But understandable, I wouldn’t have wanted to associate with Leo either.”

“Well gee Jo, why don’t you tell us about your schooldays?” Leo scorned, his ego well and truly battered.

“Nothing much to tell really,” Joaquin shrugged. “Parents sent me to school in a series of tie-dyed items which inadvertently led to me being excluded from activities with the normal children and beaten on a regular basis.”

“You weren’t part of any clubs?” Leo asked as he reached for another handful of corn chips.

“No, none of the other children would go near me,” Joaquin said miserably and looked up at Leo and Ben. “Do you have any idea what is like to open your lunchbox and find tofu and lentils?”

“No,” Leo mused, getting to his feet. “I was just handed a couple of bucks and told to buy my lunch,” he added, scurrying off to the kitchen for another beer.

“Yeah,” Ben nodded surprising Joaquin. “And if I was really lucky an orange.”

“Oh,” Joaquin said surprised.

“For the record, Joaquin,” Ben sighed. “My parents were mental too.”

“How mental?”

“I was forced to wear a caftan to school until I was 14,” Ben stated. “And Leo, despite being a total geek, was the only kid who would talk to me.”

“And me,” she sighed. “So Ben is short for…”

“Benajah,” he breathed, suddenly looking very defeated.

“If it’s any consolation, my middle name is ‘Bliss,’ because apparently that’s how if felt to make me,” she smiled, her heart going out to a surprising kindred spirit.

“Dweezil,” he blankly looking at Joaquin. “They thought it was funny.”

She started to snigger. “Sorry, but Dweezil, seriously?”

He looked at her strangely, smiled and began to laugh as well. “Bliss.”

Leo returned to Joaquin and Ben in tears of laughter and looked at them both oddly. “Did I miss something?” Neither Ben nor Joaquin could stop giggling long enough to answer him.

It was mid-morning the next day when Joaquin finally appeared from her room to find Adele scribbling down a shopping list.

“Don’t forget food for October,” Joaquin yawned as she sunk into a kitchen chair. October being a shaggy white cat they’d found abandoned in October, hence the name.

“Yeah, not about to forget to feed the wildlife, but thank you,” Adele chided. “What time did you get in anyway?”

“Fourish,” Joaquin replied. “We got onto a conversation about The Monkees and lost track of time.”

“So Leo’s mate was ok then?” Adele asked as she set about making Joaquin a cup of tea.

“I’m not sure,” Joaquin shrugged. “I mean, he’s a complete and utter egocentric jock, but he grew up with parents that are insane as mine.”

“Really? Weren’t in the same commune were they?”

“There’s a possibility,” Joaquin nodded. “It was nice having someone who understood, it was like therapy.”

“Perhaps you two should write a self-help guide,” Adele suggested with a laugh. “I can get it published,” she added, plonking the mug of steaming tea down in front of Joaquin.

“No, I’ll keep my memories happily repressed, thank you,” Joaquin chided. “So how was your evening? Did you go shopping?”

“Oh,” Adele perked and beamed at Joaquin. “I nearly killed Aidan.”

“You what?” Joaquin gasped, gagging on her tea.

“Some moronic truck driver swerved in front of me, I slammed on the brakes and poor Aidan went into the back of the car.”

“Was he hurt?”

“No, but his bike was tortured,” Adele laughed. “I offered to pay to get it fixed.”

“How kind of you,” Joaquin breathed, horrified that Aidan could have been roadkill. Images of his favourite green jumper flattened on the road flittered uncomfortably in her psyche.

“Anyway, he has my approval, so all we have to do is get you guys fucking and life will be peachy,” Adele announced as she collected up her bag and car keys.

“Adele!” Joaquin squeaked, her cheeks flushing red. “Aidan is my teacher.”

“Yeah, and?” Adele shrugged as she headed for the door. “Practice acting concerned for when he comes to dinner tonight.”

“Huh?” Joaquin mumbled as she heard the front door open and close. “Oh crap!” she whimpered, remembering that Aidan was going to be there, in her flat within hours.

By the time evening came around, Joaquin was in full panic mode and was torn between attempting a pleasant dinner and hiding under her bed until it was all over. The only thing stopping the latter was that Adele was going to be there and therefore Joaquin wouldn’t have to go it alone.

“How much longer are you going to preen?” Adele demanded, poking her head around the door.

“Until I stop feeling frumpy,” Joaquin replied, looking unhappily at her jeans and purple shirt.

“You don’t look frumpy,” Adele sighed. “You look nice.”

Joaquin looked Adele up and down and sighed. Adele was in a nice pair of flared black pants and a flowy peasant top. She always seemed to look immaculate. “I hate you.”

“What?”


“Sorry, that was supposed to be a thought.”

“Right,” Adele said slowly. “I’m going back to check on the chicken before you attempt to choke me with the drapes.”

Joaquin looked in the mirror again, shook her head and headed out of the room. She’d nearly made it to the kitchen when there was a knock at the door.

“That’ll be our guest,” Adele announced. “Go let him in.”

“I can’t,” Joaquin whispered, stopping at the kitchen door. “What would I say? I’ll babble and he’ll look at me like I’m crazy and then flee.”

“How about ‘hello’ and ‘come in’,” Adele scorned as there was another knock. “Go!”

Joaquin reluctantly made her way over to the door and hesitated a moment before opening it. Aidan flashed her a smile, which in turn caused Joaquin to lose all motor skills. “Ah, hi.”

“Hey Jo,” Aidan perked. “Gonna let me in?”

“What? Oh yes,” Joaquin blushed and quickly moved aside letting Aidan saunter into the room.

“Hey,” Adele declared, appearing from the kitchen. She paused to take in Aidan’s paint spotted jeans, what seemed to be a nice red shirt and customary woollen jumper, this one brown. “You found the place ok?”

“Yeah luckily the bus stop is only around the corner,” Aidan chided and then held out his hands in which was a bottle of wine. “I thought I should bring something, it’s only cheap since I’m poor.”

“Perfectly understandable,” Adele perked. “And hey, at least it’s not cask.”

“I like to think I’m a little more classy,” Aidan chided. “Well, today at least.”

“I’ll pop it in the fridge,” Adele laughed, taking the bottle from him. “Make yourself at home, watch some television or try to get Jo to function again,” she added and disappeared back into the kitchen.

“Sure,” Aidan mused and looked over at Joaquin. “So did you do that drawing near the door?” he asked motioning to a small drawing of October.

Joaquin opened and closed her mouth a few times. “What do you think of Dadaism?” she eventually managed to say weakly as her cheeks burned hotter and redder than ever.