“This is extremely fucked up,” Danny breathed. “I suddenly know how war veterans feel.”

“Angry, bitter and in need of therapy?” Fenny whispered as she tried to listen for Amy.

“No, that whole group bonding under strenuous circumstances thing,” Danny explained, pressing his back harder against the wall.

“I don’t know that bonding is the right term,” Fenny countered. “It’s been more like a series of unfortunate events, painful scarring injuries and screwing each other’s brains out.”

“Yeah,” he nodded and fell silent a moment. “Say we’re killed in action…”

“Oh that’s right, be positive,” she scorned, her pounding heart echoing in her ears.

“Hear me out,” he continued. “What would be your biggest regret?”

“Christ I don’t know,” she gasped. “Probably getting myself into that situation in the first place. How about you?”

“Not telling the person I care about the most how I really feel,” he said softly.

“Aw Dan you know I love…”

“Not you,” he cut in. “Gina.”

“Oh,” she breathed. “I’m glad men find me so memorable.”

“You were memorable,” he declared, squeezing her arm. “But I’ve always been in love with Gina.”

“You know, I think everyone knew that anyway, Brannigan,” she mused as she wondered how Danny could stand to watch Paul and Gina together.

“Will you two shut the fuck up,” Eric ordered from above the hole.

Fenny and Danny listened as footsteps came storming into the room and Amy’s voice piped up.

“We couldn’t find them,” she hissed. “We couldn’t find the little fuckers.”

“Jesus,” Eric scorned. “They’ll be long gone by now.”

“I’ll fucking kill Otto, this is his fault,” Amy snarled as she started pacing the room. “They can’t have gotten far, they just can’t.”

“Amy, darlin’, calm down,” Eric sighed and stopped her from pacing by pulling her into his arms. “I’m feeling a lot better,” he added, pulling off the balaclava. “Why don’t we make up a little for lost time.”

“Sean, you know I…” Amy was cut off with a kiss and gave up fighting as she pressed herself against his toned body.

“Doesn’t anyone leave their doors unlocked in this god damn town?” Brad groused as he hobbled about looking for an already opened car.

“I know,” Paul agreed. “You think they’d be worried about strange Yanks coming along and stealing ‘em.”

“It’s just not like the movies,” Greg piped up. “Why doesn’t someone leave a topless car parked somewhere that we could just hop into and have Gina hotwire.”

“I’ve always wondered why cars like that don’t get stolen more,” Paul chimed in. “You would have thought something with such easy access would be a car jacker’s dream.”

“It’s…not…working,” Brad growled as he tugged on a car door handle until he was breathless and fell onto the kerb.

“Men really are useless,” Gina sighed. “Stand back,” she ordered before lifting one of her crutches and smashing a rear window. Once there was a reasonable hole she stuck her hand into the opening and unlocked the door. “Taa daa.”

“That’s criminal damage!” Brad gasped, looking mortified.

“Oh and stealing it for our own purposes is perfectly legal, huh?” Gina countered as she fell into the driver’s seat.

“I can’t help but feel kinda proud,” Paul mused. “I actually married someone more deviant than me.”

“Yeah, great achievement there, munchkin,” Greg teased as he brushed the broken glass into the gutter and then lowered himself onto the back seat.

“So who’s driving?” Paul asked as the engine roared into life.

“Me,” Gina replied and Brad looked at her annoyed.

“You said I had to steal the car!”

“And you proved incompetent,” Gina shrugged. “Now get in or stay here,” she added, slamming the door shut and revving the engine. Paul fell into the passenger seat while Brad reluctantly got in the back. “Hold onto your knickers, girls!”

“Didn’t Posh Spice say that in Spiceworld?” Greg asked as Gina sped toward the end of town.

“Oh dude,” Brad gasped. “You’ve seen Spiceworld?”

“I’ve seen Spiceworld,” Paul said blankly. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yeah dude, get with it,” Greg added sarcastically as Brad fell into a sulk.

“Well, it looks like Amy’s back,” Ritza declared as Beven parked the hire car a little down the road leading to the house.

“You’re so observant,” Claudia groused. “And you call yourself a crime queen.”

“Oh I am so gonna kick your arse,” Ritza snarled as Beven grabbed her.

“No one is going to kick anyone’s arse, ok?” Beven sighed. “Let’s just get in there, get Fen and get out. No arse kicking, no blood spillage and no fucking talking, got it?”

“Oui,” Claudia sighed, crossing her arms.

“Ritza?” Beven breathed, still holding her arm in his large hand.

“I’m not an idiot,” she hissed and stormed toward the house.

“She needs therapy,” Claudia groused and Beven glared at her. “Bonne chance!”

“Oui,” Beven agreed, letting out a deep sigh as they followed Ritza. “We’ll need it.”

“Sit still,” Danny said in a barely audible whisper as they tried to ignore the kissing, fondling and giggling they could hear through the hole.

“I can’t,” Fenny replied. “I’m getting sore sitting here.”

“Just try and think of something else,” Danny begged. “Brad or something.”

They fell silent for what was probably about three minutes and then it happened. A cramp caught itself in Fenny’s left calf muscle and without thinking she sprung to her feet. “Ow, shit!”

”Oh, you idiot,” Danny groaned, covering his face as Fenny hopped around rubbing her calf.

“What was that?” Amy gasped, pulling herself away from Eric/Sean and getting to her feet. “It came from the cellar,” she added as she quickly buttoned her pants and grabbed her gun.

“Ames,” Eric cooed. “Come back and…”

“Who the fuck is down there,” Amy hissed, shoving her face and gun through the hole.

“Oh crap,” Fenny breathed as her cramp was quickly forgotten.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Fenella,” Amy perked and slid through the hole. She landed on the dirt floor in a cloud of dust but there was no mistaking the gun in her hand as the light from above reflected off it. “Sean get down…” she paused as Danny consumed a mouthful of dust and started coughing. “Wow, Brannigan as well.”

”Charmed, I’m sure,” Danny groused as she ushered him to his feet.

“Sean!” Amy yelled again and Eric quickly slid through the hole and into the room. He kicked up more dust and they all coughed. “How did they get in here?”

“I’ve no idea,” Eric lied, avoiding looking at them. “Must have got in when I fell asleep.”

“Well?” Amy asked, turning her ire to Fenny and Danny.

“Like he said,” Fenny gasped.

“Word for word,” Danny nodded.

“Why?” Amy asked. “I mean, since the rest of your friends have escaped, why come back?”

“We missed you,” Danny suggested, only to have Amy’s gun pushed under his chin.

“Don’t do the fucking smart act with me,” Amy hissed. “Why are you here?”

“Well, one night Dad got really, really drunk, and Mom hadn’t exactly been keeping away from the punch and…”

“Shut up,” Amy snapped, glaring at Fenny, her gun swinging between her two captives.

“My god, she’s unhinged,” Danny breathed and wished he hadn’t when the gun barrel had been pressed to the side of his head. “No, maybe eccentric sums it up more.”

“So now they’re here what do we do with them?” Eric asked, swallowing as the words left his mouth.

“Y’know I’m so sick of the sight of them,” Amy breathed. “I say we just kill ‘em, bury ‘em out here and then get on with hunting out the other fuckers.”

“But they might be able to lead us to their friends,” Eric suggested.

“Don’t be such a fucking girl,” Amy snarled and pushed Danny to his knees. She grabbed his hair so tight it made him scream; as he did she stuffed the gun barrel into his mouth, making him gag.

“No,” Fenny whimpered, shaking so violently she could barely stand.

“Say goodbye to the pretty boy,” Amy laughed as the cellar door flew open.

“Step away or I blow your fucking head off, bitch,” Beven yelled, his gun aimed between her eyes.

“Make me,” Amy retorted and Beven smiled as Ritza dropped through the hole on top of her. She let go of the gun and Danny fell backwards, white with shock.

“Dan,” Fenny screamed, dropping to her knees. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” he panted, looking terrified at the gun resting beside him.

“Sean help me!” Amy screamed as she wrestled with Ritza. He didn’t and Ritza had the upper hand until Amy grabbed her abandoned gun and pistol whipped her attacker. Ritza slumped to the floor, blood oozing from a wound on her head.

“Leave them alone, you stupid little girl,” Claudia snapped, marching into the cellar. “It’s me you want isn’t it?”

“Claudia,” Amy gasped getting to her feet. “You fucking ruined my life.”

“Me? I ruined your pathetic little life? You came to me for work and I gave it to you. I look after my girls, it was Don and his other pimps that made things hard for you,” Claudia scowled as she dropped the butt of her cigarette to the floor and stamped it out.

“Don’t lie to me,” Amy screamed. “I fucking killed the bastard and I’ll fucking kill you too,” she let out a distorted cry as she let half a dozen bullets fly into Claudia’s chest. Claudia looked surprised before her eyes went blank and she crashed to the floor, her clothes soaked in blood.

Fenny buried her face in Danny’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. Eric was about to speak when two heavies turned up behind Beven, took him by surprised and knocked him out with the butt of a gun. “Beven,” Danny gasped. “We’re so fucked.”

Amy seemed to regain her stamina and stepped over Claudia’s corpse toward Danny and Fenny. “Yeah, I’d say you were,” she sneered as she walked past them toward Beven.

“It’s awfully quiet,” Gina observed as she, Paul, Brad and Greg slid out of the car. “But it looks like everyone’s here.”

“Genie you should really take your crutches,” Paul informed her as they headed toward the house.

“What are you my nursemaid?”

“It can be arranged.”

“I don’t like the feel of this,” Brad breathed. “Something’s not right.”

“Yeah, there’s no heavies lurking about,” Greg agreed, stubbing out his cigarette. “I mean usually there’s at least one, right?” The group paused and scanned the area, Greg was right, there wasn’t anyone on guard.

“I say we ignore the impending danger and continue,” Gina swallowed as they started walking again.

“Y’know, going the back way has always been pretty unlucky,” Brad declared. “Let’s go thought the front, Beven taught me that the greatest element is surprise, it unsettles ‘em.”

“Front door it is, then,” Paul agreed as they approached it cautiously. He pressed his ear against the door but couldn’t hear anything. “We ready?”

“No but we’re always terribly under prepared,” Greg shrugged and held his breath as Brad opened the door.

”Gee, there’s just so many ways I can kill him,” Amy mused as she played with different positions to place her gun. “Although I think the best way is right between the eyes,” she grinned pressing the gun barrel to his forehead. “Just like the fucker was gonna do to me.”

“Not Beven,” Fenny sobbed, burying her face into Danny again. Suddenly there was a noise from outside the cellar.

“Go see what that is,” Amy ordered her two heavies. “GO!”

The two heavies bolted out of the room and were struck heavily with iron fire pokers.

“Surprise you say,” Paul mused, dropping his poker and snatching up one of the heavies’ guns.

“Works every time, apparently,” Brad agreed, grabbing the other gun as Gina and Greg quickly tied the heavies’ feet and ankles.

“ARE YOU READY FOR THIS DUGGAN?” Amy screamed, and Brad bolted for the cellar.

“Don’t you dare lay a fucking finger on him!” Brad yelled and pointed his own gun at her.

“What?” Amy gasped as she flinched towards the stairs, which was all Beven needed to grab her gun, jump to his feet and smile.

“Well done Sherwood, the element of surprise…” Beven mused.

“Works every time,” Brad finished as the others appeared.

“Where are my men?” Amy wailed.

“Seeing stars, man,” Greg sneered.

“It’s lucky I’m prepared then,” Amy breathed as she produced another gun from under her shirt.

“Shit,” Eric mouthed as the others finished piling into the room.

“Put it down Amy,” Beven sighed. “It’s not worth it.”

“No way,” Amy panted. “I’m gonna finish what I started,” she added and let off two rounds. Beven fell to the floor gripping his chest, twitched a moment and then stayed still.

“Oh Jesus fuck,” Paul gasped and muttered something even more obscene as Amy marched toward them.

“Gee, I don’t know who I’ll take pleasure in killing more,” she smiled. “Fenny, Danny, Greg, Brad, Paul or…” she paused. “Gina!” Gina was grabbed by her hair and dragged away from the others, the gun at her head.

“NO!” Paul yelled, lifting his gun.

”Oh, you want to go first?” Amy cackled, leveling her gun. “What a romantic gesture.”

“Put your gun down,” Brad hissed.

“She’s gonna fucking kill my wife!” Paul wailed, his hands shaking as he held the gun.

“Well have it your way,” Amy perked as her finger tightened on the trigger. Once again she was interrupted by sounds, this time from the hole in the roof. Much to everyone’s surprise, Otto dropped down, kicking up dust and making everyone cough. “Hey little brother, finally you’ve come to join in the fun.”

“No Amy,” Otto announced and pulled out his gun. “It’s over.”

“What?” Amy gasped, looking stunned.

“Eric,” Otto mused, looking over his shoulder as his sister stood there stunned.

“Amy Michaels, I’m arresting you for kidnap, prostitution, the possession and selling of amphetamines, grievous bodily harm and murder….”

“Wha…what?”

“You heard,” Gina hissed, elbowed Amy in the ribs and grabbed her gun. “Bitch!”

”Oh, thank fuck,” Paul gasped, sinking to his knees.

“See, told you Otto was a good guy,” Gina groused as she limped over to her friends.

“Sean,” Amy said blankly as Eric handcuffed her.

”Actually, it’s Eric, and I’m FBI, darling,” he mused as Otto shook his head.

“How could you do this?” Amy wailed as she glared at Otto.

“Easy, it’s my job,” Otto grinned. “Yeah, while you were off traveling the world, I joined the FBI, you psychotic little bitch.”

“You set me up,” Amy wailed.

”Yeah, and Gina would have worked it out, too,” Otto explained. “That’s why I had to get rid of you,” he added, smiling at Gina. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this though.” The room fell silent and they glanced at Claudia’s still, bloodied body, Ritza who still hadn’t moved, and Beven.

“Oh Fen,” Brad breathed, not meaning to have forgotten her but not coping with Beven’s lifeless form. She got to her feet and they clung to each other for several moments. Saying nothing, doing nothing but sharing silent tears. “I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you before,” she blubbed.

“It doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t matter,” he babbled, holding her so tight she almost couldn’t breathe.

Danny got to his feet and sat himself on the bottom of the stairs where he burst into unashamed tears. Gina limped over, sat beside him and wrapped him up in her arms. 
”Are you ok?”

“She had me on my knees with a fucking gun in my mouth,” Danny wailed. “I’ve never been so scared in my fucking life.”

“It’s ok,” Gina soothed. “It’s over now.”

“Over? Have you any idea of the therapy I’m gonna have to go through?” he gasped.

”No, but you could speak to Greg,” she shrugged, and Danny didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“You should go back to your husband,” he eventually coughed.

“Will you be ok?” she asked, getting to her feet.

“Yeah, yeah,” he breathed, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands. “I’ll go cuddle Greg for a bit.”

“Like hell you will,” Greg teased, but took Gina’s spot anyway as she went over to Paul.

“How you doing?” she asked, wrapping her arms around him.

“I could probably do with a spare pair of pants,” Paul replied. “I’m getting too old for this shit,” he added, kissing the side of her head.

“We really have to find a nice little place in Peru.”

“We’ll surf the net when we get home.”

“What are we gonna do about this lot?” Brad asked, motioning to the bodies on the floor.

“We’ve got CSI coming in soon,” Eric replied. “Although Ritza there is ok, she’s just knocked out.”

Brad nodded and let go of Fenny to kneel next to Beven. “I don’t know what to say man, other than thank you.”

“No problem,” Beven replied and Brad fell back onto his bottom.

“BEVEN!”

“You think I’d face a psycho without a bulletproof vest?” he mused, sitting up and ripping open his shirt.

“Didn’t you notice the lack of blood?” Otto laughed as Beven tore off his vest.

“You could have fucking helped us,” Paul groused, looking slightly annoyed.

”Yeah, but I wanted to see how you guys got outta this one,” Beven chucked getting to his feet. “And kudos to Gina for spotting the good guy.”

“Oh shut up,” Brad huffed, falling into a sulk.

Beven walked over to where Ritza was lying and crouched down. He lifted her into his arms and she started to stir.

“What happened?” she mumbled.

“You got pistol whipped,” Beven breathed.

“God damn,” Ritza winced. “What happened to Claudia?”

“She got what was coming to her,” Beven said softly.

“Oh,” Ritza said surprised. “Still can’t believe I got my arse kicked.”

“If it’s any consolation, Amy is getting life imprisonment and you were smart enough to escape any gaol time,” Beven mused as he joined the others with Ritza still in his arms.

“That’s true…” Ritza agreed and was surprised when Beven dropped a tender kiss on her forehead.

“Now we better get you to a doctor,” he sighed. “We right to leave?”

“Yeah, we’ll catch up later,” Eric nodded. “Just don’t leave town.”

“Like we have the energy,” Greg smiled, helping Danny to his feet.

“Wait,” Otto piped up and bounded over to Gina. “I almost forgot.” He reached into his pocket and then opened his palm.

“Oh Otto,” Gina breathed, her eyes welling up as he presented her with her wedding ring and necklace. Gina slipped her ring back on and slid the necklace into her pocket. “Thank you for proving me right,” she smiled and kissed his cheek.

“It was nothing,” Otto laughed. “Besides, if you weren’t married…”

“She likes police uniforms actually,” Brad piped up and Gina looked at him amused. “See, our lives are never normal.”

“Well this is all pleasant and everything, but my wife and I need to have a serious talk,” Paul huffed, grabbed Gina’s hand and led her out of the cellar.

“And I’m off to find a good therapist,” Danny groaned as he ascended the stairs.

“And Ritza needs a doctor,” Beven added following Danny.

“So where did you disappear to?” Brad asked as he walked arm in arm with Fenny to the stairs.

“With Eric,” Fenny mused and then gasped. “Oh shit, Troy!” she added and sprinted out of the cellar leaving Brad stunned.

“Later guys, I’m off to drink to forget,” Greg declared. “Come on Sherwood.”

“So,” Eric breathed, looking down at Claudia then at Otto. “What now?”

“We handcuff Amy to the stairs and play poker until the CSI get here,” Otto shrugged dragging his sister toward the stairs.

“I’m so telling Mom,” Amy snorted.

“You don’t have to,” Otto sneered. “She’ll be in court.” Amy let out a strangled sob as she was attached to the railings.

“Are we playing for money?” Eric asked, getting comfortable on the dirt floor. “Because I’ve only got a twenty.”