Brad woke to the pleasant hum of the radio and blearily opened one eye. He was hoping to see Fenny still curled up beside him, but the coolness of the sheets indicated she’d gotten up hours ago. Brad rubbed his eyes as he thought about everything that had happened in the last few days. When he’d first met Fenny, she had been a quiet little wallflower while he had just gotten increasingly more stupid to impress her. Brad could barely believe the girl he’d married had blossomed into such a beautiful, strong, independent woman. He threw back the covers and got wearily to his feet. He headed out of the room but stopped to look in the mirror; the fighting, the pain, and the emotion was starting to take its toll. He didn’t know why he said half the things he had, nor what possessed him to hurt the woman he loved and so often. It was going to have to stop, though. He knew that. Either they made a red hot go of it, or they got divorced and vowed never to darken each other’s doorsteps again. Brad knew what he wanted, and he just hoped Fenny wanted the same.

He wandered out of the bedroom and found Fenny leaning over the breakfast bar, a half-eaten slice of toast in one hand and the paper in the other. Had he not been walking on eggshells, Brad would have cheekily slapped her on the arse, but he knew better and restrained himself.

“Morning,” he half-smiled as he searched out his favourite coffee cup.

“Ah huh,” Fenny replied, taking another bite from her slice of toast.

Brad grabbed the coffeepot and then put it down again, “Hey Fen can we…”

“Daddy lookit,” Lilly chirped, bounding into the kitchen with a crayon drawn picture. Fenny, who’d turned to look at Brad, raised an eyebrow and then turned back to the paper.

“What is it sweetie?” he asked, crouching down to inspect the drawing.

“Duh, Blue’s Clues,” Lilly grinned.

“But it’s yellow,” Brad said blankly.

“Told you she was a surrealist,” Fenny mused.

“It’s lovely, we’ll pin it on the fridge with the others,” Brad smiled and grabbed a magnet. Lilly responded by making several strange noises and then running off to her room. Brad turned back from the fridge and looked at Fenny again. “Fen, can we…”

“DAD!” Lilly screamed from her room. Fenny turned to see Brad swear under his breath.

“I’m going to the library to research some stuff for my class tonight,” Fenny declared, fighting to keep a smile from her face. “Whatever it is, you can tell me later.” She stuffed the last of her toast in her mouth, swallowed the last dregs of tea, and grabbed her bag.

“DADDY!”

“You’d better go,” Fenny nodded as Brad visibly slumped.

Gina sat on the back step sipping a mug of steaming tea. It was early, but she hadn’t been able to sleep. She couldn’t believe Giles had turned up. She’d never taken their relationship very seriously. They’d met at some posh function and discovered they were basically the only two singles there. After chatting most of the night, they shared a cab and spent the early hours screwing each other’s brains out. To Gina, that’s all it had been. She had been hurting so much that anything that numbed the pain seemed a good idea. Still, even after three months with Giles, she wasn’t even nearly over Paul, and even before she’d gone to Edinburgh, she’d tried to ease things off. Gina smiled as Lewis started chasing butterflies, and she remembered how shocked she was to run into Paul in that pub. The second they’d locked eyes; she’d known he was who she was meant to be with, not some pompous English twat in beige pants.

“What are you smiling at?” Paul piped up as he appeared on the porch behind her.

“You,” Gina shrugged as he sat beside her with his own mug of tea.

“Yeah, what about me? Is it rude?” Paul chided.

“Yeah, it involves you, some baby oil and a salami,” she mused. “No, about running into you in that pub in Edinburgh.”

“A salami?” she looked at him strangely. “What? I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with that image, Polish Sausage maybe…”

“Idiot,” she mused and slapped his arm. He sniggered and then took a mouthful of tea. “So, have we made up?”

“Did we ever actually fall out?”

“I called you a commitment phobic bastard.”

“I called you a two timing harpy.”

“When?”

“Oh no wait, that was the Bold and Beautiful,” he pouted. “Seriously, for a moment. While I’m not coping with the knowledge you fucked the beige dickwit, I’m coping less with the fact that I hurt you so much that only now you’ve felt secure enough to wear this,” he said softly and placed her wedding ring in the palm of her hand and closed her fingers over it.

“Yeah, you did,” she nodded, opening her hand and looking at the ring she’d barely been able to look at in recent months. “But putting it back on will really, really annoy Freya, and stop that lighting guy from chatting me up. Oh, and it should get the gossip columnists going, too.” She paused and looked at the taken aback look on Paul’s face. “Here, do the honours,” she demanded and passed Paul back the ring. He looked at her cautiously a moment and then took her hand and gently slid the ring back on.

“Ba-dang,” he declared half-heartedly.

“Oh, don’t go all introverted on me,” Gina sighed. “I was kidding, I wanted my ring so I could show the world how proud I am to be your wife,” she soothed, instinctively rubbing his back.

“Really?” he asked a bit shocked.

“Don’t seem so shocked.”

“Most people are ashamed of me,” he shrugged. “Parents, friends, relatives, strangers…”

“Yeah, but they don’t know the Paul that I know,” she smiled.

“Really? And what’s the Paul you know like?”

“Well, he’s sweet, fragile and deep while being charming, witty and brazen. He comes in a neat little package and makes me feel like the luckiest women ever.”

“That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me,” he breathed. “So, do you love this Paul?”

“Of course I love him,” she sighed as they locked eyes. “Do you think he loves me?”

“Completely,” he managed to utter as they fell into a kiss. Gina let one hand slide into his hair as she felt one of his rest on her butt. She was almost in his lap when Paul broke the kiss to giggle and they fell backwards onto the porch. Gina brought her lips to his again and the kissing became more fervent.

“GET A ROOM!” a voice bellowed, causing Gina to pull her hand back from unzipping Paul’s pants. Paul looked up as best he could and without moving his hands from Gina’s body and saw Scott, their neighbour peering over the fence and grinning at them.

“I hate the suburbs,” Paul groused as Gina buried her red face in his shoulder.

Fenny sat outside the small theatre flipping through one of the books she’d picked up from the library. She had just started reading about an artist whose name she couldn’t even pronounce but he liked to paint in only tangerine when the side door flew open and Josh flew out. He raced toward her, realised he was going too fast and ended up on his knees.

“Are you all right?” Fenny gasped.

“Peachy,” Josh perked. “I got it, I got the part…IgotitIgotitIgotit.”

“See, I told you I had contacts, and while I know it’s not movies or anything…”

“I’m getting paid and it’s a lead roll, I don’t care,” Josh grinned. “With this and modelling I’m set.”

“You’re still going to nude model?”

“Well, until Jenna gets back,” he nodded. “Thank you.”

“No problem, Larry owes me anyway,” she smiled. “Not that you really needed my help.”

“Oh no, I did.”

She closed her book and studied him a moment. “Don’t suppose you fancy getting some lunch to celebrate, do you?”

“I’d love to, that’s a fantastic idea,” Josh enthused. “Can we pop by a drugstore first though, I think my knees are bleeding.”

“Sure kiddo,” Fenny laughed, helping him to his feet.

Gina was dancing around the living room and regretfully painting over Paul’s drunken apology on the wall. He’d had to go out for rehearsals, which would probably end up with him getting pissed because he’d fluff his lines while trying not to look straight into his blonde co-hosts cleavage, even though he couldn’t help it because she was so tall. Gina dipped her roller into the paint again as she heard the doorbell ring. She turned the music down and hurried out of the room. She expected to see Vicki wanting full details of her night with Paul, but instead there was Giles, beige pants and all.

“Gina,” he gasped.

“Giles, what are you doing here?” Gina sighed.

“Your neighbour, the hippy woman, told me where you were,” he replied. Gina moved aside to let him in. “I went to your apartment yesterday but there was only some guy there,” he continued, following her into the living room.

“Yeah, that was my husband Paul.”

Giles looked shocked, “Your husband? What? When did you…?”

“A long time ago, we were having problems and when I met you, I was trying to get over him.”

“Obviously you didn’t.”

She shook her head. “No, I ran into him again when I went to Edinburgh.”

“And that was it? You forgot about us?” he gasped.

“There was never really an us Giles.”

“Never really an us! Gina, I would have done anything for you had you asked.”

“Why? I said from the beginning all I wanted was a casual thing.”

“Oh, well excuse me for falling in love with you.”

She closed her eyes. “Don’t say that,” she sighed.

“It’s true, it’s why I came all the way down here. I wanted to ask you to marry me.”

“Oh dear god, you’re mad,” she gasped.

“I am now, since you failed to tell me you were already married,” he spat and marched out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

“Marry me?” she muttered. “Oh, why are they always attracted to me?”

“You know, I was always going to get a Prince Albert,” Josh perked, sauntering out from behind the screen in a robe.

Fenny looked at him blankly. “Thanks kiddo. No really, thanks for that image.”

“Know why I didn’t?” she shook her head. “I had a fear of getting it caught in my zipper.”

“Ohh,” she groaned as she heard the first students make their way into the room. “Go and pose,” she ordered and Josh wandered over to take his spot.

Ten minutes into the class, Fenny was helping someone with their shadowing when there was an awful clatter at the door and Josh cracked up laughing.

“Josh, still,” Fenny ordered and made her way through the easels to find Brad on his hands and knees trying to collect his charcoal pencils that had scattered across the floor.

“Brad!” Fenny gasped.

“Sorry, I know I’m late, but it took me two hours to get my supplies,” Brad groused, collecting his last pencil from between someone’s legs.

“What are you doing here?” Fenny asked.

“Learning to draw naked men,” Brad said blankly and walked off to set up.

Fenny steadied herself and decided to leave Brad to his mad delusions and get back to helping her students. She strolled past, looking at how they were all doing. “Yeah, concentrate less on his genitals and more on his upper body,” she sighed, stopping to take a closer look at one.

“Fen!” Brad called.

Fenny counted back from ten and wandered over. “Yes, Bradley.”

“Could you, like, start me off, just draw me the outline and I’ll fill in the rest?” Fenny narrowed her eyes. “No? Well, never mind.”

“If this room wasn’t full of people, I’d do something unpleasant with those pencils,” Fenny breathed and stalked off back to the front of the room.

“My, that spearmint pantsuit is really you,” Danny teased, sauntering into the make-up room where Gina was poking at her plastered down hair.

“Oh shut up,” Gina cussed. “I have more problems than looking like mad pastel woman.”

“Not fighting with Paul again?”

“No, Giles has turned up.”

“Giles, the beige hornet?”

“Yes. He’s in love with me and wants to marry me.”

“I thought you were just fucking him?”

“So did I,” she sighed. “I don’t want to tell Paul.”

“Why? You think he’ll freak.”

“Well, he did freak about Giles, but I think he’ll just laugh at me.”

“Yeah, he probably will,” Danny agreed. “Ah, I wouldn’t worry about it. If Giles is anything of a decent man, he’ll leave you alone now he knows your married.”

“Dan, this is Giles. The man who I dumped like fives times when we got back to London and he still bought me flowers everyday.”

“We could hire a hit man? We know a few,” Danny suggested. She was about to answer when the door flew open. “Right on time,” Danny muttered.

“Does it say low level clouds to you?” Freya asked, motioning to her frock.

“You know, that’s just what I was thinking,” Danny gasped. “Hey Gina, I see you’ve found your wedding ring again.”

“Yeah, you know it just gives me chills, this symbol of Paul’s undying love for me,” Gina nodded.

Freya frowned. “It looks cheap,” she huffed and stormed out.

“Do you think if we hired a hit man he’d take her out as well?” Gina mused.

“Her and her collection of weather-based frocks,” Danny chided. “Does this say Sydney is gonna win by thirty points to you?”

By the end of the class, Brad had barely said a word, and Fenny had chosen to ignore him completely. The last few students were leaving as she closed her books and Josh appeared from behind the screen redressed.

“I’d stay and chat, but I’m going home to learn my lines,” he perked. “Besides, you still have one student left,” Josh winked and then skipped out of the room. Fenny made her way through the easels to find Brad shoving everything into his backpack.

“I thought you had a taping tonight?” Fenny asked.

“I changed with Chip,” Brad shrugged. “And before you ask, Lilly is spending some quality time with her mom.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because I’m going out of my mind, Fen. I’m supposed to be a husband and a father and I’m not doing a very good job at either.”

“That’s not true, you’re a terrific father,” she breathed and squeezed his shoulder.

“Shitty husband though,” he mumbled. “We’re falling apart. I don’t want us to fall apart.”

“So what do you suggest we do?” she asked softly.

“We could get pizza, I’ll apologise a lot, we can talk a bit, and then maybe have make up sex until dawn.”

“Better be good pizza,” she quipped, grabbing her bag and sauntering out of the classroom. A wry smile spread across his face and he hurried after her.

Gina arrived home from work tired from her early morning and the general energy drain that Freya was.

“Pauly,” she called.

“Bedroom,” he called back. She sauntered down the hall and found him slapping on some aftershave.

“Who are you trying to impress?” she mused, noting that he wasn’t in paint-stained jeans, and instead in clean slacks and a shirt.

“Get your glad rags on, we’re going out,” he declared.

“But I’m exhausted,” Gina groaned. “And it’s…”

“Don’t look at your watch,” Paul ordered. “Come on, it’s been ages since we did anything spontaneous. All we do is work and renovate, we need a break.”

“So, we’ll go to bed early,” she pouted.

“Where’s your sense of adventure woman?” he chided.

“I lost it between Giles wanting to marry me and Freya saying my ring looked cheap,” she huffed.

“Giles did what?”

“Why do I attract obsessive men?”

“I’m obsessive?”

“You wanted to have my children two hours after meeting me.”

“I’m an obsessive man,” he nodded and pulled her into his arms. She buried herself in a hug for a few moments before he piped up. “So, you getting changed or what?”

“Is that an order? Are you telling me what to do?” she gasped.

“Yeah, do as I say, woman, or I’ll announce on national television that that sweet natured woman who reads the news gets turned on when I croon the lyrics to ‘Wild Thing’.”

“Oh moment of madness,” she chided.

“Yeah,” Paul grinned. “Wild thing, you make my heart sing, you make everything groovy,” he purred. Gina grabbed him and they kissed lustfully, her hands aching to rip off his shirt.

“I hate you,” she gasped, forcing herself to pull away and hunt out something to wear.

“Come on, come on, wild thing,” Paul added, sounding way too much like Elvis as he left the bedroom before his pants ended up on the lampshade.

“Is it good pizza?” Brad asked as both he and Fenny reached for another slice.

“It’s the best pizza,” Fenny smiled. “So, where’s your apologising.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled through a mouthful of pizza. He quickly swallowed. “I’m sorry I’m a shitty husband, I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I acted like what you do isn’t important, I’m sorry I forgot to get the washing out of the dryer, and I’m sorry for just being an ass in general.”

“You didn’t take the clothes out of the dryer,” Fenny scorned. “They’ll smell.”

“I’ll wash them again,” Brad pouted. “Can you stop being angry at me, it’s driving me insane.”

Fenny let out a little giggle. “Actually, I haven’t been angry with you in days.”

“What? Then why have you barely even looked at me?”

“To make you suffer accordingly.”

“Fen, that’s, that’s…not like you!”

“I know, I surprised myself,” she shrugged, taking a large bite out her slice of pizza.

“I’m quite hurt by that,” he huffed.

“Good,” she quipped. “I mean, sure I was angry at you for a while, but let’s face it, we don’t have a good track record with being angry for long periods of time. And I knew if you gave me that look” — she paused and raised her eyebrows at his pouting face and doe eyes — “that I’d end up caving in because I am the most spineless woman on the planet. So, I just ended up faking it and making you crawl.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“Aw sweetie, you crawled accordingly,” she cooed and smiled as she poked his nose.

“I scrubbed this entire apartment and you weren’t even angry,” he scorned. “My hands were burning from overuse of cleaning products and you…I can’t…you’re very nasty.”

“I’m not seeing the problem,” she shrugged. “You informed me my work was worthless and I should be your unpaid babysitter.”

“I just wanted a break.”

“Well you should have thought about that before you had unsafe sex with Ella, huh?”

“You don’t think I’ve ever thought about that? It’s amazing how a few drunken moments can change your life.”

“Yeah, I think that’s how Paul and Gina ended up married and Proops got a personality.”

Brad started to laugh, “I thought you’d turned a corner when you did that chocolate sauce thing in Paris, but this side of you is something else.”

“It’s nice being in control,” Fenny smirked, licking her fingers.

“Oh, you’re in control now?” Brad chided.

“Ah huh,” Fenny nodded and leaned in, her hand sliding onto his thigh, her hot breath against his lips. “You want it?”

“God yes,” Brad gasped as her hand crept up further and he moved to capture her lips.

“Too slow,” she grinned, pulling back and slowly getting to her feet. “Stay here,” Fenny ordered and headed off toward the bedroom.

“Fine,” Brad huffed. “YOU SMELL CHEESY ANYWAY!”

“I can’t believe they got rid of the dim lighting,” Gina sighed as she poked her fork back into her slice of mudcake.

“And repainted it white,” Paul added as they both looked around the small café where they’d shared part of their first date, its unique character and romanticism lost to Formica and fluros.

“The cake’s still superb though,” Gina mused. “So, where are were going next? Hunting out a pub with a theme night?”

“The only pub with a theme night is on Oxford Street and it’s Abba night,” he chided. “I checked.”

She giggled. “This is close to being the most romantic thing you’ve ever done. You know that?”

“Remember that next time I fuck up.”

“I’ll write it down and put it next to your testicles and my dignity.”

“I don’t know why you hold onto those old things. Well, not your dignity, anyway,” he jeered.

“Bastard,” she laughed and flicked butter cream at him.

“Now you’re just being childish,” Paul said with mock disgust as he pursed his lips and grabbed a napkin to remove the butter cream. He tried to keep up the facade but ended up giggling.

“Shall we go before the management has us carted away?” she breathed.

“Yeah, we’d better,” he enthused and nipped off to pay the bill before they wandered out into the cool night air.

“Well, what are we doing?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“I don’t know,” Paul shrugged. “You decide.”

“Really?” she mused.

“Sure, I’ll put myself at your mercy, just nothing really, really daggy ok?”

Gina grinned and grabbed his hand, “Let’s do something really stupid.”

“How stupid?” Paul asked as she led him down a side street.

“Oh, you’ll see,” she giggled as they approached a small, poster clad shop.

“Genie, this is a tattoo parlour,” he announced, stating the obvious before she dragged him inside. “I’m not getting a tattoo, pain makes me cry.”

“Oh god no, I’m not getting one either,” Gina mused.

“You’re not getting…you know…pierced,” Paul mumbled. “I mean while it’ll make sex even more brilliant, the whole idea kinda disgusts me.”

“NO!” she gasped. “No, hon, I was thinking something more temporary.”

“A clip on?”

“I don’t say you’re an idiot often enough,” she sighed. “What’s the one thing we joke about more than anything else?”

He thought for a moment and then a grin spread across his face. “You’re not serious.”

“Not chicken, are ya?”

“Of course not,” he said unconvincingly and puffed out his chest. “Do you think they have hair issues?”

“Can I help yous?” asked a bald, bearded man with more tattoos than bare skin.

“Yes, my husband wants a temporary tattoo,” Gina perked and shoved Paul forward.

“Hey,” Paul peeped and then looked at the man. “You don’t have hair issues, do you?”

“SHERWOOD!” Fenny called from the bedroom. Brad leapt to his feet, raced halfway to the door and then realised that he was way too desperate and tried to act cool and calm. He strolled up to the door and went to lean suavely against the doorframe, but Fenny was standing there in her ‘Amsterdam Whore’ outfit and he ended up stumbling and having to steady himself on the dresser.

“Wow,” he managed to breathe as several candles flickered to give the room a peaceful, quiet feel. Something it didn’t often get with a four-year-old running riot.

“Well if you’re just going to stand there, I’ll go have a bath,” Fenny declared. He swallowed and walked across the room to her. She felt his hands quiver as they moved around her waist and he pulled her close.

“I…you look…I can’t…” he flustered.

“I look like a whore, but it’s my, ‘I forgive you’ present,” Fenny breathed and stood on her toes to kiss him. She let one hand creep through his hair while another took to working on the buttons of his shirt. He took over and quickly got his shirt off, not bothering to even undo all the buttons, just pulling it over his head. He grabbed Fenny again, their kissing going from passionate to fervent and breathless. She wrapped one leg around one of his and let her hands slide onto his rear, which she squeezed, making him groan into her mouth.

“Remind me again why I gave up sex?” he panted as she pushed him back onto the bed.

“Actually, I’ll think I’ll remind you why you wish you hadn’t,” she breathed and made quick work of his pants. She dropped kisses all over his naked torso and down to the waistband of his boxers. They too were quickly discarded and Brad took to thanking god as his eyes rolled back in his head.

“I can’t believe you talked me into that,” Paul laughed as he and Gina fell out of the tattoo parlour in a fit of giggles.

“Did you see the guy’s face, though? I think he thought we were crack heads or something,” she chided.

“I haven’t been that intimate with another man since Bombay airport in the late 80s,” he mused. “So, do I get to see?”

“No, you’ll have to wait until we get home.”

“Aw, come on, there’s no one around,” he pleaded. “Go on, just a little look,” he added and dragged her under the rear light of a shop in an even quieter side street.

“No, don’t make me,” she whined as he tried to undo her pants.

“I’ll show you mine?”

“Promise?”

“With God as my witness,” he said innocently.

“Okay, but be quick,” she sighed and he grinned and undid her pants. He pulled back the sheer fabric of her panties enough to see the words ‘Property of Paul McDermott’ on her butt cheek.

“That is so beautiful,” he declared and slapped her arse as she did her pants back up.

“Thank you,” Gina giggled. “Your turn,” she added. He raised an eyebrow at her as he undid his pants and turned around. She couldn’t stop giggling as she inspected the words of ‘Property of Gina Coleman’ on his hairy arse. “I wish I could show all my friends.”

“I’m so glad you can’t,” he mused as he did his pants back up.

“We should get out of this ally before someone thinks we’re selling drugs or fucking,” she chided.

“Really? Maybe we should give them something to talk about, then?” he grinned and pushed her up against the wall. He pressed himself against her and she had to fight off the giggles as they kissed.

“Gee, this is romantic,” she chided. “Snogging in a dark, dank ally that smells of piss.”

“This from the woman with her hands on my arse.”

“It’s mine now, it says so,” Gina said blankly.

“Does that mean I can have my way with yours whenever I want to?” Paul asked.

“You know, this adds a whole new dimension to our strangeness,” she mused.

“I think it’ll be a good talking point at parties,” he nodded before he took to nibbling at her neck.

“Hey, if you’re going to start that, we might as well go home,” she declared as she tried to push him away. “Then I can go to sleep while you do what you like to my comatose body.”

“Gee, thanks honey,” Paul sarced. “Just for that we’re going to a club and I’m keeping you out until dawn,” he added and took her hand to lead her back out of the ally.

“Great I’m going to look like a raccoon with myxomatosis when I read the news,” Gina huffed, rubbing the love bite she could feel forming on her neck.

Fenny gave a tired giggle as Brad trailed kisses all down her back. “Aren’t you worn out yet?” she mused, rolling onto her back.

“Nope,” he smiled and leaned in to kiss her again, she ran her fingers through his already dishevelled hair as his fingers starting caressing her bare skin again. “I’ve missed being close to you.”

“You mean you’ve missed the sex,” she countered.

“Am I that shallow?”

“Like a little kiddie’s paddling pool.”

“And I was going to tell you that I loved you,” he declared haughtily and snuggled in beside her, his head resting on her chest.

“You mean like you were groaning earlier,” she chided, her fingers toying with his hair.

“I think that was a love that was shared between you and god,” Brad huffed.

“Why god? Is there something you need to tell me?”

“No, it was a long time ago and we don’t talk anymore,” Brad breathed as he entwined his fingers with Fenny’s.

“You know you surprised me by passing on the taping,” she announced.

“I decided this was more important,” he sighed, lifting his head to look at her. “I was scared I was losing you.”

“You’ll never lose me,” Fenny breathed. “Although if you’re derogatory toward my art again, I will hurt you.”

“Speaking of which,” Brad perked, pulling her close to him. “I think I need a better look at the naked human form.” He dove under the covers and Fenny let out a squeak before he pulled her under too.