“The sea was red and the sky was grey, wonder how tomorrow could ever follow today. Seems like the wrath of the gods got a punch in the nose and it’s starting to flow I think I might be sinking—”

“What are you singing?” Paul demanded.

“Zeppelin. ‘Going to California.’ I wish I was,” Fenny sighed.

“What, you not liking your stay in beautiful Australia?” Paul jeered.

“I’m having a fucking ball,” Fenny growled. “I’ve been kidnapped, dragged across the country, and now I’m locked in a dark creepy bank vault where a bunch of dead bodies were found where I’m gonna lose my mind and I’m stuck with my closest friend’s husband who doesn’t want me to sing.”

“If Brad were here he wouldn’t want you to sing,” Paul huffed. “If there was a deaf woman with earplugs in, she wouldn’t want you to sing. If those barrels were still in here, they wouldn’t want you to sing.”

“Be nice to me or I’ll start humming The Smurfs theme song.”

“If you sing again, I’ll be forced to kill you.”

“You’d have to find me first,” Fenny laughed from her dark corner of the vault. He flicked on his lighter and illuminated the room enough for Fenny to see him frowning at her. “Fine.”

Paul watched her fold her arms across her chest and saw her face fall back into abject fright. “I think you’ve been hanging around Gina too much,” he announced.

They fell silent in the darkness.

“What do you think’s gonna happen to us?” Fenny asked quietly.

“I don’t fancy the idea of hanging around waiting to find out,” Paul declared, and she heard his clothes rustle and his footsteps come towards her.

The small flame flickered back on and he was standing in the center of the vault, looking up towards the ceiling. “What’re you doing?” Fenny asked.

“This building’s ready to fall apart any minute, I bet I could break down this ceiling.”

“Go for it.”

“Hold the lighter,” he said, handing it to her.

She rubbed the hot metal on her jeans, trying to cool it enough to light it again without hurting herself. “Yeah, I know I’m a wimp,” she sighed as she caught him scowling at her when the light came on again.

He hit the low ceiling with the heel of his palm, testing for a weak spot, and seemed to find one. Soon he was battering it with both fists, even took a couple jumps at the ceiling to bash it with his head.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself,” she chastised as she burned her thumb on the lighter and the room went dark again.

“Better to escape injured than be killed a healthy man. You have a better idea?” he demanded, turning to where he hoped she was.

“Yes actually, I do.”

“Then gimme the fucking lighter.” She lit it long enough for him to grab it from her and light it again.

“Ever seen Charlie’s Angels?” Fenny asked as she tied her hair in a knot.

“Yeah…” Paul responded, wary of where this was going.

“Did you ever get past the bouncing of breasts?”

“Um…”

“Trust me. And don’t burn me.” Fenny moved to place her back against Paul’s and hooked her arms with his. “Brace yourself.”

Paul was startled and suddenly knew what she meant by ‘brace yourself’ when she started walking up the wall. He struggled to support her weight as she kicked at the rotted wood of the ceiling with one foot, splinters and dust falling all around them.

A board tumbled to the floor and faint light streamed into the vault. Fenny jumped back down to the floor and disentangled herself from Paul. “Knock yourself out,” she panted. “I got you started.”

Paul looked at her in disbelief. He never would’ve expected that from her. Grabbing the fallen plank as a tool, he bashed at the ceiling, Fenny sitting on the floor watching the hole grow.

“The car’s in my name, I’m gonna drive it,” Greg growled, grabbing the keys from Gina.

“But I know where we’re going,” Gina snapped, grabbing them back.

“So do I.”

“I can drive on the right side of the road.”

“I got us this far.”

Brad snatched the keys from Gina as Greg reached for them. “I’m driving, you bunch of bratty kids. Go get us another set of maps,” he said to Greg.

“We’re supporting the map industry,” Gina sighed as she slipped into the passenger seat. Brad slipped in next to her, and they looked out their windows. Brad was still dealing with the fact that she and Greg had seen him in the buff, and Gina was trying to fight the image and all those that followed.

“Won’t let me drive, send me running errands, and stick me in the back seat, huh?” Greg grumbled as he slipped into the car, tossing a map at Gina.

“Take a nap,” Brad sighed.

“Drop dead,” Gina suggested.

Greg decided sulking was a good option and set out to do so as Brad started the car and headed for Oodnadatta. They were silent for a few miles.

“What do you think Ritza’s done to Fenny for the whole asphyxiation thing?” Brad asked.

“In all actuality, apart from trying to starve us and screaming at us, she hasn’t done anything too bad,” Gina mused. “She slapped Fen once, Rona tried to pull out her hair. Rona’s the one with the sadistic streak.” Brad nodded, wondering if she had done something to Fenny. “Wonder what she wanted with Paul.”

“Must have a masochistic streak as well,” Greg muttered.

“You’re just jealous because you’re the only guy around who hasn’t gotten laid in a while,” Gina snapped.

“Can we not discuss this?” Brad snapped.

“Just drive,” Greg barked.

Fenny watched as Paul hoisted himself up onto the second floor of the building. “Well?” she called up to him.

“Looks okay to me. Come on up.”

“Come on up he says,” Fenny grimaced as she grabbed for the ceiling. “There’s no way I’m gonna be able to get up there.”

“You can kick apart the ceiling but you can’t pull yourself up?” Paul sighed.

“I’m a chick, my species isn’t born with worthwhile deltoids, thank you.”

Mumbling hushed obscenities under his breath, Paul slid back down into the vault. He linked his fingers for her to step on and hoisted Fenny up through the hole. She looked around the decimated bank office as Paul pulled himself up once again. “Let’s get outta here,” he sighed, grabbing her hand and leading her where he hoped was out.

“Which way do I turn?” Brad asked as they came to a fork in the road.

“Lemme check,” Gina sighed, struggling to get the map opened, smiling at Brad as he turned on the overhead light so she could read it. “You bastard!” she shrieked. Brad and Greg both leapt into the air. “You got the WRONG FUCKING MAPS!”

“No I didn’t, I read the labels on the little boxes they were held in,” Greg defended.

“Yeah, but did you read the damn map?”

“How the hell should I know? You’re the one who said you knew where you were going!”

“Yeah, if I had a map!”

“You should’ve checked ‘em when I gave ‘em to you, ‘cause I’m such an idiot anyway, right?”

“What am I, your keeper?”

“What are we supposed to do now?” Brad demanded.

“Find us a map,” Gina scorned.

“Do we turn back?” Brad asked.

“No, I can at least send us in the general direction,” Gina sighed.

“Yeah, so we can get lost,” Greg huffed. “Turn back.”

“We don’t have the time,” Gina declared. “There’s no telling what those bitches are doing to Fenny and Paul.”

“Let’s go,” Brad said.

“Turn left,” Gina advised.

“Right,” he agreed.

“We’re gonna get lost and we’re gonna get eaten by dingoes and kangaroos,” Greg sighed.

“Kangaroos don’t eat people,” Gina scorned.

“I’m sure I could talk them into it,” Greg hissed, glaring at her.

Fenny took a deep breath of fresh air, glad to be out of the dust and morbidity. “Their van,” Paul gasped. “You drive?”

“Not in Australia,” she said, frowning at him.

“It’s the same thing,” Paul said, taking off for the van.

“Are they stupid enough to leave the keys in?” Fenny called after him as she reluctantly followed. “Where are they, anyway?”

“Who cares, just drive.”

Fenny slid into what she considered the wrong seat and pondered the gear shift with her left hand, found the keys still in the ignition, and nervously headed down the street.

“OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD!” Paul shrieked.

“Get a grip, there’s no one else on the street!” Fenny yelled back, startled.

“Yeah, but if there is, someone’s gonna die, and I don’t want it to be me!”

Fenny nervously got the van situated in the other lane, every bit of her brain screaming at her that this was wrong. “Where do I go from here?”

“Just worry about the ‘from here’ part for now.”

“The car isn’t supposed to be making that noise is it?” Greg asked.

“Don’t think so,” Brad frowned.

“What’s wrong?” Gina asked.

“Shit,” Brad grumbled as the car slowed to a jerky standstill. “Gas.”

“You mean to tell me you ran out of gas?!” Greg shrieked. “What kind of moron runs out of gas?”

“What kind of moron doesn’t think to read the maps before he buys them?” Brad countered.

“So what, we wander around on foot until we find a gas station?” Greg asked.

“Maybe we could find a ride,” Brad said hopefully.

“Not the best of ideas, not around here,” Gina reminded them.

“Maybe we could flag down a trucker with a gas can or something,” Brad shrugged.

“You guys go ahead and flag, I gotta take a piss,” Greg announced and got out of the car, wandering towards the nearest shrub.

Brad looked at Gina, shrugged meekly, and got out of the car to follow suit. “Such class,” she sighed and decided to at least stretch her legs. Before she could take five steps away from the car, her cell phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number. “Hello?” she said, ready to be really quite pissed at a telemarketer.

“Gina.”

“Paul?!” she gasped. “What’s happened, are you okay, how’s Fenny, where are you?”

“I don’t know where we are,” Paul admitted, “we managed to get out of the bank vault in Snowtown.”

“You don’t mean—”

“Yes,” Paul said with a cold laugh. “I’ve got Fenny driving the van those bitches dragged us away in.”

“Fen’s driving?” Gina gasped, walking towards a clutch of trees to work the kink out of her knee that had developed from sitting so long in the car.

Paul held the phone up to Fenny and she said, “Hey Gina.”

“Once she figured out which side of the road was which, she’s been doing okay. What’re you up to?” Paul asked.

“We’re lost and stranded,” Gina sighed. “Greg bought a map for like Panama or something, and Brad ran out of gas.”

“Not your fault for once then?” Paul asked, sounding surprised.

“I don’t think so. Hold on.” Her voice was muffled when it returned. “You hear something guys?”

Paul frowned into the phone as he heard a unified cry of “Shit!” and odd ruffling noise. Suddenly there was a squealing of breaks, a horrendous crash, breaking glass, crunching metal, and a choked back scream. “Gina,” he called into the phone. “Gina!”

“What’s wrong?” Fenny gasped, easing off the accelerator.

“I dunno,” he whispered, waiting for a response from the phone.

“Paul?” came the shaky voice from Gina.

“Yeah, what’s wrong?” he asked anxiously.

“What’s the fee for destroying a hired car?”