The rattling of the van was soon drowned out by the honking of car horns and growling of frustrated engines.

“Shit,” Paul hissed as the van jerked suddenly.

“We must be in a city,” Fenny shrugged as the van jerked again and she toppled sideways.

“Either that or the van’s now being driven by a chimp,” Paul sighed. “Then again, I suppose that heavy is close enough.”

“I could see him in the deepest jungles of Africa,” she agreed.

“Nah, science experiment, hook electrodes up to his testicles…” The van lurched and Paul’s head painfully met the side of the van. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he spat, clutching his head in his hands.

“You okay?” Fenny gasped, sliding across to him, her hands moving his so she could look.

“Fine, apart from the loss of a few more brain cells,” he scowled.

“You’re not bleeding. You’ve probably lost no more brain cells than you would’ve smoking the hash.”

“Except that’s more fun than having your head pummeled in.”

“Have we stopped?” she asked, noticing the roar of the engine had ceased.

“Dunno,” he mumbled as the weight in the front moved and the doors slammed. Seconds later the back of the van was opened and Don and his heavies stared in.

“Out,” Don ordered.

Fenny and Paul obediently slid out of the van and found themselves in a quiet hotel carpark. Paul’s thumping head forced him to squint against the sudden light and he found himself more than once having to refocus his eyes. A million things went through Fenny’s head and she found herself not daring to meet Don’s eyes.

“Now you listen to me,” Don said in a hushed, yet threatening tone. “We’re staying here for the night. You two will be booked in as a married couple, you will pretend to be a married couple, and if you try and summon help, I will kill you both.”

“Well, that seems perfectly reasonable,” Paul sarced.

Don stepped forward and grabbed Paul’s hair. Paul yelped. “You can cut the fucking smart arse talk as well.” He released Paul hard enough for him to stagger back towards the van. Don then turned to his men. “Get the other car and the rest of the gear. I’ll get our love birds settled in.”

The two heavies replied, “Yes boss,” in unison and disappeared back into the van. Don glared at Fenny and Paul before turning to head toward the entrance of the hotel.

“Come on, honey,” Paul sighed, taking Fenny’s hand and following.

“Well, we lost ’em,” Greg sighed as he took a lap of the same street for the third time.

“This must be the ugliest place I’ve ever been to, and I’ve been to some pretty ugly places,” Brad declared.

“Yeah, well I don’t think Manchester is regarded for many tidy town awards,” Gina cussed. “This is hopeless.”

“Any suggestions, pumpkin?” Greg asked doubtfully.

Gina caught his eye and wished she hadn’t. “Not really. Maybe we should just find somewhere to spend the night and keep trying to get through on the cell phone.”

“Sounds good to me,” Greg agreed. “Bradley?”

“I still think we should look a bit more,” Brad huffed.

“Look where, man?” Gina exclaimed.

Brad crossed his arms sulkily and stared out the window. “THERE!” he suddenly yelled pointing.

“There what?” Gina asked.

“The van, the fucking van,” Brad replied excitedly.

Greg swung the SUV into a U-turn and maneuvered his way through the traffic until they were level with the van. Gina and Brad took sly looks over and surveyed the heavies.

“Don’s gone,” Gina muttered.

“And I bet Fen and Paul are, too,” Brad sighed.

“Fuck,” Gina spat and kicked the glove compartment.

Greg looked over, not sure why he was so surprised at Gina’s reaction. Perhaps, he decided, because it was the first real emotion he’d seen her show. The three friends fell into silence as the lights changed colour.

“There was a hotel we passed earlier, we can stay there tonight,” Greg announced.

Gina nodded and Brad let out a sigh.

After a few hushed words with the young man at the front desk, Don led Fenny and Paul into an elevator. They stood nervously against the back wall, holding hands so tightly their knuckles were white. The doors hissed open and Don marched down a shabby looking, carpeted hallway before stopping outside one of the rooms. He unlocked the door and pushed it open.

“In,” he ordered. Paul and Fenny wearily looked at him as they crossed the threshold. “I’ll be back, don’t try anything stupid,” Don cussed and slammed the door.

Fenny and Paul stood just inside the door, staring at the queen-sized bed before them.

“Well, at least there’s no risk of getting shot in the head for a few hours,” Paul shrugged and let go of Fenny’s hand.

“Oh, well that just fills me with hope,” Fenny sarced as she headed toward a grotty looking bar fridge. She crouched down as she opened the door and started to investigate. It was obviously not frequently stocked: a few tiny milks, several miniatures and a can of Coke.

“Anything worth while in there?” Paul asked as he flopped onto the bed.

“A miniature of whiskey,” Fenny sighed and handed the bottle to Paul, who swallowed the lot in one gulp and handed the empty bottle back to her. “Why are kidnappers so reluctant to feed their victims?” she added as she got back to her feet and joined Paul on the bed.

“I don’t think it’s a top priority, you know. I mean I don’t think Don’s the type of guy to pop to McDonalds for us,” Paul mused.

“Pity,” she breathed.

“Fuck, I wish I had some painkillers,” he hissed as he rubbed his temples.

“I can check the bathroom, you never know.”

“Thanks, but as you can see, I’m not that lucky.”

“What? You haven’t noticed the little cloud of misery over my head recently?”

“I’m surprised you’ve had time to look up between frequent orgasms and blowjobs.”

“Oh, and you’d know, huh?”

Paul looked at her and with total sincerity announced, “There’s something I need to tell you about me and Brad…”

Fenny burst into giggles and slapped Paul’s arm, some of the fear that was gripping her lifting for a few moments.

“I’m sorry sir, we only have two rooms,” announced the receptionist as she looked at Brad, Gina and Greg.

“Well, looks like two of us are sharing,” Gina announced, catching Greg’s eye, “and I don’t think it should be me and Greg, for obvious reasons.”

“I agree,” Greg nodded. “But I’m not sharing with Sherwood, especially after last time.”

“Gee, thanks,” Brad huffed.

“So that means it’s me and Sherwood,” Gina sighed.

Greg had to hold back a snigger, even though he wasn’t sure why as he collected the keys.

“We’ll meet for dinner in 20 minutes,” Brad announced as they piled into the elevator.

“Yeah, this from the man without a wallet,” Greg scorned.

“That’s hardly my fault,” Brad countered.

“If you’d kept an eye on your bag, none of this would have happened, ya dickhead,” Gina spat.

Brad and Greg looked at Gina a bit shocked, but looked away as the doors opened and they stepped out into the hall.

“20 minutes, right,” Greg nodded as he disappeared into his room.

Brad unlocked he and Gina’s hotel room door and they both looked horrified at the bed.

“Do you sleep on the left or the right?” Brad piped up.

“Middle,” Gina huffed.

“Are you going to hate me this entire time?” he sighed.

“I plan too,” she declared as she headed over to the bed and sat on the end.

“I didn’t make this happen you know,” he exclaimed as he joined her sitting on the end of the bed.

“You didn’t help Paul either,” she hissed. “You wanted Fenny saved, you just didn’t want to do any of the hard work, as usual.”

“What do you mean by that?” he spat, getting to his feet and starting to pace.

“You did nothing to stop Ritza? I saved your arse and your relationship, and more than once,” she snapped. “The least you could have done was help Paul.”

“You don’t understand…”

“Yeah I do, you’re weak as piss,” Gina hissed as she stormed into the ensuite.

Fenny slid the cell phone from her pocket and switched it on; it beeped angrily at her.

“We’re in range,” she announced.

“So call,” Paul ordered as he sat up gingerly.

Fenny found Gina’s number and pressed the call button. It took several seconds, then began to ring.

“Hello?”

“Gina.”

“Fen,” she gasped. “Brad, it’s Fen.”

“Are you guys okay?”

“I want to kill Sherwood, but that’s another story. How are you?”

“Intensely traumatized.”

“And Pauly?”

“Paul, oh he’s…” Fenny noted a sudden silence and looked at her phone, it was dead.

“FUCK,” she yelled and lobbed it across the room.

“What happened?” Paul gasped.

“Stupid fucking useless device died,” she spat.

“No, god dammit,” he hissed. “Is Genie okay?”

“She’s fine, but I couldn’t tell her how you were. She’ll kill me.”

Paul looked pained for a moment. “I knew I shouldn’t have left my phone in the hotel room.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Fenny sighed. “Gina’s smart, maybe she’ll have the phone traced or something.”

“You’re not allowed to watch television anymore.”

They both looked in horror as the door flew open and Don appeared. He slammed it shut behind him and stalked over to the bed.

“Get up,” he ordered, glaring at Paul.

“It’s all orders with you, isn’t it?” Paul sighed as he got to his feet.

“Get in the bathroom.”

“What?”

“You fucking heard.”

“What if I choose not to?”

Don pulled out his gun. “You taste lead.”

“I’m taking it we’re not talking pencils,” Paul swallowed as he reluctantly headed toward the bathroom. He stopped in the doorway. “Did you want me to have a bath or something?” Don marched over, thrust Paul into the bathroom and slammed the door. He jammed a chair under the handle so Paul couldn’t escape.

Fenny looked at Don wide eyed. She had a feeling she knew what he was going to do and there was nothing she could do to stop him. Don stalked back over to the bed and smiled wickedly at Fenny.

“Now, it’s just me and you,” he announced.

“And Paul in the bathroom,” Fenny added.

Don’s smile dropped and slid a hand onto Fenny’s cheek, and then under her hair and pulled her to him. Fenny tried not to gag at the smell of alcohol on his breath as he pressed his lips against hers. She pursed her lips together, but he soon forced them apart and tried to stick his tongue down her throat, making her gag. Don’s hands began to grope her body, working their way under her shirt. Fenny let out a scream.

“Get off me you bastard,” Fenny shrieked as Don threw her back onto the bed and climbed on top of her. Fenny continued to scream.

Paul was starting to go out of his mind. He knew what was happening and he was trapped in a fucking hideous-looking pink bathroom. He began looking around for something he could do, trying to rip the towel rail off, and kicking the door. He stopped to listen to the kick echo around the room. A grin spread across his face and he began to yell at the top of his lungs and kick, hit and throw things to make as much noise as he possibly could.

“I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING YOU INSOLENT FUCKER AND I CAN TELL YOU NOW, YOUR TWEEZER DICK COULDN’T PENETRATE A KITTEN. YOU’LL GIVE THE POOR WOMAN LESS SEXUAL THRILL THAN AN IMPOTENT OCTAGENARIAN. IN FACT, SHE’LL PROBABLY FALL ASLEEP AS YOUR MINUTE MEMBER DOESN’T EVEN TOUCH THE SIDES.”

Don leapt off the bed and yelled at the bathroom door. “SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I’LL KILL YOU.”

“RATHER DEAD THAN PORKED BY YOU.”

Don gave the door the finger and turned back to Fenny. He started to undo his pants as Paul started singing as loud as he could.

“THE PENIS, THE PENIS, IT DOESN’T TAKE A GENIUS, A PUAPER OR A KING WILL REALISE… IT ALWAYS COMES BACK DOWN TO SIZE.”

Don stopped undoing his pants and glanced back at the bathroom.

“YOU ASK ME HOW IT’S HANGING, IT’S STRANGLING, IT’S DANGLING, IT’S CUTTING OFF THE BLOOD SUPPLY – IT DON’T FEEL GOOD. BUT TOMORROW EVENING, PERHAPS WHEN I’M LEAVING, I’M GOING TO CRACK THE TOP OFF AFTER I GET WOOD!”

Fenny found herself trying hard not to giggle as Don approached the bathroom, looking nothing short of bewildered.

“THE PENIS, THE PENIS IT DOESN’T TAKE A GENIUS, THE POET AND THE PERVERT EMPATHISE…IT ALWAYS COMES BACK DOWN TO SIZE.”

“What the fuck is he playing at?” Don hissed, reaching for the door handle.

“BUT WHEN YOUR MALE TAIL’S AS BIG AS A WHALE’S, THERE’LL BE SOME COMPLICATIONS – HEAVEN KNOWS AND YOU’LL LOOK PRETTY SILLY WHEN YOU FREE WILLY AND SHOUTING OUT ALL HANDS ON DECK AND…”

Don un-jammed the door, pulled it open, and Paul came tumbling out.

“THAR SHE BLOWS!” he yelled.

Don grabbed him by the scruff, but Paul continued.

“WHY WASTE OUR LIVES WITH FIGHTING, WITH HATE AND WARS AND DYING WHEN WE CAN MASTERBATE.”

“SHUT UP,” Don screamed.

“You leave her alone and I will,” Paul snapped.

Don glared and him and then let go. “I wouldn’t fuck her anyway,” he muttered and stormed from the room. Paul couldn’t help but smile wryly as he watched Don leave; he then hurried over to Fenny.

“Are you ok?”

“Just,” Fenny breathed and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you for the ten millionth time.”

“I told you I’d keep him away for you, and hey, I didn’t get hurt this time,” Paul mused and rubbed her back.

“Charming song, by the way.”

“I’ll teach it to you. I figure we’ll be spending a lot of time together.”

“You coming for dinner?” Brad asked, looking and Gina’s depressed form slumped on the bed.

“I’m not hungry,” Gina replied.

“You sure? You can just have a sandwich or something?”

“Just go away,” Gina sighed and turned away from him.

Brad shrugged and headed out of the room, where he met Greg in the hallway.

“Where’s Gina?” he asked.

“Fen called, I think her phone died before she could tell us how Paul was,” Brad replied solemnly.

“So Fen’s ok? Did she say where they were?”

“No, there wasn’t time before the phone stopped.”

“Fucking hell,” Greg spat. “Go and order, I’ll be down in a minute.”

Brad looked at Greg warily. “I hope you know what you’re doing”

“Grow up,” Greg cussed and pushed past Brad into the hotel room.

“I told you to fuck off,” Gina spat.

“No you told Sherwood to fuck off, and that’s quite understandable.”

“Greg,” Gina gasped, sitting up.

“He told me what happened.”

“Sorry, I’m just getting worked up…Which so isn’t like me.”

“I think it’s cool,” he smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Becoming Fen is cool?”

“You’d make it cool,” he chided. “Let’s forget what happened in the basement, call it a slip up in a desperate situation.”

“But you said…”

“Forget it, okay?”

“And you…”

“It doesn’t matter, you’re turning into an emotional cripple because of Paul, not me.”

Gina looked at her fingers and played with her wedding ring anxiously. “I just hope he’s okay.”

“This is Paul, the guy who smacks his head against things because he can,” Greg soothed.

“True, and I’ve been pistol whipped several times and I’m okay,” Gina shrugged.

“That’s my girl,” Greg perked. “Now, come to dinner so we can plot how to deal with the psychos. I mean, you are the one who tackled Ritza and almost shot her.”

“It was stupid and I was living off adrenaline.”

“More than me or Brad did.”

She cocked her head to the side. “How do you always manage to do it?”

“Do what?” he asked, getting to his feet.

“Restore my faith in myself,” Gina replied as she shuffled over the bed and got to her feet near Greg.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said innocently.

“Thanks,” she smiled. He pulled her into a hug and they stood there for a few moments before he pulled away.

“Come on, we better find out what Sherwood has ordered,” he sighed.

Greg and Gina found Brad at a table that was mostly hidden behind a potted plant.

“What’s with the obscurity, Sherwood?” Greg asked.

“I don’t know, made me think of a gangster movie,” Brad shrugged.

“Did you order?” Gina asked.

“No, for fear of being abused,” Brad scorned. “That and the waitress is ignoring me.”

“She probably can’t see you behind the potted plat,” Greg sighed.

Brad sneered at Greg. “So, anyone got any bright ideas on how to save Fen and Paul?”

“Nothing brilliant, but I could get the call traced,” Gina shrugged.

“See, this is why we need you. As men were are incapable of decent thought processes,” Greg enthused.

“So I’ve noticed,” Gina teased.

“I think we need to be armed in some way,” Brad piped up.

“Armed? Are you crazy?” Greg gasped. “We couldn’t wield weapons any more convincingly than Harrison Ford.”

“She can,” Brad declared, motioning to Gina.

“You guys are obsessed. This is just some weird sexual fetish about chicks with guns, isn’t it?” Gina declared.

Greg buried his face in the wine list and Brad attempted to get the attention of the waitress again.

“I wish I had some mouth wash,” Fenny groaned as she returned from the bathroom after washing her mouth out.

“He actually kissed you?” Paul gasped.

“Yep, stuck his tongue in,” Fenny nodded.

“Oh man, that’s off,” he cringed.

“Yes, well it wasn’t the most enjoyable experience of my life having him fondle me,” she cussed, falling onto the bed beside Paul.

“Yeah, well he didn’t get any further and that’s all that matters.”

“I was so scared,” she mumbled.

“Me too, I don’t know if I could have lived with myself if I’d just let it happen. I just kept thinking that it could have been Genie.”

Fenny rolled over and rested her head on the pillow near Paul’s. “Nah, Gina would have slammed her size seven in his face.”

Paul’s face broke into a smile. “Whatever happens, we can’t let our guard down, right?”

“Right. That’s providing we don’t die of malnutrition and sleep deprivation first,” Fenny agreed.

“Maybe I should do a rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar until Don the dick fighter gets us McDonalds,” Paul perked.

“Somehow I thought we should just be grateful we should be rid of him ’til morning,” Fenny sighed.

“Spoilsport,” Paul yawned, “I’ll do it at 6am tomorrow then.”

“You do and I’ll hurt you,” Fenny sniggered, before they fell silent and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.