After several hours at the bar and several more spent drunkenly wandering the streets, accosting tattoo parlour owners about the origins of Brad’s tattoo, Greg, Chip, Brad and Wayne staggered back to the hotel they’d organised to meet at and piled into Greg’s room to carry on drinking.

“I’m going to have to get skin from my butt to cover the monkey,” Brad whined.

“Plenty there,” Wayne grinned.

“Hey!” Brad sulked.

“I wonder where the other three are,” Chip piped up.

“I’m sure they’ll be up to something crazy and zany,” Greg jeered as he inspected the bar fridge.

A short while later, Ryan and Drew burst into the room.

“Well, where have we been?” Greg mused as he eyed up the suits.

“We have to leave now,” Drew gasped.

“But the party’s just started, man,” Brad smiled.

“We found the real Ritz Crispin,” Ryan announced.

“And?” Chip asked.

“She shot the Mafia guy,” Ryan said bluntly.

“She?” Wayne gasped.

“Yes, a devious woman. The thing is we gave her fake drugs and I don’t think she’s going to take it too well when she finds out,” Drew babbled.

“Man, and I was thinking you spent the afternoon at the zoo,” Greg breathed.

“So we’ve gotta leave,” Drew said more urgently.

“Can’t go anywhere until Captain Hair gets back,” Chip sighed.

“Where did he go?” Drew asked.

“He went to find Felicia,” Ryan breathed.

“We shouldn’t have let him go out on his own,” Drew sighed.

“Let who do what now?” Colin asked. He’d wandered up behind Drew and Ryan without them noticing.

Both Drew and Ryan jumped in shock.

“Col we have to leave,” Ryan gasped.

“Why?” Colin asked, looking confused.

“You want the short or the long version?” Ryan asked.

“I’m not bothered,” Colin replied blankly.

“Found Ritz Crispin, turned out to be a woman, she is psycho, killed Mafia guy, will probably kill Drew when she find outs he didn’t give her drugs but enough flour to make cupcakes for the whole of Romania,” Ryan babbled without taking a breath.

“Oh. Well then yes, we probably should leave,” Colin nodded.

“Hey, did you find Felicia?” Wayne piped up.

“Yes,” Colin replied.

“And?” Chip cooed.

“She was a man,” Colin shrugged.

Everyone went quiet and looked at everyone else, and then Ryan broke the silence and began laughing.

“Could only happen to you, buddy,” he giggled and slapped Colin on the back.

“Thanks,” Colin mumbled.

“So what’s truth behind the note?” Brad asked.

“I comforted ‘Phil’ after a fight with her boyfriend,” Colin grumbled. Ryan doubled over laughing again.

After the laughter had died down, Colin sauntered past Ryan and Drew and held up a video tape.

“Now you’ve finished laughing at me, I have something to share with you,” Colin announced.

“Is it porn?” Brad chirped.

“Almost,” Colin perked. “It’s the truth about Wayne’s gold thong. Felicia showed me.”

“Showed you?” Greg questioned.

“On the tape,” Colin grumbled and put the video in the recorder, turned the TV on and pressed play.

“What are we looking at?” Chip asked.

“The Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras,” Colin replied. “Now…keep watching…THERE!” He paused the tape and there on screen was Wayne in the thong and glitter, marching with a large group of others sporting the same.

“Wha…” Wayne shrieked.

“Apparently you were more than happy to offer your services when they were a man down,” Colin grinned.

Wayne was making various noises, none of them even close to words.

“So he really was something from Mardi Gras,” Greg laughed.

“Let’s recap,” Brad announced. “Greg, your money was won from some rich guy who is still after your blood.”

“Yup,” Greg mused.

“Ryan’s sash was from a nude beauty contest.”

“Unfortunately,” Ryan sighed.

“Chips’ black eye was the result of being hit by a guy called Killer.”

“Certainly was,” Chip nodded.

“Colin’s note was from a transvestite that he comforted in her time of need.”

“That’s right,” Colin smiled wryly.

“Drew’s phone was dumped in his pocket by a psychotic woman called Ritz Crispin who specialises in drug dealing and pimping.”

“Yeah, and she’s going to kill us all,” Drew fretted.

“And Wayne’s thong came from a charming stint in the Mardi Gras.”

“Ah uh,” Wayne whimpered.

“SO HOW THE HELL DID I GET MY TATTOO?” Brad yelled.

The others looked at each other, shrugged and shook their heads.

Before anyone could do anything, the door flew open. Greg swore loudly and hid behind Colin.

“I’ve come for my money,” the man hissed. His heavies stepped up behind him, cracking their knuckles.

It was the same men from the casino in Melbourne, and this time the Whose Line men had nothing to protect themselves, not even a mop.