“Look, after last night I’m not sure you deserve food,” Fenny scorned as Crosby leapt onto the counter and shoved a large paw into his dish. “I mean what came out of you was disgusting,” she added, spooning the fishy-smelling cat food into his dish. Grabbing both the cat and his food, she placed them on the floor as Lilly appeared, yawning. “Morning kiddo.”

“Nash just sat on my head,” Lilly mused, running her fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Me too,” Fenny nodded. “I didn’t need that level of psychological trauma.”

Lilly bit her lip and looked at her feet. “I didn’t really like Chris that much anyway.”

“Could’ve been worse.”

“How could that have possibly been worse?”

“You could’ve been the poor girl on the porch blowing some non-verbal dude.”

Lilly snorted with laughter. “My mother would die if she knew that!”

“So would your father,” Fenny smiled. “Let’s never mention it again.”

“Deal,” Lilly smirked and they high-fived.

“So I called the doctor first thing and made an appointment because we still need to deal with the birth control thing, okay?”

“Okay.”

“But first, breakfast,” Fenny enthused as she went to open the fridge just a rather loud voice called out.

“Fenny, Fenny are you home?” The voice was followed into the room by an older woman with unmoving short hair, a rather loud floral shirt and khaki shorts. She was carrying a large calico tote bag. “There you are dear.”

“Hi Barbara.” She sighed loudly because she hated Barbara, who had decided that they should be best friends when Fenny moved in. Barbara was one of those people who moved to an area and was so irritating she became involved in everything from the local county fair, to the church flowers, book club, visiting sick residents in hospital, and apparently stalking anyone new that moved into the area. “What brings you here?”

“Well I was just passing,” she began and then noticed Lilly. “Ooh.”

“This is my stepdaughter Lilly,” Fenny breathed, trying her best to quell the need to punch the nosey cow in the throat. No doubt it’d be all around town in a couple of hours,

“Hey.” Lilly raised an eyebrow.

“Anyway, I was just passing and I’d mentioned to Carol – you know Carol from the local store? Married to Jerry from the gun store? Anyway, I was talking to Carol and she was saying how we really hate to see you all alone here while Mr Famous is away, and that we should get you involved in the community more, and then Norma suggested that maybe because you do your art thing that you could perhaps run some community art classes in the library once a week.”

“Well I could certainly think about it.” Fenny did her best to smile and glanced at Lilly who mouthed. “Never.”

“Of course, you have a think and then I’ll let James from the library know when you’re ready to start,” she smiled and then beamed. “Now I’ve also come baring gifts.” She motioned to the bag and started pulling out several jars of preserves, two large zucchinis and a mysterious cake.

“I don’t know what to say,” Fenny shook her head.

“No need for thankyous dear,” Barbara declared and gave Fenny’s arm a squeeze. “I’d better be off, I’ve got to take old Bill to his appointment.”

Both Fenny and Lilly managed a weak wave at Barbara as she left and then both glanced at the table.

“We don’t actually have to eat any of that, do we?” Lilly asked, moving forward to take a closer look at the mysterious preserves.

“God no,” Fenny wrinkled her nose. “Last time she brought me six months worth of chili. I had to bury it in the desert.”

“One time when Dad took me on tour, a weird old man gave me a cigar,” Lilly declared. “It was lit, too.”

“When did your dad find out?”

“Oh, I had it a good half hour.”

“Wow, we’ve all done a bang up job of bringing you up,” Fenny gasped as she grabbed the bin and began dropping Barbara’s gifts into it. “No wonder I’m having to rescue you from hipsters.”

“Oh my god, let it go,” Lilly laughed as she opened the fridge. “What are we having for breakfast, Fenny-Mom?”

“Bacon sandwiches and chocolate milk,” Fenny replied as she closed the bin and slid it back into its place. “Unless you’re still vegan?”

“Nah, I’m up for it,” Lilly smiled, grabbing the bacon from the fridge.

“All the colours represent your different chakras,” Moonstar enthused as a young woman in a long bohemian skirt looked in awe at the bracelet. “It’ll keep you balanced.”

“He left me Troy!” Gina declared, clutching the mongoose and marching through Moonstar’s new age jewellery shop and into the backroom.

“See, her chakras are all wrong,” Moonstar smiled as the young woman reached for her purse. She waited until the woman had left before she found Gina slumped in a cane chair looking catatonic. “Care to elaborate?”

Gina held out Troy. “He left a note too,” she added and passed the envelope to Moonstar.

“Oh that is so sweet in a twisted kind of way,” she smiled and handed it back. “Does it matter that he’s left you with Troy?”

“It’s all part of his devilish plan to make me go back to Sydney.”

“Because he cares for you.”

“Only for his own sexual gratification.”

“And you never use him for your womanly needs?”

“I’m very happy here,” Gina pouted. “I do not miss the city or my stupid job.”

Moonstar shook her head as they were interrupted by a rather strapping young man in a pair of jeans rolled up at the ankles and a half-buttoned cotton shirt.

“Mum, do you know where my surfboard is?”

“Have you checked the shed?”

“Why would it be in the shed?”

“It’s a surfboard.”

The young man shrugged, put his earphones back in and disappeared back out the shop.

“Who the fuck was that?” Gina gasped, stretching to see the boy leave.

“Mica, my eldest,” Moonstar replied as she began poking through a box of crystals.

“He doesn’t look like one of yours.”

“He lives with his dad in the city.”

“Ooh is he lawyer guy’s kid?”

“Yes,” Moonstar mused. The story went, as Moonstar told it, that she had been arrested for protesting a potential mine, and when she had sought a lawyer it happened to be a very young and handsome lawyer, and not only did he help her avoid a criminal record, he also spent two weeks locked in a hotel room with her and she fell pregnant. They were interrupted by the tinkle of the shop bell. “Right, take this,” she declared and thrust a pink crystal into Gina’s hands.

“What will this do?” Gina asked, poking Troy’s nose with it.

“Fuck knows,” Moonstar shrugged. “But I’m hoping it’ll encourage you to go home and have a good think about what is really important to you. You have to stop running at some point.” She turned and headed back into the shop.

“No I don’t,” Gina frowned, slipping the crystal into Troy’s paws. “Look Troy, magic rock!”

The air conditioning rattled overhead as Fenny and Lilly sat in the doctor’s waiting room. They were joined by an older man who seemed to be coughing up an endless stream of mucus, and a young woman who nervously tapped her foot.

“Seriously, I think Ariana has been married, divorced, pregnant and dead, and I’ve only looked at three magazines,” Lilly declared, slapping the well-read magazine onto a nearby table.

“Lilly Sherwood,” the doctor called from her door and smiled warmly as Fenny and Lilly entered her office and took a seat. “How can I help you today.”

“My stepdaughter is sexually active and needs to start birth control before her father finds out,” Fenny declared as Lilly winced.

“Okay,” the doctor nodded and began tapping away at her keyboard. “I better get a few details to begin with.” She glanced over at Lilly. “Firstly, how many young men have you been intimate with?”

“Uh…” Lilly’s cheeks reddened. “I think it’s six.”

“Six!” Fenny gasped. “Jesus.”

The doctor gave Fenny a withering look. “And was that all penetrative sex?”

“Yes,” Lilly said quietly.

“Okay,” the doctor soothed. “Because you should be aware that all intimate relations whether it be vaginal or anal intercourse or even oral sex all come with risks.” She stopped tapping at the keyboard. “I would like to examine you before writing you a prescription, okay?”

Lilly nodded and looked at Fenny. “You can wait outside if you want.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Fenny mused standing and giving Lilly’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll just be outside.”

Fenny made her way back into the waiting room and pulled out her phone. There was a message from Gina that read “This has happened” and a photo of Troy and a little drawing.

The doctor’s office door clicked open and Lilly emerged clutching a script. Fenny shoved her phone back into her bag.

“Everything all right kiddo?”

“I’m STI free, so there’s that,” Lilly shrugged. “We need to go to the drug store.”

“Do we also need ice cream to forget this ever happened?” Fenny suggested as she took the script from Lilly.

“All the ice cream,” Lilly agreed wrapping her arms around herself.

Gina sat on the couch with her MacBook in her lap trying to find a couple of thousand words on the benefits of pantry organisation, but oddly the inspiration wasn’t coming. Chip was darting around the kitchen with god only knows what and there were periodic clunks as he smashed into the pots or slid on the mat into the bin. He appeared a few seconds later with a sponge, dropped it near Gina and then passed out on a fluffy throw cushion.

“You’re weird,” she declared and gave his little ears a scratch before reverting her attention back to the blank screen. “Fuck it.” She moved her cursor down and brought up FaceTime and selected Paul. It only took seconds before Paul and all his beard filled the screen.

“Genie,” he smiled. “What do I owe the pleasure, darlin’?”

“Troy, you left Troy.”

“Did I?”

“Don’t pretend to be coy.”

Paul giggled. “Did you like the bit of art I left you?”

“Its very sweet, but I don’t like feeling that you’re trying to emotionally manipulate me.”

“I’ve never emotionally manipulated you!”

Gina cocked her head to the side.

“Ok, maybe once when I started singing to you on my knees in Edinburgh,” Paul raised an eyebrow. “And then I got kidnapped.”

“Paul, a lot of moments in our relationship have been brought about because you know how to get at me.”

“Do I?” he said innocently and pouted, his brown eyes looking big and sad. “Genie, I’m sorry if I’ve every done anything to pull you in a direction you didn’t want to go. I am.”

“Oh don’t, don’t you dare,” she frowned. “You’re doing it now and you know it.”

He looked down briefly and tried to fight a smile. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about,” he cleared his throat. “I’m being sincere.”

She grabbed her pink crystal and began to finger it as she took a steadying breath. “I know you want me to be happy, Paul, and I think maybe the only way to do this is to have a complete severing of our relationship. No more sleeping together. No more catching up. Just no more of anything. We have to move on or we’ll be circling like this forever and be permanently unhappy.”

“If that’s what you think it’ll take,” he said softly.

“I’ll post the mongoose back,” she sniffed as she ended the conversation and sat there watching her hands shake.

Paul exhaled deeply and let a smile creep to his lips as he turned back to the canvas he was working on. “So, Archie,” he mused, addressing the gnome that was perched on his desk in some sort of overseer position. “How long do we give her before she’s back, hey? I’m thinking a couple of weeks, because her need to come and yell at me for more emotional manipulation is already gnawing away at her. Plus, there’s no way she’d be able to put Troy in the post. At least I hope not because he gets afraid of dark enclosed spaces.”

Two Weeks Later

“I can already smell the donuts,” Lilly declared as she and Fenny made their way through the airport. “I want all the donuts.”

“Once we locate your father he can buy us both all the donuts,” Fenny agreed and then spotted Brad who who grinning and waving his arms in some poor attempt at semaphore. “Does he always have to do the arm waving, it’s entirely unnecessary.”

“Hey Daddy,” Lilly smiled and wrapped her father in a hug.

“Hey Lils,” he cooed and kissed her head. “Hey wife,” added as Fenny stopped to retrieve her shoelace from where it had got caught on the wheel of her suitcase.

“Hey husband,” she half waved from her crouch on the floor. “Sorry, I wanted to fix that before it ended badly.”

“This is why I married you, your attention to safety,” Brad chided and pulled her into his arms. Fenny buried her face in his neck, grateful for his smell and the warmth of his body. They shared a brief kiss before Lilly interrupted.

“Daddy, can we get donuts, I’m starving.”

“Sure, sweetie,” he enthused and unwrapped one of his arms from Fenny to grab his wallet. He handed Lilly some money. “Get us all donuts and shakes while Fenny and I retrieve the pets.”

“Ok,” Lilly beamed and hurried off in the direction of a bunch of food stalls.

“Now I get to kiss you again,” Brad grinned and fell into a much longer kiss with Fenny before they broke apart breathless.

“We should get Crosby and Nash before you decide to take me against the baggage carousel.”

“Don’t tempt me.” He squeezed her rear before they headed over to a special claims area where Nash was trotted out and Crosby was handed over in a box that seemed to contain nothing but his giant cat body.

“Thanks for letting me bring the furkids,” she sighed as she leaned into Brad. “I didn’t want to ask one of the neighbors, they might eat them.”

“Oh come on, Barb would find it an honor,” he teased. “She’d probably take out an ad in the local paper to announced this great service bestowed on her.”

“Don’t joke honey, that could actually happen.” She nudged him gently as Lilly reappeared with a bulging bag of donuts and three shakes.

After bundling everything into the car and a detour through a maze of backstreets because of roadworks, they arrived at Brad’s apartment.

“It’s so good to be home,” Lilly enthused as she abandoned her case and headed for her room.

“Please tell me she’s not going to revert to the goblin creature she was a coupe of weeks ago,” Brad pouted as he unclipped Nash from his lead. Nash immediately did circles around the kitchen and jumped on the couch.

“I can’t guarantee anything,” Fenny shrugged as she opened the cat carrier door. Crosby darted out, bolted down the hall and buried himself in a linen hamper. “I’ll think happy thoughts though.”

Lilly reappeared closing a large hoop earring. She’d changed into a pale pair of jeans and shirt that seemed to only just make is past her boobs. “I’m going to catch up with Becca and Lulu, okay?” she smiled, grabbing her bag from the counter.

“You literally just got here,” Brad remarked, crossing his arms. “Could you not spend an afternoon with me.”

“Oh Daddy,” Lilly sighed, cocking her head to the side. “I’m going out so you and Fenny can have all the sex you want, which is clearly a lot because you were almost dry humping her in the airport.”

Brad looked slightly mortified and stood there mouth agape.

“Kid has a point,” Fenny agreed, nodding. “Have fun with your friends,” she added high-fiving Lilly as she headed out.

“I don’t know what just happened,” Brad declared, unblinking.

“Eh, long story short,” Fenny mused and pulled her shirt over her head. “Get your pants off, Sherwood.”

“Will I need my spatula?” Gina frowned she perused her utensil holder. “No, I’m sure the idiot has one.” She shoved the spatula back and looked at the very short list of things she had decided to pack. It had taken her three days after telling Paul she never wanted to see him again for the feeling that maybe she did started eating away at her. Twice she’d tried to post Troy but panicked every time she went to seal the post pack. It was no way to treat a member of the family. The final straw came when she was asked to write an article on the best bikinis for summer. She’d reached the bottom of the barrel and it wasn’t a nice place to be. Gina knew she used to be a very good journalist, somewhere between Paul and kidnappings and Paul, the fire had been quelled, but the potential to save that bit of herself was there.

“Gina, are you home?” a voice called from down the hall.

“Hey Rory,” she called back. “Door is open.”

Rory strode into the kitchen with his usual box of brightly colored fruits and vegetables. “I’ve bad news,” he frowned deeply. “Have you heard about the strawberry crisis?”

“What monster puts pins in fresh fruit,” Gina pursed her lips and nodded.

Rory put down the box and looked sadly at its contents. “It’s the farmers I worry about.”

“I hope they catch the cretins that did it.”

“They’ve moved onto apples and bananas now.”

“Does this mean my fruit options are limited this week?”

“I have blueberries and one very sexy dragonfruit,” Rory winked and held up the strange looking pink-skinned fruit.

“You’re a superhero,” Gina laughed and then sighed. “I’ve bad news too.”

“Oh god, you’ve found a nail in a mango!”

“What? No,” Gina mused. “I’m leaving to go back to Sydney.”

“What? Why would you want to leave beautiful Byron,” Rory said crestfallen. “This day just gets worse.”

“I left something in Sydney that I think I need to find again,” Gina soothed. “But I’m totally keeping this place in case it doesn’t work out.”

“Well I’ll make some calls and make sure I get the best Hello Fresh guy for you down there,” Rory said stoically. “I won’t have you getting subpar potatoes or broccoli.”

“Again, you’re a superhero,” Gina smiled as Rory gave her one more sad look.

“I wish you all the luck,” he said warmly, saluted her and left.

Gina bit her lip as she wandered over and picked up the dragonfruit. She was going to miss Rory.

“This is your fault,” she scowled at Troy who was sitting in the fruit bowl being pawed by Chip.

“Oh god,” Brad gasped trying to catch his breath. “When did we get so good at that?”

“We were always good at that,” Fenny panted, pushing her hair off her face and resting against Brad’s sweaty chest.

“Clearly I’ve never appreciated our skill level before.”

“My skill level,” Fenny concurred, kissing his salty skin. “I’m peaking sexually.”

“I feel like I’m contributing, here.”

“As a man you peaked at 18.”

“That seems entirely unfair.”

“Yeah, you guys really get the hard end of of the gender stick,” Fenny chided. “I mean with menstruation, birth and having to wait for middle age for orgasms, women have it easy.”

“I stand corrected,” Brad laughed and kissed Fenny on the top of her head. “Alexa, play Fenny a feminist anthem.”

“Playing Just a Girl by No Doubt,” the robotic voice declared before the song started.

Cause I’m just a girl

I’d rather not be

‘Cause they won’t let me drive

Late at night

Oh I’m just a girl

Guess I’m some kind of freak

‘Cause they all sit and stare

With their eyes

Oh I’m just a girl

Take a good look at me

Just your typical prototype

Oh, I’ve had it up to here!

“Alexa, play something to soothe Brad’s ego,” Fenny mused as she kissed Brad’s neck. This time it was Baby It’s You by the Promises that filled the room.

Baby its you

Who makes me do the things that I do

You know I can’t cast aside you so soon

Baby its you

“Alexa, tell Fenny how I’m feeling,” Brad giggled as he searched for Fenny’s lips.

You and Me baby ain’t nothing but mammals

So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Fenny snorted with laughter and Brad was quick to follow. Both were bright red and wiping away tears when they finally managed to compose themselves.

“I think here ends the Alexa foreplay,” Fenny gasped, sitting up to wipe her eyes on the covers.

“No, that was amazing,” Brad giggled. “If it ends with ‘The Bad Touch’ every time I will forever be happy.”

“I might divorce you if that were to happen,” she chided as he pulled her back into his arms.

“Well I better make the most of the time between now and when I’ve programmed my post-sex playlist.”

“Who does that?” she gasped as he moved himself back on top of her, and she instantly wrapped her legs around him. “Do I even want to know who is on this list?”

“All the classics,” he smiled as he kissed her lips. “Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande,” he started kissing her neck. “A shit ton of Beyonce and the best of Kanye.”

“Noooo!” Fenny wailed as she felt Brad sniggering into her flesh. “I’ve been good, I don’t deserve such punishment!”

Paul was trying his best to write a song about all the things that go wrong as you get older. He had the music down and strummed it repeatedly on his guitar but the lyrics just weren’t happening. He hummed along for a bit until there was a knock at the door. He looked at the time and saw it was early evening. Who on earth was calling at this time? He carefully put his guitar down and hurried to the front door.

“Fuck you,” Gina declared as she stood there on the doorstep clutching Troy

“Genie,” he said, surprised. “What are you doing here? You said it was over in a permanent sense.”

She cocked her head to the side. “I’m not getting back with you.”

“The thought never crossed my mind.” He held up his hands innocently. “So you’re here for what then?”

“To try and resurrect the career you and the kidnappers destroyed.”

“Well that’s great.”

“And I need a place to stay to do that.”

“My home is your home.”

“I’ll pay my way.”

“Whatever you wish, darlin’.”

Gina swallowed. “So it’s sorted then.”

Paul smiled. “As you wish.”

She ignored the rather sweet Princess Bride reference and motioned to her car. “I have Woody and Chip with me, is that okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” he shrugged as he walked over to where her car was parked.

“You hate cats,” she sighed, thrusting the cat carrier into Paul’s hands.

“I have always tolerated yours.”

“And Woody is, well….” She glanced at the giant dog as he fell out of the car and then cocked his enormous leg on a neighbours lavender bush.

“It’s fine, really,” Paul soothed as they brought everything inside. Woody was immediately escorted out the backdoor while Chip began scooting around the house madly investigating everything. “Come on,” he motioned down the hall and showed Gina to the guest room. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thanks,” she said quietly as she passed Troy to Paul.

He took the mongoose and headed back to his studio. “Well done, son,” he smiled and stroked Troy’s fur.

It was certainly dark when Paul was woken by the creaking of floorboards and then the weight on the bed beside him. He felt the familiarity of Gina’s warm body snuggled into his back. “Shut up,” she whispered and Paul smirked into his pillow.