“He did what?” Paul gasped.

“I’m so sorry,” Brad cried as he leapt up to follow Fenny.

“You should be,” Paul nodded resolutely.

“We were drunk.”

“You’re paying to have that room disinfected,” Gina declared. “You did do it in your room, didn’t you?”

“You’re not helping,” Fenny snapped and continued to stomp away.

“Where’re you going?” Paul called after her.

“Somewhere else.”

“Come on Fen,” Brad huffed, grabbing her arm, “can we not do this? I know it doesn’t mean a lot to you because you’ve got that Danny guy and he’s in love with you, but—”

“What?” Fenny gasped, turning to face him as her previously flushed face suddenly went pink.

“Yeah, um, he showed up when Freya was leaving, and then he came back this morning and he kinda reminded me that keeping secrets from you to keep you from getting hurt doesn’t always work.”

“No shit,” Fenny murmured under her breath.

“Not in so many words though,” Brad continued, “in fact he nearly broke my arm for you.”

“Oh good,” she sneered, “that’s why you’re here, you’re afraid of Danny.”

“No, I’m afraid I’ll lose you to him.”

“What makes you think you ever had me to lose?”

“Well, I…”

“Besides, you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself without me, don’t you?”

“Fenny, please,” he whimpered.

“Please what?” she demanded, but she cocked her head in a curious manner.

“I dunno,” Brad shrugged awkwardly. “Just don’t go.”

Fenny sat heavily on the grass, holding her head in her hands and rubbing her forehead. Brad sat as well, close to her but not too close. Paul, frowning to himself, followed suit, and Gina regarded them for a moment before flumping down next to him.

They sat together in the grass in a rough circle, looking at the ground until Paul lay back on the ground. One of his closer friends had slept with his girlfriend. By all accounts he should be livid, pissed, or at least a little bit angry at Brad as well as Freya. But in all actuality, he couldn’t care less that Freya had slept with someone else. Granted, he would have rather it have been someone other than Sherwood, because that just sent him and Fenny further into their downward spiral of hatred and self-pity, but really, he was with Gina, Freya was the furthest thing from his mind. Or had been until Brad had gone and screwed up again. Why was he surprised? He closed his eyes, put his hands behind his head, and decided it wasn’t his problem.

“So what, that’s it?” Gina demanded, looking from Fenny, who was scowling at the grass as she picked it apart, and Brad who was obviously trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t result in him getting pushed into the nearby pond and getting attacked by the malicious ducks that called it home. “Back to the old habits, sitting and pouting and sucking all the joy out of everyone around you?” Fenny averted her eyes and Brad looked at her pointedly. “Well you can walk to the hotel then, because I’m not having you two in my car acting like two spoiled little brats. Besides, the quicker you two figure yourselves out, the quicker Sherwood gets out of my apartment and the quicker Fenny gets back her sanity and stops robbing me of mine.”

“She’s right, you know,” Paul declared.

“I know she is,” Fenny snapped as she clambered to her feet and wandered away. If Brad wanted to talk, he’d follow her. He did. Once they’d gotten an appropriate distance from Gina and Paul, Fenny turned on him. “What the hell were you thinking, sleeping with Freya?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Brad countered. Fenny squinted at him. “I don’t mean with Freya, what about Danny, huh?”

“Danny isn’t my friend’s lover.”

“No, he’s your lover’s friend though.”

“Ex-lover, and they weren’t friends,” Fenny grumbled. Brad looked far from impressed with her argument. “Fine, explain Ritza then, huh?”

“I’m sorry,” Brad said, the tone dropping from accusatory to remorseful. “I was lonely and turned on and I was beginning to think I was losing you to, well, one of the other men in your life.”

“She likes killing people, Brad,” Fenny growled.

“Yeah, well you’re hanging around with a self-obsessed prick and violent mood swings guy.”

“Because they care about me.”

“God Fen, how many men can you fall in love with at a time?” he sighed.

“I had a pretty normal track record until you fucked me up,” she spat.

A dog yapped somewhere behind them, and they turned in frustration to see a young woman walking a dog down the path a few feet away. She shot them a cautious smile which they returned as the dog continued to yip at some imagined threat and they trotted past. Once she was out of earshot, they turned to each other again, Fenny glaring and Brad defensive.

“I didn’t do anything to you, you were pretty fucked up when I got you,” he countered.

“You make it sound like I’m some sort of defective piece of merchandise, thanks a lot.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Well I know that we’re both still screwing up like we always have and always will, because we’re drive each other crazy. Don’t tell me that’s not true.”

“Yeah, well what if I’m through with you making me insane, huh? Then what?”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Maybe I do.”

“So, what about Freya?” Gina probed as she got tired of watching Brad and Fenny poking accusatory fingers at each other. “I mean her and Brad.”

Paul shrugged. “I should hate them both, shouldn’t I? I was cheated on, after all. But on the other hand, I’ve been sleeping with you and I didn’t even have to get drunk to do it.”

“Not that that’s stopped you from getting slobbering drunk,” Gina smiled.

“It’s more fun that way,” he chortled. “But really, I don’t care about Brad bonking Freya. Guess that just goes to prove I don’t love her. I mean look at those two, they’re ready to kill each other for sleeping with other people, and they haven’t been actually dating for months.”

“I like having those two Yanks around,” Gina nodded to herself. “They make us look normal.”

“They fixed our problem while keeping it for their own,” Paul mused.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Freya seduced another man,” he said, eyes wide with mock innocence, “I fear I’ll never trust her again.”

“Does this mean you’re giving up soy?” Gina asked, eyebrow raised.

“And the tracksuit.”

“No, keep it,” she chuckled, “I wanna see you in it.”

“That’s spousal abuse,” Paul gasped.

“Just once. Then we can donate it to a worthwhile charity.”

“I can see a poor homeless derelict bleeding in the gutter with a fractured skull ‘cause he got beaten for wearing velour,” Paul giggled.

“No, I don’t think anyone would be desperate enough for the velour,” Gina laughed.

“Hey, there’s a whole park full of velour-wearing Tai Chi fanatics every morning.”

“Which proves that Tai Chi fanatics have worse taste in fashion than hobos. And you fucked one of them.”

“So did Sherwood,” Paul pointed out defensively.

“Yes, but he was drunk.”

Paul narrowed his eyes at her as he tried to hide a smile. “Shut up.” He closed his eyes and leaned back on the grass. With a shrug Gina joined him, resting her head on his chest as she let the sun warm her face and she tried not to listen to Fenny and Brad scream themselves out.

“Maybe I’m tired of all the games we play, having to find new and interesting ways to yank each other around.”

“What, you go and find yourself a football player to keep you warm at night and that’s it?”

“Danny and I are not about sex,” Fenny huffed.

“What is it then?”

“It’s a simple relationship without all the issues and the pain and the having sex with the wrong people and running all over the world trying not to get killed and not having any step—” Fenny paused her tirade. “What’s that sound?”

“What sound?” Brad asked, but the question was soon answered as his backside was suddenly pelted by a harsh stream of water. He reflexively leapt out of the way, directly into another sprinkler. As he turned to look at her, Fenny made a useless gesture to push a few water drops off her glasses. She crossed her arms across her chest, trying to ignore the fact she was getting soaked. “Think this is the gods’ way of telling us to cool off?” Brad smirked.

“That or the groundskeeper decided we were aggravating the local fauna,” she shrugged. In spite of herself, she smiled at him over the top of her glasses as his hair plastered itself to his head and he blinked against the water dripping past his eyes.

“I think you’re right, look at monkey boy,” Brad grinned, nodding towards Paul and Gina, who were laughing hysterically at them. She rolled her eyes at them and turned back to Brad, whose face had lost its argumentative spark and was instead looking down at her almost fearfully.

“Fenny, I love you, and I don’t want to lose you again over something so stupid.”

“You know what’s going to happen if we get involved again,” she sighed, her resolve beginning to weaken. Maybe it was the sprinklers, maybe it was the crushed look in his eyes, maybe it was the way her heart hadn’t stopped fluttering since he’d appeared seemingly out of nowhere. “It’ll end in tears, it always does.”

“We’ve been through enough to have learned from our mistakes, right?”

“Brad…” she whined.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.”

She looked up at him, her eyes following the water droplets down his face. “You know I can’t.”

“Then what’s the problem?” He reached out and gripped her hand as she pushed the wet hair from her face.

“You know full well what the problem is, you’re just too stubborn to admit it,” Fenny smiled.

“One of the reasons you love me,” Brad cooed.

“For fuck’s sake,” Paul’s voice carried over the sound of the sprinklers, and they turned to find the yapping dog sitting on Paul’s torso, wagging its tail and gleefully licking his face and hair. “Get off me, you diseased monster!” Fenny knew Gina had a snappy comeback to that, but she was too busy laughing as the poor woman tried to retrieve her dog that she couldn’t take in enough breath to actually share it.

“Maybe we should just go back to Gina’s parents’, huh?” Fenny asked.

Brad nodded, knowing that Fenny was still avoiding issues but unwilling to push her any further. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Do you forgive me?”

Fenny looked up at him. “How could I not?” she asked with an almost sad smile. “Do you?”

“I always will,” he said, and brushed his lips unexpectedly against hers in a light kiss that made her head spin before dodging the other sprinklers and going to rescue Paul from his new canine friend.

Fenny was once again confused. She wasn’t sure what had just happened, but was content to just leave things where they were. At least being stuck in limbo meant you weren’t in hell. Yet.

“So are we all friends?” Gina asked brightly as the woman and her dog darted off and Paul tried to wipe some of the dog drool off his face.

“Are we, Paul?” Brad asked cautiously.

“What? Oh, for Christ’s sake Sherwood,” Paul sighed, “I don’t care who you fuck as long as it’s not Gina and I don’t have to hear about it. How is rabies transmitted, should I get a test?”

“Let’s get back to my folks’,” Gina sighed, “we’ll drop you off at the vet’s office on the way back to town.”

“I’m serious, I’ve lost all feeling down my right hand, I think I’m foaming at the mouth…”

“You’re still hungover,” Fenny chided as they headed back through the park, two sopping wet, one a bit slimy and the other anxious to explain their situation to her family.

Lunch went over relatively well if a bit uncomfortable for the two Americans who felt very much on the outside looking in, especially as they’d arrived soggy. But the food was good, the company amusing, and the children were happy to have a new playmate in Brad for a while. Katie had whined when they’d gone to leave, grabbing Paul and Brad each by the hand and demanding they stay, until Gina picked her up bodily and explained to her that Paul had to go and get ready to do a show and they’d come back as soon as they could. That satisfied her enough, and they made it to the rented car and they quickly made their way to Abbie’s home where Gina ran inside to grab her.

“Move over, Sherwood,” Gina demanded as Abbie opened the door. He did so gladly, and had Fenny practically in his lap as the other woman slid in beside him.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” she chirped as Gina started the engine.

“Brad,” he smiled, holding out a hand.

“Abbie,” she replied, shaking it. “Are you a friend of Paul’s?”

“Sometimes,” Brad laughed.

“We only have him around because he belongs to Fenny,” Paul added from the front seat.

Brad and Gina nodded in agreement. “You thought Pauly and I were a mess,” Gina chuckled, “you should hear some of Fen and Brad’s stories.”

“This is their four-hundredth reconciliation,” Paul mused. “They’ll get back to the hotel, spend the night fucking like bunnies, and by tomorrow evening they won’t be speaking to each other. It’s a well established pattern.”

“Have I mentioned recently that I hate you, McDermott?” Fenny grimaced.

“Yes actually, you have,” he grinned, turning to face her. “Often and vehemently.”

“It’s true,” she promised him.

“No it’s not, admit it, you’re obsessed with me.”

“With your arse,” Gina corrected.

“Aren’t we all?” Abbie laughed.

“Speak for yourself,” Brad giggled.

“Oh, he’s just jealous of your looks, Paul,” Gina assured him.

“You caught me out,” Brad sighed mockingly, “I’ve always wanted to be short, scrawny and slobbered on.”

“Well Fen could help you with the last bit,” Paul chuckled and Fenny kicked the back of his seat viciously.

“I can’t wait to hear how the last twenty-four hours is gonna end up in your show tonight,” Gina giggled.

“Shit,” Fenny hissed. “If you do anything evil and mean involving me again, I’ll have to reciprocate the gesture.”

“Again?” Abbie asked curiously. “What’s he done?”

“Oh he took the liberty to tell his whole audience last night how screwed up my life is,” Fenny sighed.

“She’s got a fucked up life,” Paul shrugged, “and the best comedy comes from reality, and you were just sitting there…”

“And if you do it again I’m gonna do something harsh.”

“Like what?” Paul countered.

“Death by monkeys!” Brad piped up.

“What?” Gina asked, laughing at the prospect.

“They do it in like Singapore or something,” Brad explained, “drop you in a pit full of monkeys, let them, er, do with you what they will.”

“You’ve been watching the Discovery Channel again, haven’t you?” Fenny groaned.

“Where do you plan to find a pit of monkeys?” Abbie asked.

“Okay, well, I didn’t say it was a convenient idea, necessarily,” Brad shrugged.

“I’ll just hunt out some plastic picnic sporks,” Fenny decided. “And some duct tape and a marmot.” Everyone in the car glared at her cautiously. She shrugged nervously.

“You and Gina both, always threatening with the rodents,” Paul cringed.

“Maybe that’s why we get along so well,” Gina mused. “We both want to do nasty things to you.”

“Anyone gonna have a go on that one?” Brad asked.

“Too easy,” Abbie grinned.

“Is there anything nasty you haven’t done to me yet?” Paul cooed against Gina’s ear.

“Later,” she said hoarsely, taking her eyes off the road just long enough to give him a quick peck.

“Where’s a spork when you need one,” Brad sighed.