“So I ah, guess I need to sign something?” Adele smiled as she closed the supply cupboard door behind her.

“It’s company policy,” replied the courier as the clipboard in his outstretched hand began to shake rather noticeably.

“Why Jeffrey, you’re not nervous are you?” Adele mused as she gently took the pen that was hanging by a string from the board and signed her name.

“I’m always nervous around you,” he replied as Adele stepped toward him.

“Oh, honey,” she cooed. “I promise it’ll be all over in a couple of seconds,” she added, pushing the furiously perspiring Jeffrey against a shelf of manilla folders.

“Isn’t that a bad thing?” the courier swallowed. “I mean my girlfriend reckons that…”

“Jeff, we’re in a stationary cupboard. And as much as I enjoy our little dalliances, I have no desire to spend the next 15 minutes instigating foreplay,” Adele scorned as she began unbuttoning her shirt. “So just shut up and fuck me, ok?” she scorned, pressing herself against his quivering khaki uniform.

“Yep,” Jeffrey nodded and clumsily fumbled with his fly.

“Ok, I’ll just save this and…” Joaquin let out a relieved breath as she hit the ‘Cmd’ and ‘S’ buttons. Instead of the usual quick save, however, her screen went black and a message appeared declaring she no longer had a hard drive. “Oh holy shit!”

“There’s nothing religious about excrement,” her colleague Leo Truman piped up as he leaned back in his swivel chair to see what had happened. “What did you do?”

“I saved,” Joaquin pouted and then looked feebly at Leo. “I have no back up copy and that book cover was supposed to be finished today,” she whined and dropped her head into her hands.

“Joaquin…”

“It’s Jo, you know we never use that other name, ever!”

“There’s nothing humiliating about being named after a delicate little flower, pumpkin.”

“Leo, my parents are hippies, they wear love beads and listen to Pink Floyd. Not that I’m saying Pink Floyd is bad, they’re not. In fact I’m particularly fond of Dark Side of the Moon, but they not only named me after a flower, they thought, while they were doped up on amphetamines at my birth, that naming me after how it felt to conceive me was a good idea. You try going through life being called Joaquin Bliss and see how you like it.”

“You know, I totally tuned out after Pink Floyd,” Leo chided. “I know your parents were eccentric, you tell me on a daily basis.”

“Eccentric? Have I told you about my birth? Mom didn’t need painkillers because she was already high enough to withstand the pain. In fact, it took her three days to come down and realise she’d given birth to a girl and not a lizard.”

“You need therapy, really you do.”

“I had therapy,” Joaquin sighed. “It started when I was seven and I had to give a note to my teacher that explained I wasn’t allowed to participate in an excursion to the zoo because it would expose me to the vast infringements of the welfare of animals.”

“You should seek more therapy,” Leo nodded. “So aside from your fucked up childhood, what are you going to do about that,” he added, motioning to the computer.

“I’m going to buy a milkshake and hope it fixes itself,” Joaquin sighed miserably, pushing her swivel chair back from her desk and getting to her feet. “If that fails I’ll go hurl myself from the roof.”

“Thatta a girl,” Leo perked. “Think positive.”

“Bye Jeff,” Adele mused as she headed back to her desk, adjusting her clothes as she went.

“My, that was just a beautiful display of women’s liberation,” Joel Chadwick chided as he clapped his hands slowly.

“Oh please,” Adele jeered. “You’re just jealous it wasn’t you.”

“See now I’m crushed,” Joel mocked. “To think you believe I’d sink to your level.”

“What level?”

“Shagging the courier in the stationary cupboard.”

“Jeff and I have a special bond.”

“Del, as much as I adore you, you’re getting a reputation.”

“Well if it’s a choice between a quick boff in the cupboard or a long term monogamous relationship with a bastard, I’ll take the cupboard every time.”

“You’re a little jaded, aren’t you,” he sighed. “Don’t you think it’s time you moved on?”

“I have moved on,” she quipped. “In my own unique way.”

“You’ve become a slut,” he scorned. “That’s not moving on, that’s taking a giant leap back, not just for you but for womankind in general.”

“Thanks for the concern and all Joel, but despite the bitterness, hate and strong desire to kill that I harbour, I’m actually enjoying living dangerously for once.”

“Fine, but don’t come whining to me when you get something nasty in your nether regions,” Joel huffed. “I’m not taking you to the clinic.”

“Oh come on Joel, I’d do it for you,” she mused. “Hey, I did do it for you.”

“Yeah I appreciate you telling that to the entire office,” he winced as Tina from reception walked by.

“Joel, I’ve told you, Tina will never, ever sleep with you,” Adele sighed, trying to refocus on the work at hand. However, the tedium of trying to edit what was the worst manuscript ever to land on her desk had been why she’d ended up in the stationary cupboard in the first place.

“Hey, you never know,” Joel scorned and smiled in Tina’s direction. “Hey Tina…”

“No, you’re a creep,” Tina sighed, dropping a pile of mail on Adele’s desk.

“Told you,” Adele grinned as Joel leaned back sulkily in his chair.

It was early evening before Joaquin Owen returned home to the apartment she shared with Adele Brodie. The living arrangements had come about quite by accident a year ago when Joaquin had come to Australia in a desperate attempt to be as far away from her parents as possible. Adele had been slumped in a café booth downing milkshakes and Joaquin had been reluctantly forced to join her. They’d ended up falling into conversation and she spilled everything about her freaky family while Adele had explained about how she’d just discovered the fiance she’d broken up with three months prior was getting married to a hairdresser called Bindi. Somehow it ended up that Adele needed a flatmate and Joaquin needed a flat, and they’d been driving each other insane ever since.

Joaquin dropped her bag into an armchair on her way through to the kitchen, pausing only to rewind the answering machine tape. She grabbed a glass as the tape finished rewinding and the machine started to play back the messages.

Hi this is Adele and Jo, we’re out earning a crust right now, so leave a message after the beep, and if you’re important enough we’ll get back to you…beep…Delly darling, it’s Felicia, we need to get the final details of the book launch sorted. Call me the second you get in…beep…Bliss, sweetie, it’s Mom! Your father and I are in Phoenix for a seminar on using the naked earth to enhance our sex lives and…

Joaquin let out a strangled yelp and stopped the tape. She didn’t want to know anymore than she already did.

“Jo, you in?” Adele called from the living room. “JO!” she yelled and marched into the kitchen where she saw Joaquin leaning against the sideboard looking distraught. “What’s wrong?”

“My mother left a message,” Joaquin sighed. “I didn’t even know she had this number.”

“What was it this time? Lentil Fest 2004?”

“They’re enhancing their sex lives.”

“Oh dear god.”

“Well at least you can be assured I won’t be needing dinner,” Joaquin breathed as she slumped into a chair. “How was work?”

“Dull,” Adele shrugged as she switched on the kettle. “I had sex with Jeff in the stationary cupboard again.”

“Now I won’t want supper either,” Joaquin groused. “I know you’ve been hurt, but really girl, move on.”

“This from you,” Adele chided. “At least I get something.”

“I’m having a dry spell,” Joaquin pouted.

“Yeah, it’s like El Niño has hit your fun bits,” Adele teased as she set about making tea. “So how was your day?”

“My computer decided to croak at an important moment,” Joaquin sighed, resting her cheek on a clenched fist.

“So what did you do?”

“I got yelled at by my boss,” Joaquin breathed. “A lot.”

“Never mind,” Adele soothed. “You can make up for a shit day by going and drawing naked people for a couple of hours.”

“It’s not life drawing, Del,” Joaquin scorned. “We’re doing still life sketches.”

“So you draw apples instead of testicles,” Adele shrugged. “Oh, and of course there’s Mr Murdoch.”

“Don’t you start,” Joaquin warned. “You’ve never even met Aidan.”

“You’re right,” Adele agreed. “But you so want to sleep with him.”

“No I don’t,” Joaquin retorted, her cheeks flushing red. “He’s just a very good teacher.”

“Maybe I should take up art if he’s that great,” Adele smirked, finally sitting herself across from Joaquin.

“Don’t even think it,” Joaquin scorned. “You’d just get bored and have a quickie with the janitor anyway.”

“Thanks, I’m glad you think so highly of me,” Adele huffed, getting to her feet with her mug of tea. “Do have fun at your class — Joaquin!” she added before marching out of the room.

“I hope my parents get impaled on a cactus,” Joaquin huffed, leaning her chin heavily on both of her clenched fists.