Oh Johnny, you’re so brave. If you hadn’t got here when you did, DeSuza might have got away with it. And Johnny (sob) you saved (sob) my life (wail).

“This is making me ill,” Fenny announced.

“Like that would ever happen in real life, I mean really,” Gina scorned.

“Come on, roll the credits and bring on the cheesy pop music,” Fenny sighed.

The credits began to roll but the cheesy pop music was drowned out by banging on the hotel room door. Gina slid off the bed and padded over to the door. When she opened it, Brad was leaning against one side of the frame, Greg the other and Paul was in the middle, leaning on the other two.

“Good evening ladies,” Greg slurred.

“Evening? It’s 1 am,” Gina said pointedly. “What are you doing here?”

“Bar closed,” Paul replied pushing his way into the room, followed by Brad and Greg. Greg stopped and looked at Gina.

“Hi pumpkin,” he grinned and then joined the others as they looked giddily at Fenny, who was lying on the bed trying not to crack up.

“Hiya Fenny,” they said in unison.

“Well, I always did want my own chorus line of drunks,” Fenny mused as she sat up.

“Sit down before you fall down,” Gina ordered.

Brad made his way toward Fenny, tripped over the end of the bed and landed sprawled out on his back, laughing hysterically. Paul fell into Gina’s lap and grinned, until she pushed him back onto the bed. Greg grabbed a wicker chair from the corner of the room and flumped into it, resting his feet on the corner of the bed.

“So what did you get up to?” Fenny asked, ruffling Brad’s hair, his head now in her lap.

“We drank,” Brad said nonchalantly, “a lot.”

“We played pool,” Paul piped up, “and Greg lost and I made him run around the table with no pants.”

Gina doubled over laughing and Fenny looked at her strangely. “This is some weird Australian custom, right?”

“Yeah, and I know for a fact Greg is wearing lime green undies,” Gina sniggered.

Fenny couldn’t help but laugh at that image. “So what have you been drinking?” she asked, not sure if she really wanted the answer.

“TEQUILA,” Paul said excitedly and then began to sing. “Dododododo…dodododododo.”

The others looked at him amused, but he wasn’t satisfied and kept going “dododododo…dododododo…dododododo…dododododo.”

This is turn, cracked everybody up, but still he persisted.

“Dododododo…dododododo…”

“Shut up,” Gina giggled and put her hand over Paul’s mouth, he lost it and ended up in a fit of drunken giggles at his own stupidity.

“Hey guys,” Greg piped up.

“Yes darling,” Brad replied. Paul was still giggling.

“We had something to tell the girls, remember,” Greg declared.

“No, was that before or after the third bottle of tequila?” Brad asked.

“Dododododo….dododododo.” Gina’s hand went back over Paul’s mouth quickly.

“Can we avoid the ‘t’ word?” she mused.

“Fine, I’ll do it,” Greg announced and got to his feet. “Fenel…Feni…Fenny…I’m sorry for fucking you. And Gina, I’m sorry for fucking you, too.” Gina and Fenny looked at each other, worried by where this was going.

“I’m sorry for fucking you too,” Brad smiled at Fenny, then realised that was wrong and stopped to think.

“I’m sorry for not fucking you,” Paul declared, looking blankly at Fenny.

“No, I’m sorry for fucking Ritza,” Brad suddenly perked.

Fenny looked at Gina. “I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry.”

“Genie,” Paul slurred, “I’m not sorry for fucking you.”

“Thank you, I think,” Gina muttered.

“Come on, Sherwood, I think it’s time you went to bed,” Fenny announced and pushed him into a sitting position. She got to her feet, grabbed both his hands and pulled him into a wobbly standing position.

“You ruin all the fun,” he grumbled as Fenny led him out of the room.

“On that note, I’m off to find somewhere to pass out until morning,” Greg announced as he got to his feet, forgot about his bad ankle and let out a yelp when he tripped over the wicker chair. He got back to his feet, limped across the floor and disappeared out the door.

“So, are we gonna do it?” Brad grinned as he attempted to undo his shirt.

“Babe, I don’t think you could hold up a lollipop right now, let alone anything else,” Fenny mused as she helped him with his shirt.

“I love you,” Brad perked and attempted to give her a slobbery kiss. She ducked away, the smell of tequila too much for her to handle. “Hey!” Brad whined.

“Sit,” Fenny ordered. Brad fell into the bed and Fenny removed his shoes.

“Are you gonna take off my pants too?” he asked, giving Fenny a lopsided smile.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” Fenny sighed, planted a kiss on his forehead and disappeared into the ensuite.

When she returned, Brad was fast asleep, on his back, snoring. Fenny pulled the sheets over him and shook her head in amusement. If they got married, what on earth would his real bachelor party be like, and would he be capable of walking down the aisle?

“I am so disowning you,” Gina mused as Paul was attempting to undress himself, but couldn’t figure out why his jeans wouldn’t go over his shoes.

“It’s not working,” he announced.

“What’s not working?” Gina asked, getting off the bed.

“My pants,” Paul replied.

Gina cracked up again and helped him get his shoes and jeans off. “I haven’t seen you this drunk for a while.”

“Oh, I’ve been drunk, you’ve just been busy fucking other people,” Paul pointed out.

“Yeah, thanks for that,” Gina grumbled.

“Greg and I, you know Greg…of course you know Greg, what am I saying,” Paul giggled. “We were discussing how different your technique is on both of us.”

Gina stood there opened mouthed.

“Yeah, just like that,” Paul mused.

“God I hope you’re as sick as a dog in the morning,” Gina muttered as she crawled into bed.

She felt Paul slide into bed beside her, and just as she was drifting off, “Dododododo.”

“Shut up,” she laughed, belting him with a pillow.

Fenny wandered down for breakfast and found Gina already studying the breakfast menu.

“Good morning Fenella,” she mused.

“Mmm, I smell cooked breakfasts,” Fenny perked as she joined Gina at the table.

“How’s Bradley this morning?” Gina asked.

“I think between his grunts, groans and whelps of pain from his enormous headache…he’s a pretty miserable bastard,” Fenny jeered.

“I haven’t seen Paul emerge from beneath the covers yet. All I heard was a muffled, ‘Let me die in peace’,” Gina perked.

“I’d like to say I feel sorry for them but, well…I don’t,” Fenny cackled as a waitress appeared.

“Are you ready to order?” she asked, pulling out her notepad.

“Yeah, two cooked breakfasts, two strong black coffees, three teas and three doses of Beroccas,” Gina perked.

“Coming right up,” the waitress smiled and disappeared as Greg wandered over, looking more than a little worse for wear.

“Morning Proop Dog,” Fenny perked.

“Don’t yell…please,” he grumbled and fell into a seat.

“Aw, does poor Speccy have a little headache?” Gina cooed.

“Don’t, I’m too fucked to be witty,” Greg groaned and rested his head in his hands.

Fenny and Gina sniggered as Paul appeared, looking as bad, if not worse than Greg.

“Don’t,” he mumbled, falling into the seat next to Gina. “Don’t say a word.”

“Do you remember anything about last night?” she asked.

Paul looked at her through his bloodshot eyes. “Not a word.”

Gina looked at him bemused. “Shame.”

“What did I do?” Paul asked, looking at Fenny and then back to Gina.

Fenny and Gina looked at each other and then began a chorus of, “Dododododo…dododododo.”

Paul let out a cackle and buried his face in his hands. The waitress returned and handed out the hot beverages and Beroccas, something Greg and Paul were glad for. Several seconds later Brad appeared, staggering and looking worse than the other two put together. He slumped into the chair next to Fenny and rested his head on the table.

“Morning sweetie,” Fenny perked and rubbed his back.

“I think I’m dying,” was Brad’s muffled reply.

“Aw, he’s got his first real hangover,” Paul mused, looking at Greg.

“To think we used to do this every night,” Greg agreed.

“Come on Bradley, have your Berocca, it’ll make you feel better,” Paul insisted.

Brad lifted his head, swallowed the Berocca and then put his head back on the table.

“Two cooked breakfasts,” the waitress announced as she reappeared.

As the eggs, bacon and toast were placed in front of Fenny and Gina, the guys looked decidedly green.

After the girls had finished breakfast and the guys’ nausea had subsided, they all piled back into the car. Gina offered to continue driving while Fenny navigated and Brad, Paul and Greg caught up on some more sleep in the backseat.

“So, how long until we get to Sydney?” Fenny asked.

“About four hours,” Gina replied.

“Really? Thank god for that,” Fenny mused as she consulted the map. “I was starting to think we’d never get there.”

“You’re not the only one,” Gina sighed, turning to look in the back seat. Brad was leaning against the window, Paul was snuggled into Brad and Greg’s head was in Paul’s lap and they were fast asleep.

“I really, really wish I had a camera,” Fenny mused.

Three hours and fifty-six minutes later, Gina pulled the car into the parking lot at her apartment building. The guys had managed to sleep the entire way, and Fenny had never felt so relieved to be in Sydney in her life, mostly because she was bursting for the toilet.

“WAKE UP,” Gina and Fenny yelled together.

The three men groggily lifted their heads.

“Where are we?” Greg asked.

“Home,” Gina perked and slid out of the car.

“Keys,” Fenny demanded as she joined Gina outside.

“Hey?” Gina grunted.

“I need to go…Like now,” Fenny babbled.

“Oh,” Gina giggled and handed her keys to Fenny, who raced up the stairs and was caught by Moonstar as she came out of Gina’s apartment.

“Oh, you’re back then,” Moonstar scorned.

“Talk later,” Fenny rushed and pushed past her.

Gina, Brad, Greg and Paul appeared several seconds later and copped and annoyed look from Moonstar.

“How’s my baby?” Gina asked,

“Traumatized?” Moonstar huffed, “That cat has abandonment issues, you know.”

“You know, so do I,” Gina soothed as Brad and Greg disappeared into her apartment.

Moonstar looked highly huffy for a hippie. “Well, when he needs intensive psychotherapy…” she muttered and stormed off back to her apartment.

“Oh, I’m excited to be home,” Gina muttered and dragged Paul into her apartment.