“You bastards,” Greg growled as Paul led Gina and Fenny backstage after his performance, but the twinkle in his eyes showed how thrilled he was to see the gang together. “I have to hurt you now, I promised the audience.”

“When’s the last time you didn’t lie to an audience,” Paul countered.

“Shut up, McDermott,” Greg said carefully. “Hey look, I was just about to head to the bar across the street, it’s quieter there, we could catch up?”

“Let’s go,” Gina chirped, and they made their way through the cramped and crowded corridor to tumble out into the freezing alleyway, heading for the bar.

“So, Proops, I hear you’re back with the wife?” Paul asked, just a hint of a threatening tone in his voice.

“Yup,” Greg nodded. “Dragging ourselves to counseling, we’re happier than we’ve been in ages. And yes, I know what you’re getting at, I’ve been absolutely faithful to her since you two left the States, and I plan to stay that way. Less complicated, makes me feel better.”

“Good to hear you’ve got a soul after all,” Paul mused as he opened the door to the bar and everyone gratefully slipped inside.

“It’s good to see you and Gina together again, she’s been missing you like crazy,” Greg announced.

“I have not,” Gina protested weakly.

“You’re all she’d talk about,” Greg smiled. “You here to whisk away your woman, or because of E-burgh?”

“A little of both,” Paul shrugged, smiling at Gina as she sat a bit closer to him in the booth.

“What about you, Fen,” Greg asked, turning to face her as she fidgeted next to him. “I never would’ve expected to see you here with these two goofs.”

“Well,” she shrugged, “I ran into Paul at the beach, he said I could come with him to England, how could I refuse?”

“She’s having problems with Braddles,” Gina announced.

“Ooh, there’s a shocker,” Greg snickered.

“Yes, thanks for that,” Fenny grumbled.

“I think it’s my duty to tell you that he’s been miserable since you left,” Greg said softly.

“I don’t care,” Fenny announced defiantly. “Let’s talk about something else, shall we?”

“Like what?” Gina asked. “I happen to enjoy discussing your shortcomings.”

“You would,” Fenny grumbled.

“When’re you headed to Edinburgh?” Greg asked.

“Couple days,” Paul shrugged.

“Hey, we could all go together, on the train!” Gina chimed. “You up for it Fen? It’d be a hoot!”

“The four of us on a train together?” Fenny asked, incredulous and giggling. “How could I pass something like that up?”

“It’s a deal then,” Paul nodded. “Let us wreak havoc on Scotland.”

Fenny lay curled up on Gina’s futon, trying to convince her body to sleep. The fact that there were rather distinct giggles coming from the bedroom did little to aid in her endeavor. She clicked on the television to drown out the happy couple, who she suddenly despised for being so damn happy. Hell, even Greg was happy in his marriage, only serving to prove that Fenny really was a fuck up as far as relationships were concerned. But those days were long behind her, she told herself. She wouldn’t think about Brad anymore, he wasn’t worth the effort. There would be no more thinking of his warm laugh, that twinkle in his eyes when he leaned down to kiss her, the way their legs would tangle together as they snuggled in bed…

No, that was all going to have to stop. She closed her eyes firmly, reminding herself that she had turned a new leaf and that she was here in London to enjoy herself. She distracted herself by making a list of all the places and things she wanted to see while in town.

“Paul?”

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing?”

“Getting undressed.”

“Why is it taking you five minutes to take off your pants?”

“The suspense is killing you, isn’t it?” he grinned, not turning to face her.

“That’s not the issue at hand. Why can’t you get your pants off?”

“The zip’s stuck,” he whined.

She chuckled at him as she rolled off the bed to help him get his pants unzipped. “You’re so helpless,” she grinned. “How did you get along without me for so long?”

“I didn’t want to,” he pouted. “I barely managed.”

“How’d you get your pants off?” she asked, investigating the problem. His t-shirt had gotten caught between the teeth of the zipper, god knows how.

“I managed.”

“Oh yes, the bimbette.”

“Gina, please,” he whined, obviously not in the mood for an argument, not when she had such quick and easy access to his groin.

“I know, it shouldn’t bother me,” she said, pulling at his zipper. “What with Greg and all.”

“It was the only time I ever cheated on you,” Paul said softly, “the only time I ever will.”

“I know,” she nodded. “I won’t bring it up again.” Gina put her hand down the waistband of Paul’s pants, tugging at the material lodged in his fly.

“You keep that up and you certainly will,” he gasped.

Smiling, Gina gave the zipper one more harsh tug and it gave. She teasingly pulled his pants halfway down his thighs, pausing to regard the exposed bits of flesh. “I’ll never cheat on you again either,” she smiled and stood up. “Now come to bed,” she commanded with a pat on his rear.

“Yes ma’am,” he smiled, quickly stripping to his underwear and crawling under the covers to snuggle with Gina. Paul yawned. It was wonderful to have Gina in his arms again, nothing could spoil the moment. Until the television clicked on in the next room. They let out matching sighs.

“Why can’t Fen and Brad be more like us?” Gina asked.

“You want another pair of demented lunatics let loose to terrorize the earth?”

“You don’t think they’re demented enough already?”

“True,” Paul shrugged.

“I’m saying they can’t seem to work through their problems. Hell, I practically ran away from home and you did the horizontal tango with the human equivalent of a blowup doll, and here we are snuggled in bed together. Brad is pining for Fen and Fen is sleeping in my front room because they’re too afraid or too proud or too stupid to work through their problems.”

“They’re not for us to worry about,” Paul said, pulling Gina closer against him, wishing he wasn’t so tired and jetlagged.

“We should take her out tomorrow,” Gina announced.

“I wanted to spend tomorrow with you,” Paul whined, kissing her shoulder to drive his point home.

“We’ll take Fen to some museums, tourist traps, let her get sucked in, we’ll have plenty of time to ourselves,” she smiled.

“You’re too good a friend for our own good,” he mumbled. “What about work?”

“I’ve got sick days coming to me,” she shrugged. “We’ll make it work. Hey, I could pretend Fen’s some big shot American movie producer or something and claim that her bodyguard tossed out my notes when I offended her by messing up her poodle’s perm.”

“I think you need to get some sleep,” Paul breathed into Gina’s hair.

“Good plan,” she sighed.

Fenny could do nothing but stare, dumbstruck. Certainly the other exhibits had been fascinating but this, this was the pinnacle. The ancient marble statues rescued, or was it stolen, from the Parthenon, carved from brilliant white stone thousands of years ago, and she was so close she could have touched them, had she been in the mood to be tackled by the burly security guard in the corner. What always astounded her about the Greek sculptures was that even though they had long since been stripped of paint and gilding, most chipped and missing noses, limbs, even heads, the deterioration of time had somehow made them even more beautiful.

She managed to wrench her eyes from what had once been part of a pediment to see Gina’s and Paul’s reactions. Her face fell when she found them, a few feet behind her, trading delicate kisses and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes.

How could they not care that they were surrounded by breathtaking beauty? On top of that, how could they be so happily slobbering over each other when Fenny was lonely and miserable. It hardly seemed fair.

“Did you guys know the Parthenon is being restored for the upcoming Olympics?”

Gina and Paul jumped at the sound of her voice, and gently released each other as she glared at them. “Yeah, the Elgins,” Paul nodded.

“Fascinating,” Gina agreed, pausing to read one of the placards. She slipped her hand into Paul’s, both wondering how long it would take Fenny to get lost in another piece of art so they could continue their unfinished business.

Paul squeezed Gina’s hand, leading her further up the hallway. Once Fenny was out of sight, they collapsed into hushed giggles until they tentatively fell into an impassioned embrace. Granted, the Tower of London wasn’t the most romantic of settings, hardly conducive to lewd thoughts, but they made due. Fenny had, after all, interrupted them three times at the British Museum, twice at each of the two smaller galleries they’d visited, halfway through the changing of the guards, even on the top level of the bus, always regurgitating some inane fact. “Did you know that Dionysus was the Greek god of both wine and fertility? Ironic, isn’t it.” It was getting increasingly frustrating, and Paul didn’t think he could handle another bit of “enlightenment” from her. They both knew why Fenny was doing it, she felt left out and lonely, she didn’t want to be reminded of her own misery, but really, tough shit, Paul thought, she got herself into these messes, why should he have to suffer because of it?

“Did you know that if the ravens fly away from the tower, it’ll collapse?” Fenny announced, causing Gina and Paul to nearly jump out of their skin.

“Did you know American tourists are the most frequently killed?” Paul groused.

Fenny sneered at them and continued forward. “You lure her out, I’ll push her into the river,” Gina suggested.

“We should just leave her here,” Paul suggested.

“That’s a bit cruel.”

“And?”

“I love it,” she grinned and, arm in arm, they headed out.

Fenny turned, new factoid in mind, expecting to see Gina and Paul lip locked, and was shocked to see they were nowhere in sight. She checked the dark corners of the room, and started backtracking where they had already been. Surely they wouldn’t have just left her, would they? Alright, she had been annoying as all hell, but still…. She was beginning to panic, although she was a grown woman and could certainly find her way home if need be, but that was beside the point. She had been abandoned.

Fenny turned a corner and was overwhelmingly relieved to see Gina and Paul huddled in a doorway, phone to Gina’s ear. “Guys,” Fenny yelped. “What was that all about?”

Gina waved a hand at Fenny to be quiet, then continued to address her phone. “It’d really mean a lot to me. We’re on our way home right now, it won’t be long. I’ll send her along with her pacifier and bib, in case you want to feed her. What’s the standard rate for babysitters these days? Six dollars an hour? What’s that in pounds? I don’t know either. Alright, see you in a while. Thanks Greg.”

“What was that?” Fenny asked, now more curious about the call than being abandoned.

“I just called Greg,” Gina announced, “he’s agreed to take you out for the evening.”

Fenny frowned. “Passing the buck, huh?”

“Hot potato,” Paul announced, complete with a charming mime of trying not to drop a scalding object.

“I love you too,” Fenny scorned.

“Well you’re obviously not having any fun with us,” Gina snapped. “And we’re not having much fun with you either.”

“Fine,” Fenny grumbled. “I’m sorry,” she added. “I’m such a terrible human being.”

“There she goes feeling sorry for herself again,” Gina mused.

“We’ll forgive you if you just let us fuck like bunnies,” Paul announced.

“Shhh,” one of the security guards hissed.

“Deal,” Fenny whispered, “so long as I don’t have to witness it.”

“Which is why you’re going out with Greg,” Gina nodded. “Now let’s get home. Quick.”

“What did you do to get Gina and Paul so upset with you?” Greg asked as Fenny slipped despondently into the taxi.

“I’m overenthusiastic I think. Only one who’s never been to London.” Greg raised his eyebrows expectantly at her, and she frowned at him. “Ok, maybe I ruined the mood for ‘em, the randy little buggers. I don’t want to have to watch them put their tongues down each other’s throats.”

“Perfectly understandable,” Greg nodded sympathetically. “So, what do you want to do, me and you let loose on London?”

“What’s there to do? Something not so touristy.”

“Hey, you wanted to see the Comedy Store, didn’t you?” Greg smiled.

“Yes!” Fenny cheered.

“Comedy Store it is then,” he said, patting the driver’s seat to add emphasis. “We’ll probably get there just in time for the show. It’ll be good to see some of the guys again. Wonder who’s playing…”

“It’s good to be away from the brat,” Paul sighed, sinking to the bed and pulling Gina down with him.

“Remind me again why you’re friends with her?” Gina asked, reaching down to undo the top button of his shirt.

“Me, I thought Fenny was your friend,” Paul countered, kissing her neck.

“You’re the one who invited her.”

“You make a decent point. It was a bad idea probably. I should be punished.”

“Yes, yes you should,” she nodded, and grinned wickedly before pulling him in for a heated kiss. “I wonder where I put my whip…”

“It can wait,” Paul gasped, pulling her back into his arms.

“Wow,” Fenny breathed as the performers sauntered off stage. It had been a spectacular show, everything she would have dreamed it to be. Lee Simpson, Stephen Frost, Jim Sweeny, and, be still her heart, Tony Slattery. There were so many new games that she had never encountered, “the Die Game” and “Epic,” although she had to admit her favorite was “Freeze Tag.” It was probably the fact that Tony spent half the game either on his hands and knees or face down on the floor.

She was still smiling to herself when the lights came up and Greg turned to face her. “Did you like the show?” he asked.

“I loved it. Can I move to England?”

“I wouldn’t stop you,” Greg shrugged. “Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

“Huh?” Fenny gasped.

“The guys, the first time I met you, you told me you wanted to meet Tony Slattery.”

“No, you told me I should meet him.”

“Yeah, and he’s right over there, let’s go.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but no words came out, and she was dragged to a small table where Tony sat chatting with a young woman, an autograph hound who quickly skittered nervously away.

“Greg!” Tony cried, spotting them.

“Tony!” Greg mimicked, wrapping the shorter man up in a hug. “Long time no see.”

“Too long,” Tony nodded. “Let me guess, here for the Fringe?”

“Of course,” Greg grinned.

“And who’s this?” Tony asked, turning to Fenny, who had flushed and was trying desperately not to look foolish and failing miserably as she stood half behind Greg in a vague attempt to hide.

“This is my friend Fenny, she’s a huge fan of yours and she would do anything to sleep with you.”

“Greg,” she snapped, feeling her ears go pink. “I said no such thing,” she whispered.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true,” he smirked.

“It’s nice to meet you Fenny,” Tony said, shaking her hand politely. “Don’t worry, I’ve long since learned to ignore Proops, though I can’t say the feeling wouldn’t be a bit mutual.”

She nodded, half collapsing into the chair Tony gestured to as he and Greg sat down and chatted a few minutes about Greg’s upcoming shows, not that Fenny heard any of it. For the first time since her first movie photo shoot, she was star struck.

“What is it you do, Fenny?” Tony asked.

“Oh, I’m in graphic design, freelancing at the moment,” she mumbled.

“Fen used to be an improver,” Greg perked.

“Used to be?” Tony echoed.

“Yeah, I gave it up,” she shrugged.

“Why would you do that?”

She smiled sardonically. “I gave up my life for a man I shouldn’t have.”

Tony regarded her carefully. “You shouldn’t give your life up for any man,” he said. “Nobody should be allowed to take you away from who you are.”

“You are a very wise person,” Fenny nodded, smiling at him.

“I do what I can,” Tony shrugged.

“You shouldn’t tell her things like that, man,” Greg grumbled, “’cause she’s gonna listen to you. And it’s Brad Sherwood she’s trying to get over, and he’s fucked without her.”

“Brad from Whose Line?” Tony gasped.

Fenny nodded unhappily. “Don’t ask,” she moaned. “Long story short—”

“Don’t do it, Fen,” Greg growled.

“What? Oh,” she giggled. “I wasn’t gonna tell him we slept together. Ow!” she yelped, clutching the foot Greg had just stomped on. “You told him I wanted to sleep with him, turnabout’s fair play.”

“Yeah, but I was teasing.”

“And I wasn’t,” she smirked. “Shit, stop kicking me!”

“Damn it! Ow, fuck!” Greg yelped, and Fenny and Tony looked at each other, both realizing they’d kicked him at the same time. “What was that for?” he demanded of Tony.

“It’s not nice to injure a lady,” he said.

“It’s not a lady, it’s Fenny. Ow!”

“You two are quite the pair,” Tony chuckled as he watched Greg lean down to rub his shin.

“Which is why were not allowed to hang out together very often,” Fenny smiled. “So, Brad and I have ruined each other’s lives on several occasions, with help from Proopdog over there, and it’s not worth the effort and the pain to try it again.”

“But they both want each other so bad they can taste it.”

Fenny looked at Tony expectantly, tensely. Five minutes ago she was in awe of this man, now she was hoping for helpful advice from a new angle on a very old problem.

“Do what makes you feel good in your heart,” Tony said sincerely.

“I don’t know what it feels anymore,” Fenny shrugged, and let her eyes fall to the tabletop.

“Is it that you don’t know or you don’t want to admit it?” Tony countered. She scowled at the ashtray.

“Okay, enough of Fen’s shitty emotional problems,” Greg grumbled.

“Good theory,” Fenny agreed.

“So, any new plans that might involve the States?” Greg asked Tony.

Fenny floated into the apartment as Gina answered the door looking pleasantly disheveled and dressed in rumpled pajamas. Gina paused to glance down the hallway, grateful that Greg was nowhere to be seen. “You look like you had fun.”

“I met Tony Slattery,” Fenny breathed.

“I fucked Paul McDermott,” Gina grinned proudly.

“Thanks for the enthusiasm.”

“Ok, I’m happy you met Tony Slattery, it gave me a chance to fuck Paul McDermott.”

“We’re not friends anymore,” Fenny announced, and slipped into the bathroom to get ready for bed.